Word Search Vol. 2

If you weren’t around for the first Word Search post, you missed out on the fact that people evidently find my blog by searching  phrases like “Bedazzled yoga pants with garlic” and “Your lizard looks a little limp,” among other things.

This was so fun last time that I think I need to make it a monthly event, mostly just because it makes me giggle, and sometimes I just want to use the word “giggle.”

Plus, I need to lighten things up after my last post, and what better way to do that than to share the fact that people found my blog by searching “cleaning the kitchen floor naked with squirrels?”


This is what you get when you Google “naked squirrels,” in case you were wondering, which I’m sure you weren’t.

Sorry to disappoint whoever that was, but given my OCD and the fact that they have sharp little toe nails, no squirrels will set one little furry rodent foot inside my kitchen. They can watch the naked cleaning through the dining room window just like everybody else.

So without further ado, here is this month’s batch of WTF search terms:

  • Groping girls in yoga pants
  • Pictures of elderly people in wheelchairs having a sock hop at nursing facility
  • Popcorn you make in your pants
  • Grandma smokes weed every day and tells me it’s not addictive
  • The broccoli meant a lot to the starfish
  • It’s a smartass Abby thing (Editor’s note: touché)
  • Ho ho ho seriously she works that mistletoe like a pro
  • How to plate pencil asparagus in fine dining
  • Nude gnomes digestive system
  • The Lexus December to remember we’re poor and miserable
  • Most comfortable underwear for wedgie prone women
  • I bet your screen doesn’t have a cookie on it
  • Bitch, I know you ate the last piece of chicken (Editor’s note: this one came up four times. Again, I do not eat meat. Let it go and simmer down.)
  • Your ass won’t run itself off
  • Elderly thong bingo
  • You better hurry up and start being awesome because I’m not waiting for you

And finally, this last one is going to become my motto for life:

I’m not only putting on my big girl panties, I’m putting on my bitch bra and my shit kicker boots.

Amen, sister.

Like the blog? Put on your big girl (or guy) panties and

Buy the book.

22 responses to “Word Search Vol. 2

  1. Hahhaha that’s awesome! I haven’t had any really good search terms yet… “Gia alcohol” was nice (and unsurprising) to see. Though I am very proud of the fact that someone found me by searching “best boyfriend trophy!”

    (ps, I’m a veg too. Hope someone finds me by searching meaty thing, like “mmm bacon”)

  2. StoriesAndSweetPotatoes

    LOL. I have one of these posts in my queue soon too. I’ve been getting GREAT ones lately. I like “Bitch, I know you ate the last piece of chicken” and “Your ass won’t run itself off”. I also think those are from the same person.

  3. …”Popcorn you make in your pants”???!

    And ever since I did a post about ass-kissers, I get hits from google image with ”ass-kissing” EVERY SINGLE DAY. There are so many people looking for images of ass-kissers, you won’t believe it.

  4. Hm. I also heard you work the mistletoe like a pro, but I thought they were just rumors.
    Guess I stand corrected.

  5. Melanie The Spork Lover

    I have a vivid imagination and I just pictured “elderly thong bingo.” *shaking head sadly*

  6. My favorite search term for my blog is “she whipped him with a wet.”

    A wet what? I will never know.

  7. Two things:

    1. “The broccoli meant a lot to the starfish” sounds like a long-winded indie band name.
    2. Whose screen door DOES have a cookie in it? ‘Cause I totally want to be friends with them.

  8. I didn’t even know the words “Nude gnomes digestive system” could be combined and searched for. Amazing.

  9. Ok, so I’m wearing my shit-kicker boots AND bitch bra as I type right now…..

    At least your blog isn’t INUNDATED with naked Sofia Vergara search terms. In particular, people seem to be very interested in her ass/breasts and combinations of rather sordid acts involving either of these body parts.

    • It’s funny, because that’s EXACTLY how I found your blog. Quite frankly, I’ve been disappointed with the lack of Vergara references as of late. Step up your game, bitch bra.

  10. Ok, couple of things:

    1. Damn funny!!
    2. Being a blog virgin, how do I check these for my own site?
    3. Damn funny!!
    4. I could make some snarky comment about joining the squirrels in the backyard for the cleaning show, but that would be crude.
    5. Damn funny!!

    • From the looks of things, you also have a WordPress blog. That means you can check your search terms right from your Dashboard screen. If you go to the left and hover over the little “Dashboard” house thing (technical term, as you can tell) there’s a “Site Stats” option you can click. That gives you all the info!

  11. These are all hilarious.

    I think my favorites are:

    Popcorn you make in your pants & Most comfortable underwear for wedgie prone women.
    In fact, I’d really like to know the answer to that second one.

  12. Pingback: Link Love 12/16/11 | Cordelia Calls It Quits

  13. It’s true, my ass won’t run itself off. It does get the runs often though (too much spinach lately).

  14. The whole making popcorn in the pants thing intrigues me yet grosses me out. The “elderly thong bingo” takes the cake and I want to read the broccoli and the starfish story!

    • Broccoli starfish sounds a bit like some wonky recipe created on Food Network’s “Chopped” or something. I can promise that will not be found on this blog. And if anyone offers you popcorn made in their pants, just say no.

  15. Dude. You apparently write a lot about underwear. lol. The funniest thing to me was the “Bitch, I know you ate the last piece of chicken.” –> What the–?!! LMAO. Was that a line from a movie or something?

    Here’s today’s WTF word search for mine: “sexy girl belching” oh yeah, so sexy.

  16. mwahahahahaha! Totally love all these. Must trade in my big girl panties for shit-kicking ones IMMEDIATELY!

  17. I didn’t realize I could look at the terms people used to find my site until reading your post. So I poked around on my stats and found it. Thanks for the tip.

    By the way, my best one was “bubble butt yoga pants.”

  18. my stepmum and I are watching a very serious movie, and it’s at a very serious moment… and i just guffawed at least 3 times. she probably thinks I’m cracked.

    also, I really enjoy the word “giggle”, not gonna lie.

    (i also really enjoy seeing what people used to find my blog. my favourite to date: “does your eyeball come out when you have cadraic surgury” W. T. F. :S )

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