A Gnome Noel

I know most of you are busy doing holiday things and not reading blog posts from yours truly. (I won’t take it personally, unless I should. Should I? Excuse me while I go obsess about this.)

But I thought I would amuse myself by presenting to you a poem with a little help from the incomparable Uncle June.

A Gnome Noel


I’ve already published some holiday posts,

But Uncle June wanted his say.

So now we present to you our little poem,

To celebrate on Christmas Day.

He’s had quite a year and has seen some new things,

from  New York to Detroit he did go,

And who could forget the night just last month

at the theater to see a show.

There was mystery surrounding a fountain or two,

And the big gnome was left off the hook.

Uncle June told me they’re all in the clear,

As gnomes always live by the book.

Speaking of books he did make his debut,

And is waiting for agents to call.

I tried hard to tell him the point of the book,

Wasn’t fame, but was giving to all.


But still he assumes that the one page he’s on,

Will guarantee fame and some riches.

I found Post-its around with his chicken scratch notes,

About book tours and agent pitches.

He’s kind of confused but I think he’s okay,

And told me to tell all of you.

The support that he’s witnessed has blown him away,

(He’s small, but that’s still hard to do.)

But as for this week and the holidays now,

He’s spreading the “spirits” ‘round town.


Eggnog and cocktails and things filled with rum,

There’s really no drink he’ll turn down.

Myself, I’ve laid low and just hung out a bit,

But the same can’t be said for the gnome.

Last night he was passed out right under the tree,

This is what I found when I got home.


Then later I found him all dressed up again,

with mistletoe stuck to his head.

And I still have no clue how he managed to climb,

Up the tree without winding up dead.

Between book things and travel and blog cameos,

He appears to be getting quite haughty.

Perhaps he’s just sowing some more wild oats,

Or the holidays bring out the naughty.

What I think it is is the presence of elves,

The other small guys in December.

They make all the toys and they get all the credit,

While old Uncle June’s not remembered.

So instead of enjoying the holiday season,

The family, the food and the lights.


My little gnome friend is apparently bitter,

And drinking away silent nights.

But with all that said he still sends you his love

And I don’t think that’s just the rum talking.

For when he’s not drinking or pimping “his” book,

He also spends time cyber stalking.

Blogs and The Facebook and Twitter sometimes,

He feels grateful to know all of you.

And hopes that your Christmas was filled up with joy,

Or at least a strong cocktail or two.

As for me, I’m not drinking, but wish you the same,

And look forward to times up ahead.

I feel like there’s so many things left to share,

And many words left to be said.

Hopefully Santa has brought me a muse

And some focus to get those posts done.

But now I’m just dealing with one drunken gnome

who apparently loves everyone.


So no matter the way that your holiday’s spent,

I hope that you enjoy your day.

And know one drunken gnome and a rambling blogger

send heartfelt good wishes your way.

Like the blog? Buy the book.

21 responses to “A Gnome Noel

  1. Merry Christmas Uncle June. Tell your buddy Abby to check her email.

  2. Merry Christmas Abby and Uncle June! I was going to get him a little card but the sales chick at Hallmark gave me a twisted look when I asked for one. Skank.
    I love the photo of him passed out under the tree with one ornament. This is how pretty much every holiday get-together with my Polish relatives ends.

  3. Have a very Merry Christmas to one Michigan girl from another. It’s been great fun getting to know you through your blog.

    Give Uncle June a tiny little hug from me (sounds like you might need to hold your breath tho’).

    I hope you find that new muse, since the ones we had are living it up in the sun somewhere.

  4. StoriesAndSweetPotatoes

    🙂 Happy Holidays Abby!

  5. I’m glad I’m not the only one reading blogs this morning. I should be doing stuff and leaving but I’m too lazy to blowdry my hair so I’m lounging until I get motivation. I still want to see Uncle June and Matilda meet up and see what crazy shenanigans they get themselves into.

    Hope you have a very Merry Christmas and send my best to Chauncey as well! Yesterday my dad told me his new nickname (because he likes to give himself nicknames) is Chauncey, I immediately thought of you.

    • Oh my god. I would LOVE an Uncle June/Matilda hook-up. Can you even imagine? More importantly though, your dad gives himself new nicknames on a regular basis? I kind of love it. I’m kind of confused, but I kind of love it. Merry Christmas to you (and Linx!)

  6. What an awesome poem! Loved it! Merry Christmas!

  7. Don’t forget about us Jews. We’re just chillin’, figuring out which movies to see tomorrow and which Chinese restaurants are still taking reservations! Love your poem about Uncle June.

  8. Hhahaah what a great poem! Merry Christmas!

  9. Merry Christmas, friend! Watch Uncle June around wide-brimmed glasses, unless he can swim, and in that case, party on June. xo

  10. For Uncle June – with thanks

    As I celebrate Christmas in a non-Christmassy way
    and ponder Uncle June’s poem (what magical clay),
    the silence around me grows louder and louder
    I sit and savour it feeling I couldn’t be prouder.

    You see I said NO to the glitz and the glam
    of a store bought Christmas with all the flim-flam.
    Staying stress free, for me, is a an art
    that I managed this year, so this is the start.

    A new way to be in a world of rush at full throttle
    and I don’t even need to turn to the bottle.
    The food, books and music I like the best
    are in the house, aiding my quest for rest.

    The kidlings and grandlings will come tomorrow
    to exchange gifts of hugs with no brow furrow.
    Grandlings will be given their gifts, each a gem,
    bought earlier, with love, just for them.

    We’ll eat finger food so no washing up
    and watch the kids splash in the pool (a blow up).
    The sun will shine brightly here is Oz,
    where we meet to make our own Christmas gloss.

    So tell Uncle June to join the new Christmas ideal
    of sitting in peace, doors closed, on an even keel.
    Reading his favourite blogs, especially his niece’s,
    that are full of wonder, like warm furry fleeces.

    These are the best presents that we can wrap around us
    like warm hugs, so inspiring and fabulous.
    With hand on my heart, I wish you all
    peace, and when you need it, a safe place to fall.

    ps: This the first poem I have ever, ever, EVER written, so please don’t laugh. Oh, alright, maybe you can have a titter or two. What the heck! Go for it – laugh your socks off. I did.

    • I sent you an email, but I just wanted to publicly tell you this is awesome. I have no idea who you are, but I am so happy you decided to make your poetry debut on my humble little blog, as it’s awesome 😉

  11. Hope you have a wonderful Christmas. Love the gnome and the poem. It’s been so great getting to know you this year via the blogging. I really appreciate the friendship and all the support. Us angst ridden writers need to stick together.

  12. hope you had a nice holiday – and of course you too uncle june.

  13. Happy holidays Abby! I hope you are enjoying the weekend!

  14. It’s good to see somebody else with a healthy gnome obsession… well I’m not sure if this is a frequent thing for you as this was my first time stopping by. But I like what I see. I on the other hand (if I was ever on the first), I have 2 gnomes… Terry and Jerry… I knew the one would get real bored, so I bought them as a pair. Something tells me these two were supposed to end up together, they are *quite a pair* if you know what I’m sayin.

    • Terry and Jerry sound like a lovely gay couple with great interior decorating and a taste for the finer things in life. Uncle June has outdoor friends, but they’re slightly larger than him and don’t travel as well.

  15. eeheehee, Uncle June gets a big thumbs up from me 🙂 I think he and I would get along really well.
    I quite enjoy your poems.

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