A Free Pass

People always talk about how they miss their childhood and wish they were kids once again.

While my childhood was relatively normal and I have no complaints other than the fact that my mom let me crimp my hair and dress up like “Blossom” on a daily basis, I wouldn’t want to go back to the elementary school days at all.

I like being able to make my own decisions, my own food, my own money and go anywhere without asking permission. Minus the whole “work and bills” thing, I think being an adult is much preferable to being a child.

But there are a couple things that I do miss—the lack of responsibility, the innocence of first experiences, and most importantly, the free stuff. Because when you’re a kid, people will give you things to make you happy and reward you for doing the very things you should be doing anyway.

For example, being a no-cavity kid was one of my greatest claims when I was little. I was—and still am—slightly obsessed with oral hygiene, and while I can’t be  sure what my motivation was at the time, I’m 98.2 percent certain that it had something to do with getting my Polaroid picture on their “No Cavity Kid” wall, picking a cheap plastic toy out of the toy chest and stocking up on free stickers and floss.

As an adult this distinction is no longer special. I don’t get my picture on a wall, but instead get the bill and a reminder to floss.  This follows an hour of poking and prodding in my mouth with sharp metal objects while asking me questions and making conversation, all the while knowing full well I am in no position to answer with their hands shoved in my mouth.

Sidenote: I still try, just to piss them off. Appointments can take an extra 20 minutes if only because I make them stop so I can tell them exactly what I have been up to since the last time I was in. Don’t ask if you don’t want to know. 

The same goes for the doctor. Going in for a routine checkup used to result in fun things like pencils and stickers and Band-Aids shaped like Crayola crayons or covered in superheroes.

Now I’m forced to wait in the exam room for half an hour, which apparently turns me into a kleptomaniac.  My impatience/annoyance will cause me to start going through drawers to stock up on things I can fit into my purse—latex gloves, tongue depressors, a few of the stickers that are no longer offered to me.

Sidenote: If you ever want the doctor to hurry up and come into your exam room, start going through the drawers and taking latex gloves, tongue depressors and stickers. It’s a surefire way to guarantee they will walk in at that exact moment.

Holiday cards used to contain money that you didn’t need then but that you could most certainly use now, suckers and candy were handed out at banks and on the occasion of a classmate’s birthday and you could take as many samples at the store without security following you around like some type of criminal.

Score one for childhood.

But I still think being an adult is much preferable to being a child. After all, as a kid I could only write catty notes in a journal about people who ticked me off.

As an adult? I can blog.

Score one for maturity.

This post was in response to the RemembeRED prompt to use the image above for your inspiration. It’s probably not what they were looking for, but then again, they’re not giving out free stickers to those who participate, so I went my own way once again.

What do you miss about your childhood?