I was sitting at my desk this morning minding my own business and
tweeting working my tail off, when out of the corner of my eye I saw a spider tip-toe across the carpet like Clara in the Nutcracker.
Alarmed, I did what any normal person would do and reached for the Febreeze I keep in my office cupboard (ironically, next to the Kleenex, which might have been more effective.) Despite a good three or four squirts, the eight-legged freak kept on booking through the Clean Linen shower, but then stopped a few feet away.
So did I, as quite honesty, I was impressed with both his gumption and the pleasant aroma of Febreeze.
Anyway, I can’t be sure, but I think he turned around and gave me the bird with his little spider leg. Apparently my attempted arachnid homicide did not sit well with him. He went on his way, and I can only imagine he sent out a bunch of Twitter litter about the skinny Polish chick that harshed his mellow with cleaning products this afternoon.
Whatever. At least now he smells fresh for the ladies.
My point is not that Febreeze is ineffective as an arachnid killer—although that much is obvious—but rather that I feel I should reverse my karma after the assassination attempt. And although I had another post ready to go up that’s a bit snarky and self-indulgent, that can wait a day or two so I can put some good vibes out there.
So with the holiday season in full swing, I will share with you a few of the cool things you can do to support some bloggers who are trying to put out some good vibes of their own. It’s a HUGE misconception, but bloggers aren’t just witty words and dangerously good looks. They also use those inherent attributes to give back, and here are some ways you can help.
Cool Things Bloggers Do That You Can Do Too
It goes without saying that you have already purchased my book, as I’ve sent out enough annoying reminders to do so, there’s a tab at the top of this page and a button on the side. But just in case you haven’t—and you know who you are, all you people—here’s another reminder that you should.
Oh, hi. Remember me?
After you buy my book, you will need a calendar for 2012 so you can put a big red heart or smiley face sticker on all the days I publish a post. You do that, right? Am I the only one?
Anyway, my girl Jules over at Michon Michon is part of the 2012 Blogger Body Calendar. This year’s calendar theme is: Survivor and Strength.
This year participants are showing off that survivor strength, not because they are all survivors, but because they all are supporters of every woman who has had to struggle against the violence. All proceeds will go Violence UnSilenced.
My friend Liz from across the pond at I Am Pisspot lost her mom to suicide 12 years ago and has since worked with a mental health charity to help others coping with the same thing.
So what is she doing now?
Being a runner, she’s running four races in four cities across Europe to raise money for the cause. If you’re interested in donating money, this link will take you to the official site.
After you read my book, you can read Jayne’s from In Jayne’s World, as she is releasing a compilation of 19 essays from the past two years of her blog. Each month, she’ll be selecting a different group to receive a portion of the profits from “Suitable for Giving,” but I would just recommend that you put it in your Amazon cart now with the multiple copies of mine and an avocado cutter or two.
Finally, Ms. Holly at The Healthy Everythingtarian has teamed up with another food blogger to raise money for medical supplies for the Haiti Medical Mission of Wisconsin. If you would like to donate to that, this link will take you to the official site.
So as you can see, bloggers do cool things like raise money by writing books, posing in calendars, running races and supporting mission trips.
And, you know, we save spiders from impending death and body odor.
This list is in no way complete, but simply a list of the things that I have purchased or donated myself so far (damn you, spider karma.) If you have something you would like to include, feel free to add it in the comments!
For now, Buy the Book. Save a Kitten—or any of the other things above.
Thanks for the shout-out, my friend.
1. Just because a spider smells like febreze doesn’t make it any less terrifyingly evil. Just saying. Now it’s mad at you. 😦
2. You do-good (do-cool?) bloggers are A. awesome and B. making me feel like a bum for NOT doing anything good this year. Maybe that’ll be my new years res – by this time next year, I’ll use my blog to at least promote SOME good cause that isn’t my bank account and my quest to one day own a cat.
Don’t be silly! You can use your blog to do whatever you want. I’m broke, so I use it to pimp out stuff other people can buy to help give back 😉 Everyone does what they can–a book, a calendar, a comment. And don’t worry. My next post will most likely be completely selfish and make you feel better about yourself.
I’m sure the spider would be proud of you and forgive you for febreze shower. I had already planned on buying your book, but I’m going to look into everything else too!
Of course the spider gave you the finger! The Fabreze made him fresh!
Thank you, Abby, so, so, so much for the shoutout!
As for the spider, I would watch your back, friendo, it sounds like that dude means war….
….whatever a spider war looks like….
I imagine it’s pretty ugly, what with all those legs and mini AK47’s.
what you’re doing with your book speaks to why you’re such a great person. Attagirl, Abs…
I accidently sprayed our kitten with Febreze yesterday. She’s currently not speaking to me. Which makes her fit in with the other 4 women I live with, quite well.
Meh. No big deal. What is a big deal is that your cat is going to be plotting your slow demise from this moment forward. Watch your back, funny man.
Abby! I am shocked to hear you would use your Febreeze so thoughtlessly. That is good stuff. 😉
Actually, it still made my office smell lovely, so it wasn’t used thoughtlessly at all! 🙂
OK, first of all, you know I’m gonna stand up for the spider. Spider’s are kinda cool lil dudes, I know they freak y’all out, but they eat bugs in your home that you don’t like (I personally hate flies). Plus, hello, how is it possible that we’re afraid of spiders when we can kill them, and they can, what, crawl over our foot? Ooooooo… scary and painful.
So. Be nice to spiders! If you must, put a glass over them, slip a piece of paper under, and put them outside.
Now stepping OFF my soapbox to say this is an awesome post and you have some kick-ass friends. People can be kind of amazeballs sometimes.
In my defense, I did let the spider live and I was at work. I have been known to do the paper/cup thing on occasion and recently preformed this heroic feat for a nomadic ladybug on my desk. However, spiders kind of freak me out. At any rate, he lived and smells nice, so win-win!
I love that you’re spreading the word about other bloggers’ activism, too.
CLAP CLAP CLAP
My husband uses his hand as a spider. If we’re sitting next to each other he’ll “crawl” it up to me and then do one of several things: For example, there is Love Spider, Pinchy Spider, and Fuck You Spider (where he crawls up, flashes me the bird and then runs away.) He likes to pretend he’s one of the sweet spiders and then suddenly turn into fuck you spider too. I had not considered Febreezing him, but I’ll give it a try!
Again, it’s like Mike and I are long-lost soul mates or partners in crime.
I found a black widow outside my house only to discover I had no sprays to kill such things. So I got some CLR from my bathroom and sprayed him ’til he died. I instantly had less disdain for chemically bathroom cleaners.
I try to do one nice thing for someone else a day. It usually ends up more like once a week. I’m pretty broke so I try to buy a homeless guy coffee, or get someone to smile, or other simple things where I don’t feel bad for not sending money to charities. I’m glad that bloggers do their part to get folks to think about stuff and donate. It’s nice.
I’m the same way. I would rather have someone just be nice and thoughtful to me (or others) instead of buying a bunch of stuff and then being an ass. Small gestures mean a lot, unless of course, you’re dealing with a freaking Black Widow. At that point, all bets are off.
I actually had a friend do the, “Why didn’t you just move the spider blah blah blah?” I said, “Umm, spiders, ants, and flies and I have a deal. I come in to your territory you can get me. You come in to mine, you die.” I actually once made a deal with a spider in my home that if he stayed in the guest room we were cool and he could live there. He came out in to the living room. He got smooshed. Plus, a black widow does not get the same concessions any other spider gets. IT’S AN EFFING BLACK WIDOW!!!
You’re doing a great thing and you’re so right that little things are so important. I bought your book, I’ve helped save a kitten or a puppy.
But, hell no to saving a big nasty spider. I stepped on one once and her babies ran everywhere and I had to murder them one by one, which I know, makes me a bad person. I’ll kill a scorpion, too. Just so you know. Those shits are huge down here. Plus, one stung my dog and no one messes with my dogs. My hubby teases me that I killed Charlotte and her babies. (Charlotte’s Web) I don’t stomp them anymore. That way I can avoid being a mass murderer. But, I’ll spray ’em with whatever is handy.
Will enjoy your book.
First, thank you for buying the book. I hope it doesn’t suck.
Second, thank you for making me laugh. And anything that messes with the dog-or my food-will find itself on the wrong end of…whatever sounds threatening. In other words, hell to the no on saving big nasty spiders and scorpions.
Bloggers win at life. I keep meaning to blog about your boooook. shit.
“Bloggers win at life.” Quote of the day/week/month.
Some say when you’ve written a book you feel like a different person. Is that true (in spite of your spider-related adventures)?
So cool! You gals are way more giving than me. I need to go and work at a food bank and then wash some lepers feet. Well, maybe I’ll pass on the second one.
Thanks for reminding us about the book. I’ve been meaning to buy but need to change all my addresses for my accounts, I suck, I know. But I will be buying soon!
I do the same thing when trying to kill animals. Hold up, lets back up, when trying to kill spiders, bugs, etc. I grab whatever is near, spray it on them and cross my fingers that it works. Hairspray seems to be the one I use the most.
I don’t see a lot of spiders in my house despite the over abundance of spiderwebs. Since they don’t bother me, I let their webs alone. So that’s probably why they steer clear of me. We have an understanding. If they become a problem, the webs will get it.
I’m all about supporting stuff. But I think my favourite doing good stuff thing ever was buying your book. I love saving kittens. And laughing. So this has been a very win win situation for me.
Now I will lend the book to others, but steal it back from them before they finish, so they have to go buy it themselves to get the whole thing. Genius.