How I Got Thin

Diets annoy me.

More specifically, people that talk about diets all the time annoy me. But in case you didn’t know it, I’m thin—not necessarily by choice, mind you—so I often get weird requests for “how I do it.”

I’ve found no one wants to hear that it takes a commitment to your health to actually be healthy. You know, eat more veggies, take a walk, blah blah blah. I suppose it’s hard for them to know what to think,  as there are a million conflicting “reports” out there on the next best shortcut to health.

Diet Soda Cartoon

But still—common sense people.

Personally, I’m a vegetarian that eats dairy, eggs and occasionally fish when I have to. I don’t eat soy or drink coffee because it sends me into intestinal hell—it’s not pretty. Even though I do have a love for animals and compassion is a part of my decision, I mostly eat what makes me feel good—physically and mentally.

But then I started reading more—blogs, magazines, more blogs—and started to feel guilty about my lifestyle.

Yes, I love animals, but what about everything else? I love flowers and trees, so isn’t it just as harmful and cruel for me to pick them out of the ground and eat them as well? If I’m a vegetarian, shouldn’t I be more compassionate towards vegetation?

So, I became an oxygentarian.

What is an oxygentarian ? I make air the main focus of my consumption.

There’s no real reason. I mean, with the exception of the soy and caffeine, I don’t have an intolerance to any foods. But I started to question how necessary and humane the consumption of anything else really was. The reading I was doing—blogs, magazines, more blogs—was leading me to believe that I had to be “free” of everything to be a person of admirable character.

After all, the way I choose to eat and take care of myself defines the kind of person that I am and has a direct influence on how you should view yourself! At least that’s what I’ve read, anyway.

I know this is controversial and there are those that will judge me. Like sarcasm, I’m sure not everyone will pick up on the benefits. But it’s the only way I can be sure that nothing is harmed to satisfy my innate human cravings for nourishment and pleasure from food (just replace “food” with air! No decision has to be made!)

Along with gluten/sugar/fat/wheat/dairy/carb/sodium-free, being an oxygentarian is also guilt-free. Well, for the most part. 

There are still a few drawbacks. 

After all, with all the pollution, I can’t be assured that the air I’m breathing is organic and pure. There are oxygen bars in certain locations, but like Whole Foods and Trader Joes, there are none in my area, severely limiting my resources.


Plus, even though I’m saving a lot of money by not buying food, buying organic oxygen all the time would get expensive. 

I also worry a little bit about becoming an overbreather or a binge breather, and that some people won’t be able to hang around with me anymore because they’re jealous of my willpower and dedication to the planet—not to mention my own health.

But I just want everyone to know that I don’t judge. If you still enjoy actually eating food, I completely understand. I know there are people that see food as a pleasure and as something to be celebrated and necessary for survival, but for me, there were just too many “unknowns” associated with all of my decisions. This is just what I feel is best for my body right now.

At least that’s what I gathered from my reading—blogs, magazines, more blogs—and I trust that what’s best for others is probably best for me.

You know, common sense people.

30 responses to “How I Got Thin

  1. Binge breather.

    I am weak.

    Great post 🙂

  2. I love this post. That is all.


  3. You put into an amazing blog post what I can only articulate in my mind. This was great. Though I’m still a bit worried about the pollution in the air.

  4. Hahahaha.. where do I sign up?

  5. I was just thinking about this (well… more like thinking about it for the past few weeks), and I really like how you state that you eat what makes you feel best. I too fall victim to reading other blogs and seeing people doing eco-friendly or vegan like things and I think to myself “why aren’t I doing that?” or “shouldn’t I be doing that?” It’s enough to drive me crazy, but I’ve been considering that the most important person to think about is myself when it comes to taking care of my body. Yes, we might eat dairy, and some animals somewhere may be subjected to abuse to produce that food, but it’s not like we go to the store and say “Ooh yogurt! Score! Creamy goodness AND animal cruelty!”

    Too often we lose focus on taking care of ourselves and get too wound up in trying to be like everyone else because we want to look as “saintly” as they do. Psh.
    Do the best you can, with what you have, where you are now, and ignore the rest.

    And I prefer photosynthesis over breathing, but I guess that’s just something else that makes me odd. 😉

  6. Organic oxygen!! The sad part is, I could totally see someone taking this seriously and trying to become an oxygentarian…

  7. When this becomes the next latest trend and people are worshiping you, I am going to ride your coattails by telling everyone I knew you BEFORE you were an oxygentarian.

  8. I don’t know about this…I’ve read the overconsumption of oxygen can cause painful hiccups.

  9. Won’t you feel guilty about breathing in the oxygen molecules without their permission? Won’t you feel guilty about breathing in fresh air while there are children all around the world have to breathe dirty air?

    For someone so devoted to the planet, your choice really seems quite selfish.

    Also, there IS such a thing as oxygen toxicity…

    • I know. All these things trouble me. I’m looking into getting my own bubble so that any negative energy I might exhale stays confined to that secluded space. Plus, it will keep me away from germs.

  10. Yes, common sense seems to be in short supply these days. Not many people have it, not many at all.

  11. I think I may have an allergy to the oxygen here in L.A. That’s why I’m moving to a more organically-based oxygen diet in Michigan 🙂

    The sad part is that there are seriously people here in L.A. (and I’m sure elsewhere but there’s just a seemingly massive contingency based here) that take on these kinds of diets. A friend of mine once became a fruitarian due to allergies and the inability to eat most things (I’m cringing as I write this, as I’m sure allergies had nothing to do with it). I’m definitely with you–gotta eat what’s right for me no matter what the lady sitting next to me on the airplane exclaims (WHAT are you eating?!?! )As if a sweet potato is a freakin’ alien or something. Sheesh.

  12. I hate labels too – it’s too hard to define yourself with one word! Even when I try to be cute about it I can’t. Like, I could call myself a Susantarian, but doesn’t that mean I eat myself?

  13. Kath (My Funny Little Life)

    This is totally Abby style – very funny and very serious at the same time. 😀

    Funny, I’ve thought about the same thing a lot recently, and I’m already doing mind work on a post about that (so I just need to write it down later). I totally see your point about the plants and flowers, and I think regardless of whether you eat animal or plant food, you eat *living* (or formerly living) beings.

    The conclusion I’ve drawn from it for myself (to avoid having to live on nothing but air) is that it doesn’t really matter *what* you eat, but in which state of mind you eat it. You should eat with an attitude of thankfulness and respect towards the food that nourishes you. The difference really lies in the state of awereness.

    Great post! 🙂

  14. You are a true seer, and very funee! I thought that the answer was being a vegequarium, but really…. exclusive O2 consumption is definitely in our future….just in case though, will you invest into my company COToo?

  15. I find the “poverty and stress diet” highly effective myself.

  16. tangerinemonday

    I’m on the “too lazy to cook” diet. I can’t cook anything that once had a face. Or takes more than 5 minutes to prepare.

  17. Fantastic! I’d get on board with this movement–IF they started coming out with flavored (or would that be scented?) air. I’m afraid my craving for nourishment and satisfaction wouldn’t be sated by boring old plain air. But give me some bacon-scented air, brownie-scented air, coffee-scented air, and then you’re onto something! 😛

  18. Reading blogs and magazines can definitely get to you if you don’t know what works best for you. I feel attacked a lot as a meat eater by health blogs and people who choose not to eat meat. Of course, reading this, I can imagine that vegetarians sometimes get attacked for not being vegan. It’s a never ending cycle of people trying to control what goes in my mouth.

    I’ve been fighting against the man for a long time; I guess I should be like you and not eat anything that has cells and processes I can see. Team Oxygen!

    Thought provoking post.

    • Agreed. People cannot control what goes into my (your) mouth or what comes out of it. To each their own–meat, tofu or carbon dioxide 😉

  19. I adore your sarcasm in this post. This is the first time I came across this blog, and I was seriously concerned at first–until I read other comments and looked at your other posts. Hilarious and brutally honest. LOVE it!

  20. You are now my hero for the day for this.

  21. Pingback: The Biggest Link Love Post– Evah! « Indigo Moods

  22. Where I live making air the main focus of my consumption is dangerous, but thanks for the tip. If you never ever hear from me again, you know what happened… (But I will be thin then.)

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