True story.
I had to buy a new phone and qualified for an upgrade discount, so I went to the Verizon store and bought a new one. When I got home, I had an email with an online offer that confused me. Thinking I got screwed out of money, I decided to participate in a “live support chat” session online.
I copied the text and pasted it below.
Please wait for a Chat Representative to respond.
Thank you for contacting Verizon Wireless. My name is ‘Gina’, how may I assist you?
Abby: I just returned home from the Verizon store because I was told I qualified for an upgrade. So I purchased the new phone, got home and just saw that there was an online discount for the same phone that I just bought! How can I get that $50 discount? It seems unfair to have to pay the full price if I’m a returning customer…
Gina: I’m sorry for the misunderstanding about online pricing vs. store pricing. I can gladly assist you.
(Insert boring details here.)
Gina: Thank you. First I wanted to mention so you understand why this happened. Stores have their own pricing. Now if you did purchase the phone at a company owned store I can see if I can credit your account.
Gina: One moment.
Gina: Great you did upgrade at a company owned store. I’m trying to see what you paid for the phone. $30?
Abby: $(insert amount much greater than $30)!
Gina: Oh. Gosh. Thank you. Please give me a few moments.
(Insert a few moments here.)
Abby: I’m still here…
Gina: Good news. We are unable to match online pricing as it’s for online orders only. Once you return you’re phone, place the order in My Verizon and it will be free.
Abby: But I already cut the UPC off the box and sent it in for the rebate. And it’s “your,” not “you’re,” just for future reference. I’m not trying to be rude, but it’s a pet peeve of mine.
Gina: Ha. Okay. You can still return phones after submitting the rebate. Your refund will be less the rebate.
Abby: So if I take the phone back, do they simply refund me what I paid for this phone and then I order the new one online for $X?
Gina: Yes, I see what you mean now. Hmm. The store will refund your money less the $50 rebate then you will get the $50 on a Visa card. Once they process your return, you can then order the phone in My Verizon for $X.
Abby: What do I tell them when I go there?
Gina: Exactly what you told me. Wait. You mentioned a $50 rebate. Online orders offer instant rebates and the stores instead have mail in rebates. In the end your price is still the same. I thought at first you found it was free.
Sidenote: Who mentioned a free phone?
Gina: Do you follow me?
Abby: Like on Twitter? I just starting Tweeting last week and don’t really know what I’m doing.
Gina: Ha. No, not on Twitter.
Abby: In fact, it’s kind of like this—typing back and forth—except you have to add in things like @ and # every once in awhile.
Gina: That sounds nice. Do you understand about the phone?
Abby: I think so. So there’s no difference between ordering it online or in the store. One is with a mail-in rebate and one is instant, so this whole conversation was for nothing?
Gina: You were under impression that you would get an additional $50 off but online there’s no mail in rebate in addition. It would be worth it if you saw it was free online.
(pause)
Gina: I just caught that now. You never mentioned seeing a free phone online.
Abby: Right…so it’s the same price either way then.
Gina: I guess so! Are you familiar with how to track your rebate submission online? I can give you the direct link.
Abby: I sent it in already. It will come in the mail. As long as I’m not getting screwed by ordering in store instead of online, I guess this whole thing was a moot point!
Gina: I’m glad it works out the same. I included the link above to help you track the status.
Abby: I just mailed it an hour ago, so I don’t think I can check yet. However, I will keep the link for future use. Thanks.
Gina: Yes, exactly. Save it to your favorites.
Abby: Smiling is my favorite.
Gina: In 4-6 weeks you will receive your Visa card that can be used anywhere to further smiles!
Abby: Yay for smiles!
Gina: I hope you are enjoying your new phone. Did you have any additional questions or concerns for me at this time?
Abby: Thank you Gina. I plan on enjoying my new phone by not answering it when it rings and dying a little inside when the little text thing goes off.
Gina: You can change your text notifications in the Sounds setting menu if it is bothering you at the wrong times.
Abby: No, it’s people that bother me. The noises are fine.
Gina: Oh no! Well you go and have a great peaceful day by yourself with lots of smiles. If you have no other questions, I thank you for being a valued Verizon Wireless customer.
Abby Has Issues 
Wow! Gina’s good. I bet she had straight face the entire time. At least I’m assuming that she was only “acting” like she was totally oblivious.
LOL that was awesome. And I agree, Gina is GOOD, kept her professional face on the whole time! haha
My favorite comment was “that sounds nice.” ANYWAY.. hahaha
as a robot-human hybrid, I can advise that so was my sister Gina. You were talkin to a machine, an advanced one.
That company doesn’t care about you. Would you like to sign contract exstention that will double your feature and applications over the next 3 years?
When I was actually in the store buying the phone, dude couldn’t believe that all I wanted was the same basic phone–not a smart phone with the Internet. He looked at me as if I suggested using smoke signals.
I love this – hilarious!! And Verizon – they do things like this because it’s funny to confuse people, I swear!!! 🙂
OMG Abby…I can’t even comment I’m going to have to change my underwear..I jus peed my pants…oh Gina…you are the reason BOOZE exists! LOL
Please promise me this was the real conversation, because I am laughing so hard right now, I spit beer through my nose.
I promise. Minus the money amount and some boring initial details, I copied our “live chat” session and pasted it into a post. Pinkie swear!
Gina is short for “vagina”. Her parents must be proud.
I can only hope that Gina leaves her post at Verizon, transfers over to AT&T and is there to be my own go-to-gal when something inevitably goes wrong with my iphone.
Fan. Tastic.
Ok for real. Is this for real? I need Gina to answer every support line I ever connect to. Brilliant!
That Gina is a pro. Of course, its a little easier to be deadpan when you are only typing the response. Meanwhile, Gina’s called over a few of her co-workers who are kicked back with a cup of coffee watching it all go down.
And I’m still suspicious about the random free phone reference.
I know! There is obviously a free phone to be had somewhere if she brought that up out of nowhere. I was confused, but then again, so was she.
My favorite part is that you gave her grammar advice.
YOURE awesome.
Wow! I love when I get online chat people that have great personalities. I work for an IT company and some of those reps are LAME-O! And you’re on twitter! Hellz yeah baby! I am on that!
Abby! Look at you, getting all Twittery and everything! Did you REALLY correct her grammar? Or are you just making me smile and wish upon a star that conversations like this could really happen?
This was 100 percent true. You know I’m not good at fiction 😉
I’m with Sara, best line “Gina: That sounds nice.” Gina’s real name is obviously something a little more like “Gangi” but she was awesome. If you’re ever bummed that you have a outsourced phone help person, take Abby’s lead – they will be polite no matter what, and that makes for much much fun.
LMAO. This is true? Nuh-uh! And lol, Gina needs to be rewarded…and I used to complain about Verizon customer service!
Did you copy and paste or did you memorize the whole convo?
All true. I copied and pasted the conversation, minus a couple personal details (SSN, number, etc.) And just for the record, I filled out the little customer service survey at the end and gave Gina high marks 😉
Abby, first I love you, and second anything Gina spraypaints on the side of your house or car, you’ve fully earned.
At least she got a free grammar lesson. I can’t believe you didn’t go after the link for the “really free” phone–now that’s a discount.
Abby, can I be you? Pretty please?! Because you crack me up, and you said just what I’ve wanted to say to those salespeople/company reps millions of times before…especially the thing about “you’re/your.” Poor Gina has no idea what hit her. 🙂
You do not want to be me, as my Friday night was spent hanging out at a retirement home, grocery shopping and then sitting on the couch watching the game with copious amounts of snacks. It works for me, but it doesn’t make for an exciting weekend recap 😉
Hi Abby, this was so funny.
I’ve used those customer service chats. They work well sometimes — especially when you can just cut and paste instead of repeating yourself.
I learned some things about you today: smiling is your favorite (mine too), you send in rebates right away (I always forget), and people are what bother you (Oh, so true sometimes). Ray
Oh, so that’s how twitter works!!!
That’s what I’ve gathered. I should write a follow-up Twitter post to my first one, seeing as it’s been more than a week now. Maybe a two-week wrap-up. I guess I’m supposed to be networking, but I just use it for fun. There’s enough seriousness in the world, right? 😉
The grammar lesson was simply hilarious. I’m going to start using your tactics with a few other companies that I’m forced to “chat” with via email, IM and the phone. Thank you.
I’m off to send you a text from my also too-basic-wtf-is-wrong-with-me-that-I-don’t-want-internet phone.
This is wonderful. I think my favorite part is “Good news! I can’t credit your account.” Because thaaaaat’s good news.
Yes, I agree.
That might take the cake along with the grammar correction and Abby’s random twitter trajectory.
Abby, you’re hilarious just by being you. I actually would have a blast following you around at the retirement home and watching sports on your couch and eating snacks on a Friday night.
Wow, Gina is good. Have never had a help chat person that nice. Although I still don’t understand if there was a free phone available. I probably would’ve argued myself into an aneurysm over the free phone once Gina was dumb enough to bring it up.
I think online chat staff get guidance to be borderline rude and throw up enough roadblocks to get the customer to give up. Like the free photo book Snapfish offered me, the code for which wouldn’t work after I’d spent HOURS making a book. He bobbed and weaved for several turns, but if he thought I’d give up and pay just because I’d spent HOURS creating a photo book, he was sorely mistaken. I won, but not before my aneurysm burst and killed me. Anger management is not a strength.
Freakin great!! (and yes, on Twitter – I’m slow to respond – but hardly ever tweet …)
I LOVED all of this, and so glad you decided to share it with us. I love all the comments that you threw to her. The grammar, the twitter. Thanks for the laugh!
Oh, Gina! She was trying so hard. Although, if she really wanted to be helpful, she should have responded to your “dying inside” mention not with a sounds setting lesson, but with a link to your local spiritual facility or crisis hotline. You may want to mention that if you get one of those “customer service satisfaction” surveys to fill out. 😀
This is too fun. Like Murphys Law, but drunk.
“And it’s “your,” not “you’re,” just for future reference” –I love you..
Great conversation. I used to do sales via chat so I think she kept her composure for the most part and tried to keep you on track.
That’s all.
Actually, thats not all. I effin hate Verizon. Last night my blackberry wiped everything off my phone and I can’t even pull up the keyboard. I went to Verizon today and homeboy slice couldnt help me nor his hungover coworkers. So now I’m basically forced to get a new phone which I think is all a ploy by Verizon for me to upgrade. Sorry to rant on your blog, it had to come out.
PS-I had Jesse on chat today but next time I am requesting Miss Gina. Maybe I am just partial to that name since its my fake bar name.
Reason No. 973 that I like you? You have a fake bar name and used the phrase “homeboy slice.”
Is that an ELF reference? haha. I love your blog Abby, it’s in my top 10 list.
Will Ferrel is my Elvis. 😉
Despite Gina’s sunny attitude I got the same headache reading this that I used to get in highschool algebra. I HATE service providers and am with you on smart phones. I have one but it is turned off and buried in the bottom of my purse.
Kudos on the ‘your’ correction- makes me nuts! You’re hilarious.
This is super funny! I just found your blog. Looking forward to reading more (:
I love that you corrected Gina’s grammar. That made my day.
I’m dying! I’m pretty sure Gina is either full of crap or solid as a rock. Maybe both? Although I think that happy people are more likely to help you with your tech probs than the sods who hate their life. Of course, tech people aren’t very reliable in general so yeah…
By the way, happy belated birthday my dear!
My birthday is in August, but thank you for the wishes! 🙂
That must’ve been like talking to a Cyborg. It’s the strangest conversation I’ve read about in a while. I don’t think I could have kept my cool.
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That is CRAPtastic. I no longer have verizon…and smiling is my favorite too…LOL. Popping over from ftf. -Kim http://bbunchmama.blogspot.com/2012/02/sleep-is-overrated-anyways.hmlt
Did someone say free phone? Wait, were you calling about the $50 rebate or a free phone that you may or may not have seen online? Oh crap, did I just gave away that we might have a free phone online if you look hard enough? Have I confused you enough? Do you still think you’re getting screwed ? Oh and I have the best news- I can’t do what you are asking. Isn’t that GREAT news?????
What a crazy conversation! I don’t know if I believe everything Gina told you. I think there was a cheaper phone online and she knew it and wasn’t telling you. Check it out further….
Found you at finding the funny.
Ha! I like smiles, too! Why do you think I come to your blog? Glad you figured out that while situation before disconnecting with Gina!
“No, it’s people that bother me. The noises are fine.”
I’d have that embroidered on a pillow, except the noises aren’t fine, either.