Today I am cranky and seemingly incapable of staying interested in anything for more than three seconds. For some reason, I feel the need to share that with you.
Anyway, three random things in no particular order.
Even though I just wrote about it, I’m really tired of hearing about food. There are entirely too many food shows, celebrity cookbooks and controversies. While I can get into a few of them, not every person on the planet needs to be videotaped while cooking and given a cheesy theme song.
For the record: Just because you’re famous for something else doesn’t mean you have culinary expertise.
Sometimes I press my luck and buy a $1 scratch off lottery ticket. How do I decide which one? First, I pick the one that has a cool theme. If none of them do, I pick the one that has the largest possible prize, as if I would be disappointed to win $4,000 instead of $5,000 on a ticket.
For the record: I usually win nothing.
While I understand the religious tradition behind Easter–one of the most sacred days of the year for a lot of people–I don’t understand the rationale behind photo sessions in the mall with a mammoth creepy Easter Bunny that passes out eggs. At least make it a chicken so it’s more believable. Maybe I’ll write more about this later, maybe not. Remember that I’m cranky.
For the record: I think Jim Gaffigan summed it up best in one of his acts:
Female voice: Easter, the day Jesus rose from the dead. What should we do?
Male voice: How ’bout eggs?!
Female voice: Well, w-what does that have to do with Jesus?
Male voice: Alright, we’ll hide ’em.
Female voice: I don’t…I don’t follow your logic.
Male voice: Don’t worry, there’s a bunny.
And chocolate Cadbury eggs. I can get on board with that.
It’s the end of the week. Don’t think too hard.
What are your random things?
Abby Has Issues 
My favorite are the chocolate Cadbury eggs with the white and yellow fake egg yolk inside. I believe Jesus’ first word upon rising from the dead was “chocolate.”
I buy lottery tickets with my dad, but only if its over like 100 million and we usually only buy five bucks worth.
And my mom and I used to hoard cadbury eggs, even though we’re jews.
Ok, heres the randomness:
1) listening to someone eating soup is like listening to someone having diarrhea
2) I think the national anthem is the most entertaining part of a ball game because I can laugh at women who fail to put their hand over their heart and instead, end up cupping her left breast.
3) If there is one thing I do gracefully, it is not eating a sandwich
Ok, I love love love me some Jim Gaffigan. I mean, Hot Pockets, seriously.
I always found the random person dressed as the Easter Bunny to be especially creepy.
Random things lately:
I do not like walking out my front door and seeing a construction worker walking on top of a wooden beam outlining the first floor of the monstrous house being built way too close to ours. I swear if he falls into our courtyard I’m going to be really pissed.
I had a meeting this morning that consisted of me, another female doctor and 3 male doctors and we spent the majority of the time hearing about close encounters with random celebrities peeing next to them in various bathrooms. Why are men so obsessed with their schlongs?
Hope you feel less cranky soon. It’s the weekend 🙂
And we have Game 2 of the playoffs tomorrow, so Go Wings! 🙂
YES I love that you quoted Jim Gaffigan here. Another reason I think we might be friends in real life, too bad for that Daniel Tosh thing though.
Hot pockets….
I’m cranky the vast majority of the time. But I picked up an essential 18oz “big bag” of Cadbury Mini Eggs tonight, so that’s a plus. I have no idea how they make the bag so scent-permeable, but I’m sure they do it on purpose. I must’ve looked crazy at the store, smelling the bag. But I always smell the bag.
My random thing is that I got a postcard from God this week. It said:
“Chillax.
-God”
Ha ha, does this have anything to do with the Pioneer Woman? I personally love her so I am happy that she’s getting her own TV show and movie. I thought you liked reading abt food though!
The Pioneer Woman? I don’t even really know who that is, as I never read her blog. No, this just has to do with EVERY celebrity in the world jumping on the “foodie” bandwagon. The Pioneer Woman (I assume) actually knows what she’s talking about, whereas Eva Longoria and Gwenyth Paltrow are just annoying. I assume they have no expertise, although I could be wrong. Plus, there’s just food drama all over the place. Can’t people just enjoy it for what it is instead of making everything a drama? (Gluten-free/vegan haters/preachers, no more Happy Meals or chocolate milk, etc.) It just gets old 🙂 So yes, I do like reading about food when it’s in a “normal” sense of the topic, not when it’s micromanaged and just used for publicity, if that makes sense (probably not.)
Oh my gosh I used to eat those cadbury eggs with the fake yolk inside when I was little like there was no tomorrow. In fact, eating those eggs are my fondest memories of Easter 🙂
First random thing: Oh my gosh, I thought I was going crazy. I thought that maybe just because I was interested in food and was maybe more aware of it, that that was why I was noticing all of this “food obsession” popping up everywhere. What is going on? It’s kind of ruining things for me.
For the record: I think the only recipes worth eating on the food network are ina garten’s. The other “chefs” just strike me a pure entertainers. Fun to watch, but do I really need to know how to make 4 kinds of chicken skewers and buffalo wing dips?
Second random thing: As soon as I say I never win anything, I win something random. My guess is you’ll get lucky this week!
Third random thing: All throughout my childhood, my mom tried to get a picture of me with the Easter bunny. Homegirl was not having it.
For the record: A man was arrested in my city last week for child pornography. He worked part time as an Easter bunny. EEK!
So funny I read your blog today because I saw that random actress from Entourage (the Italian chick with the super blue eyes) has a cooking show and I don’t even understand what it’s about, and I was saying the same thing to my husband.
Also I saw the Easter bunny at the mall today and refused to make eye contact with him. Anyone who wears a bunny suit after the age of 10 makes me nervous.
I am still ticked off about the remaking of The Crow movie. I watched The A Team movie yesterday and realized how wrong Bradley Cooper is for the Eric Draven role.
My daughter went on her first official date with a friend who is a boy. I didn;t handle it well emotionally. She;s 15. I was 16 when I went on mine.
I’ve been writing a lot. I’m starting to get cocky about it.
that’s about it. Go Braves.
im with you on this cookbook business. Eva and Gweneth dont’ even look like they eat, let alone know enough about food to make a legit cookbook. i’m highly annoyed by the weather lately – just so you know.
My random things? Well, let’s see. What springs to mind? I want to go on holiday but I don’t have time because I don’t MAKE time because that would mean I’d have to invest time in making time, which I’m pretty sure I don’t have. Talk about issues, right? Random fact two: I don’t have time to read other people’s blogs, but for fear of being thought of as unredeemably self-centered and merely interested in reading my own blog like that would do me any good, I decided to make time and read yours, too. Thank you for not wasting my time, Abby. Gotta go now.
🙂
Randy from just across the Atlantic
http://rcbenglishclass.blogspot.com/2011/06/men-are-basically-neanderthals.html
Thank you for taking the time to read! As for your No. 2, I feel the same exact way…;)