Gnome Poem

Alternate title—a final recap before moving on with my life

New York was less than stellar,

Of that I must admit.

But Uncle June still wants to share

some really random shit.


Photos weren’t taken

of the work that we got through.

I made some great connections

and I learned a thing or two.

But a gnome would have seemed out of place,

despite the artsy group.

So he stayed back tucked in my purse

and fell out of the loop.

Yes, Uncle June was rather bored,

And posed with boring food.


With time and choices limited,

It wore upon his mood.

I did get to try lobster once

And learned it’s too much work.

Spending time to find the food

To me is not a perk.

But since I wasn’t paying

I just figure, no harm done.

Plus I got to wear a bib,

And that was kind of fun.

Side note: I should always wear a bib.

Times Square hasn’t changed much

Since the two years I’ve been there.

Lots of stores and people,

Cowboys in their underwear.


People stopping in mid-stride

To photograph some crap.

Not looking up before they fall

Into a tourist trap.

But walking through the city you see

trends of every kind.

Some I think are very weird

while others blow my mind.

And one that I can’t get behind

is feathers in the hair.


(But remember nothing changes

when you stick them way down there.)

When it’s raining as it was each day,

the cabs are slim to none.

So you end up walking through the rain

which isn’t very fun.

Not to say that cabs are really

that much fun to take.

It seems that every driver has

no concept of a brake.

In fact, my cab ride leaving town

was anything but plain.

My driver swore and ate some soup

while weaving through the lanes.


I swear I saw a pigeon

flip him off as we sped by.

It was anything but Cash Cab

but at least I didn’t die.

Anyway, I guess that’s it

my trip is now complete.

I’ve griped about the travel

and the things I had to eat.

(Now we can move on to topics

yet to be selected.

Important things like peeing that

I might just have neglected.)

So Uncle June bids you adieu

and thanks you for your time.

He hopes to see you once again

to share another rhyme.

(Just not about traveling, of course.)

20 responses to “Gnome Poem

  1. Brilliant. I love the image of the pigeon flipping off the cabbie.

  2. I so badly want to be friends with Uncle June…

  3. I can’t rhyme for s***. So I’m truly in awe of your skill.

    Uncle Junes needs to come visit Aunt Eden.

    • He knows this. But with his dashing good looks and stellar personality, he’s afraid that if he goes to L.A., he will be “discovered” and forget his humble roots.

  4. whoa, I did not to mean to use uncle june in the plural. this is what happens when I eat while i type.

  5. Completely charming! The thing I recall most about my one trip to NY was the abject terror I felt while riding in a taxi cab.

  6. I have not much to comment
    but comment I will do, cause
    Dr. Seuss and Shilverstein got nothing on you.

    Welcome back!!

  7. OMG Abby I LOVE< love your candor and frankness!!! Sorry NY was a bit of a miss for you… I think we have the same Lap top!

  8. Ugh, a cab driving eating soup while driving? Really? I guess I can appreciate that but would like if it were something more solid such as yogurt.

    Happy you finally get to go home. I despise Times Square, especially after staying there last summer but I am always down to see the Naked Cowboy. The Naked Cowgirl? Not so much.

    PS-Adore the idea of a traveling gnome!!

    • Considering you usually sit in traffic in Times Square, he was able to slurp it down rather quickly. However, I agree that yogurt or even a sandwich would have been a more soothing option from my end.

  9. Oh how I love little Uncle June!

    Glad you’re back safe and sound. Personally, I don’t love going to NYC. The pace is too much for me.

    Lately I’ve been wondering how it is that most of us trust these complete strangers to drive us somewhere in their taxis. I never get out of the taxi thinking, wow, that person is a really great driver. Usually it’s more along the lines of thank god I didn’t die.

  10. Delightful! Thank you. I needed that.

  11. I always love your poems, and your gnome poetry is adorable! 😀

  12. haha so true about the damn cab drivers! In chicago we were so frightened that we made him stop the cab, got out, and walked to the rest of our journey…he was nuts!

  13. Love this. Really, eating soup and driving- crazy.

    Just curious and I’m sure you covered it in previous posts- but how did UNCLE june get his name. he’s not biologically conflicted, right?

    • Ha! No, he doesn’t have gender identification issues. He’s actually named after Uncle June from “The Sopranos.” Don’t mess with the family…

  14. could you be more creative? Uncle June needs to visit all your internet friends – it can be like a flat stanley project for adults 🙂

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