Furry Babies

After reading the comments on my last post, I just want to clarify. Sarcasm is my first language; keep that in mind with each and every post. I have nothing against couples or love. In fact,  I have loved and been loved. I have hurt and been hurt. If the right situation comes along, I will do it again (lord help the next male prey.)

Until then, I am a happy camper as a party of one. And if I find someone to take along for the ride, it will stop at a party of two—unless the extra passengers are furry, of course.

See, I like puppies. I like kittens.

I like baby hamsters that delight in broccoli just about as much as I do (around a minute in he does this cute little leg flail thing.)

In other words, I don’t have anything against babies. But just because I don’t have anything against babies and children does not mean that I want them for myself.

Considering that I question my motivation for many of the decisions that I make, I have to say that this is one thing that I confidently know to the depths of my soul. I am not mommy material. My yearning to nurture things starts and ends at keeping a garden alive for three months. I can’t commit to a hair color for more than six months, much less keep a mini-me around for 18 years.

I will not be having children, at least in the traditional sense.

I plan on having hairy children in the form of four-legged friends.

m_4f4a45a5e5b45bf99c2dce9f05b6a806[1](That’s Chauncey, in case you haven’t met him before.)

Just like some people have a hard time believing that I choose to be single, (since I’m waiting for my prince to come sweep me off my feet—or just sweep my floors,) some people just can’t believe that I don’t want children. They tell me I’ll change my mind, that having one of my own makes it different and that it’s a little selfish to think only of myself for the rest of my life.

Like most things, I shrug it off.

In my opinion, too many people have kids that shouldn’t be parents. They liked the idea but neglected to consider the fact that it’s a lifelong commitment—not only of time, energy and emotional support but also financially. I actually think it’s a little selfish of people to think only of themselves when they have kids.

At any rate, I know that I don’t want the responsibility emotionally, physically and financially. I don’t want to transfer any of my issues onto a young impressionable mind that I can’t return back to its parents after a two hour trip to the zoo. I don’t like not being in control of my own body, so carrying around a little human for nine months suffocates me with anxiety.

But just because I don’t want kids doesn’t mean that I don’t think (most) of them are amazing; their innocence alone is inspiring. There are people out there that were made to be parents, and that dedication is reflected in their children and the people they grow up to be.

These kids are cool. These parents are cool. I like to visit and then go home before they get needy or leak something out of a hole in their body, but that’s just me.

And if there’s one thing that I confidently know to the depths of my soul, it’s that my children will be furry—and may possibly eat broccoli.

24 responses to “Furry Babies

  1. i had a hamster once. it had babies. then it ate their heads.

    keep shrugging it off abby. 😉

  2. you go girl! speak yooo beautiful mind 🙂

    tons of love

  3. “In other words, I don’t have anything against babies. But just because I don’t have anything against babies and children does not mean that I want them for myself.”
    I’m going to go out on an unpopular limb here and say that I do have something against babies. They cry. They poop. They demand, constantly. I am not mommy material, as you know (because I’ve told you; not because I’ve been your mommy). I know my “anorexic personality” has nothing to do with my not wanting children. I’ve never wanted kids. I think I’d actually enjoy being pregnant. That part seems pretty amazing and cool to me; but raising a child for years totally overwhelms me. Having dated many men in their thirties who still get money from their parents, I realize that the child-rearing does not end after 18 years either. This terrifies me. I’m not interested. We LOVE our cats and consider them our children. I’m totally fine with this. I declare openly that I don’t want children and it does confuse most people. My parents know me though. They know my anxieties. They’ve said, point blank, “If you don’t want kids, then by all means, don’t have them. They’re too much work for a half-assed interest.” So, yeah, those are my thoughts. I’m sure I’d be a great mom, for all intents and purposes. I’d probably look like super mom to the outside world, but I think I’d be really overanxious inside. I don’t see how that’s good for anyone.

  4. I completly agree! There are so many people in this world that are totally unqualified to be parents, but go ahead and have multiple children. I know that’s harsh to say, but it’s true. If you can barely get by taking care of youself, then why the hell, would you try to bring more bodies into the equation? It’s ridiculous!

    I never understood why people think it’s bad for someone to not want kids. It’s great if you do, and I personaly don’t even know for sure if I do, but if not then life will still be good! Our lives aren’t defined by our offspring…

    ❤ Tori

  5. I would like to have kids, but in a long ass while, and who knows, maybe I’ll end up like you and just have a flock of furries. I want a furry now, I miss my old one that died two years ago. anyhow, kids are overrated, and I’ve been into analyzing overrated stuff lately 🙂
    My mom and dad were both 38 when they had me, I’m glad they waited. They also didnt rush to get married either, they got married AFTER I was born. I dont mind babies, its toddlers that piss me off. sorry, I teach cooking classes to kids during the year and they make me bitter. 5 yr olds and sugar is torture. Personally, and this may be tmi, but I’m scarred about my vajayjay. Couldn’t I just lay an egg or something?

  6. I don’t want them either. I used to bit don’t anymore. Im actually in kim’s camp now. Don’t want em and don’t like em. I have trouble masking this in public too which can be problematic!

  7. I don’t want kids either. I don’t think I would be good at it and I don’t think I have the emotional capacity for it. I can’t 100% rule it out, but I know that if I do ever decide I want a family I’d much rather adopt than have my own, but that’s a whole other topic.

    Also, sarcasm is my second language – self deprecation is my first. But I still read you loud and clear 🙂

  8. Man I love the little furry animal videos that you post!

    In reference to the first comment, I had a rat, Peaches, in college and she had babies. She ate all but one right away. I named him (?) Archimedes. He was so cute – three days later she ate him too. 😦

    I do want kids but I just hope that I get the “good ones”.

  9. I don’t understand why having children isn’t something that requires a licensing procedure. I mean, just because you have a uterus doesn’t mean you should actually use it. If we have to apply to drive a car, why not to have a child? I see so many that are just devastated by their parents (or lack thereof). And to think, I’m very liberal minded….

    Hubs and I call crying babies very good birth control 🙂 At least for us.

  10. loved this one, abby. i still have not had the “i want a baby” feeling. i take my birth control like it is my religion in fear of becoming pregnant. i often wonder if i will EVER want kids.. but the more i think about having a baby (not the pregnancy part, i dont think that would be bad.. but the actual HAVING a baby.. and then a toddler.. then a teenager..) the more i am turned off by the idea. the only thing that is even a little bit appealing is all the rad puma kid clothes at TJ maxx. so i just buy those for my friends’ kids.

    however, marshall and i have our next dog breed and his name picked out.

    i wonder if they make puma dog collars…

  11. With you 100% on this. Any vestigial maternal instincts hiding inside me are fulfilled by filling my dog’s bowl with kibble twice a day…and I really view him as more of a companion than a dependent.

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  13. Wow, I’m so with you on this one. I keep getting older and my mother keeps reminding me how “I don’t have much time left” and I just can’t bring myself to care. Maybe one day I’ll get the urge, but right now I just don’t got it. And if I don’t got it, I don’t think I should be making little ones…

  14. I can definitely understand and relate to your feelings. I have worked with kids for years, of all ages, and absolutely love it. But I DO NOT WANT KIDS. For all the same reasons as you. Plus, crying makes me hyperventilate.

    And after seeing the gyno for the first time this week, (resulting in the worst pain of my entire life, and me screaming bloody murder most likely terrifying everyone in the waiting room) I’m just not keen on the idea of something that large coming out of that small of an orifice. I swear to God I’ll cross my legs and refuse to let the demon spawn out.

  15. I think it is fantastic to know that you don’t want kids and I love that you are so open about it. It is SO much harder than I thought – which I’m sure you know because all I do is complain about my poor kid on my blog. But honestly, Kim is right – kids are messy and are so much work. I can’t stand the crying, vomit, etc.

    That being said I would never trade Maya for anything, but if I knew then what I know now I’m not sure if I would do it over again.

  16. That would be scary, if you had furry babies. I’m unlike you here: I hate pets. I hate puppies. I hate kittens. Well, not so much kittens since they pretty much leave you alone, but I just had “cute and cuddly” animals because they annoy me with their saccharine cuteness. So. am I crazy?

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  19. That broccoli eating hamster had me squealing! And I totally laughed because it took him forever to eat all those little bit and then one big bit fell out of his mouth- bhaahahhaha! Ya killed me with that one!

    Fortunately for me, Derek and I don’t want kids. When our friends started having kids (many of whom we were unthrilled with), we got our cats. They were little and furry and cuddly and loving and don’t get body piercings nor do crystal meth nor mouth off. So we liked our situation. And we just kept liking it. Now almost 20 yrs into our relationship, we couldn’t ever even imagine having kids. We just need to be sure to set ourselves up with some elder care provisions because we won’t have anyone to take care of us when we get old and infirmed.

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  21. Agreed. I recently wrote about this as well without having seen this. But yeah… There are so many people who have kids who just don’t know how to take care of them. At least I know I wont be a bad parent. Cuz I’m not going to be one!! Woohoo..
    PS. Love the tiny hamster eating the tiny piece of broccoli. Cutest ever!

  22. Clearly, you and I are soul sisters. You’ve said everything here that I’ve lived for my lifetime. I chose not to get married because had I wanted a needy parasite I would have had children. Well, maybe you didn’t say that exactly.

    Oh, and I like broccoli. 😉

    • I’m glad you’re finally realizing this, as I knew it the first time I found about about your Animal Planet affiliation. Well, that and the “Steaming Pile of Shit” award.

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