Merry Muting

I understand that commercials are a necessary part of TV programming, but I have to think my grandma had it right when I was younger, as she would mute the TV every time a commercial came on.

She would often get distracted and forget to unmute which meant I never found out the first Jeopardy answer after commercial break, but creating those three or so minutes of silence makes much more sense now that I’m older.

Don’t get me wrong in that there are a lot of good commercials out there—I have been and always will be in love with the Slowskys—but the majority of ads that run are horribly annoying.

Now I don’t know if I’m just getting old and Scroogey, but this year it seems the holiday commercials are the worst.

Exhibit A—the Target Woman.

I tweeted a couple weeks ago how I wouldn’t be sad if this Amy Sedaris lookalike who screeches and pulls a variety of rubber faces as she gets in shape for Target’s doorbuster sales was hit by a bus. Although the sentiment might have seemed harsh at the time, I feel it’s fitting after having been exposed to her for the past two weeks.

I’m sure she’s a nice person, but her character is insane and she makes me slightly stabby, as did the Kohls Rebecca Black-ish version of their Black Friday jingle.  While I’m sure creating conversation was the point—well played Tar-jay—visions of violence dance through my head when exposed to her antics.

Exhibit B—Jewelry ads

Cue cheesy background music and a setting that involves a fireplace and gently falling snow, with two people casually huddled around the tree with hot cocoa as he pulls out a small box to surprise her with a rock of some sort.

They kiss, hopefully enticing the viewer into going out and making an expensive purchase to complete their own holiday scene. 

Blech.

What they don’t show you is that later he poses under the mistletoe wearing nothing but a well-placed Santa hat, thinking that small little box with the bow has earned him  at least a few nights of appreciation. She will be too busy putting a picture of the ring on Facebook to show off to her friends to notice him—or care when she does—meaning the ornaments on the tree won’t be the only blue balls in the room.

Exhibit C—Car Commercials

Now let me ask you this. How many people do you know that received a Lexus giftwrapped with a giant bow out in their driveway on Christmas morning? If you answered more than zero, I will feel like I hardly know you anymore.

Between the the Lexus December to Remember campaign and Honda’s “Holiday oh-ah Holiday” ads, it makes me want to run people over with my Blazer (complete with new fuel pump, Merry Christmas to me.)

 

And while I have no solid evidence, I swear that commercials for dating sites ramp it up for the holidays. It’s like they want to either a) remind you that you’re alone and no one will ever leave you a Lexus outside or b) prepare you emotionally for the relatives who will soon remind you that you’re alone and no one will ever leave you a Lexus outside. 

‘Tis the season for Merry Muting.

I don’t want to seem like a total commercial Grinch, so I’ll leave you with the Best of the Slowskys. It’s not holiday commercial related, but darn it, it’s a commercial and I love them.

 

Is there a particular holiday commercial you love or you hate?

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