I’m a Winner!

I just about crapped kittens when I found out that I won not one, but TWO Studio30 Plus Boomerang Awards, as voted on by Studio30 Plus members:

2011 Best Female Blogger (a tie)


2011 Blog of the Year

Although they promised me a cool button/badge to put on my site next week, I found out there was no formal awards ceremony or anything. This is kind of disappointing, as I was planning on wearing these


My birthday tiara…


…and an attempt at makeup that would  make a drag queen either proud or absolutely disgusted. You know how I crap glamour.

But since there’s no ceremony, I’ll just have to go ahead and wear the get-up to the grocery store one night this week like I had planned. The snow presents a bit of a challenge with the shoes, but now that I’m a WINNER, perhaps I can just get someone to carry me so my feet don’t actually have to touch the ground.

I’ll let you know how that works out.

Anyway, I suppose I should give some sort of speech, so here’s where you visualize me walking up to the podium in those kick-ass shoes, tripping and hitting the floor—most likely exposing my ass to the audience—and bravely adjusting my tiara before saying:

First of all, I would like to thank the whole crew at Studio30 Plus, as finding that community has most certainly been a highlight in my year.

The amount of talented people that interact on that site is ridiculous, and I’m constantly humbled by the things they can do with words and that they let me into such a cool club (never mind that they let everyone it. Go with it.)

Second, I would like to thank anyone who has ever read anything I’ve written, unless it was one of those stupid posts in which I just complain. I’m sorry about that, but it will probably happen again.

My blog is tiny in comparison to the millions of other bloggers out there. It’s not self-hosted, it takes me hours to figure out how to add a crappy picture (see above) and I pretty much just ramble about whatever’s on my mind.

Yet a handful of you guys still read, and despite what I may claim, it is nice to be noticed and acknowledged in some way. Blogging is a hobby, and unless your hobby involves poking rabid animals with sticks, hobbies are supposed to be fun and not stressful. 

So until someone actually pays me to write this crap—I’m a WINNER now!—I’ll try not to spend too much time stressing that I have nothing to write about. No promises, but I like you guys and want to have fun. That would be impossible if I worried about following 10,ooo people or getting 10,000 people to follow me.

That’s never been my goal.

In fact, my “goal” list includes items like “make a new to-do list” and “find the piece of broccoli I dropped down the couch,” not “become the next Bloggess.” (Although honestly, that would be cool. The Bloggess thing and finding that piece of rogue broccoli.)

So I am very humbled and grateful for the awards and would just like to thank everyone for everything everywhere. That includes my couch for being a constant source of support, and Comcast for providing such shitty service that I often have angst I can channel into a post.

And don’t worry!

Just because I’m a WINNER doesn’t mean I don’t still put my pajama pants on one leg at a time like you do, only to realize that I’ve been wearing them backwards a couple hours later. That won’t change either. I’m prepared to stay humble and self-deprecating. 

But most of all, I promise to never forget the little people—the drunk nuns, the Verizon phone operators, and of course, Uncle June.


Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go stress that I don’t have anything else to blog about, put on my tiara and try to get something free at the bookstore. “But I’m a WINNER!”

I’ll let you know how that works out.

You Can Be a Winner, Too!

Because I’m a WINNER, I want to make at least two of you feel like winners too, so I’m giving away two (2) signed copies of my book. If you already have it/don’t want it, I’ll send you a $10 Amazon gift card instead.

All you have to do is tell me a) the name of your pet and why you chose that name or b) what you would name your next pet. I’ll randomly select two people from the comments on Wednesday and email the winners.

58 responses to “I’m a Winner!

  1. StoriesAndSweetPotatoes

    Congrats Abby! You deserve it! Self hosting never got anyone anywhere. I do already have your book, which is where I read the Verizon story and nearly died of laughter. In answer to your question I have a dog named Pixie who received that name because my family had named so many pets over my lifetime we just couldn’t come up with another one so my mom, who worked at a school at the time, asked some random kid to pick a pet name. Pixie it was. She’s an odd little mutt from the pound whose head is much too small for her body.

  2. I am so fucking stoked for you!

    You totally deserve both awards.

    When I first found your blog, I read it in an entire day. From that day forward, you became one of my favourites. In fact, your blog is the only one I read religiously, and I’m so glad that we have become friends through it.

    As for pet names, my cat is called Lily. When she was a kitten, she was cute and pretty, and so I named her after one of my favourite flowers. Turns out, she is a goddamn nutcase with sociopathic tendencies. She’s still cute and pretty though.


  3. Congratulations! You totally deserve it because you are funny and prolific. Lots of people are one or the other but both are hard to do. Good luck with the broccoli.

    Our dog’s name is Jasmine but we got her used (rescue place) and didn’t pick the name so it probably doesn’t count. Although I did pick out the nickname, Jasmanian Devil, because: She. Is. Crazy.

  4. Congratulations, Abby! Both awards are deserved. You’re an engaging, funny, and intelligent lady, and as long as you’re writing, I’ll be reading.

    I have a Kindle copy of your book, and I’d love a real copy! I have three cats: Sushi, Kisa, and Poe. The reason I chose their names are varied and endlessly interesting I’m sure, but I’ll spare you my rambling on about all three and just tell you about Poe. Not surprisingly, Poe is named after Edgar Allan Poe, who is the dark lord of my writing inspiration. Being all gothic and moody, Poe and his work are right down my alley. Poe was going to be the name of the black kitten I adopted from the shelter, but instead, we adopted a calico kitten who thinks she’s a dog. The name doesn’t suit her personality a bit, which makes it all the better.

  5. There is no reason why you can’t wear your heels and tiara around the house anyway, right?

    My cat’s name is Minnie Mouse, which I did not choose unfortunately. Generally I call her Mimi, or ‘smelly butt’, the former because I’m lazy and the latter because I am also mean.

  6. I no longer have a pet, but I used to have a 217 pound Newfoundland named Barkley. Why did I name him Barkley? My teenage sons were big basketball fans at the time, and I told them to name the puppy after something big and black, ’cause we new he would be big when he was full grown. They came up withe the name Charles Barkley!

    We also had a cat named Xerox. Why Xerox? Because he was the son of Double Ditto and looked exactly like his mother, who was the daughter of Ditto and looked exactly like her mother. Ditto was named that because she looked exactly like her mother Walter, who was a bit of a gender mystery. We were sure Walter was a male, hence the name, then he fooled us by giving birth to a litter of kittens!

    And I would love to win a copy of your book!

  7. Congratulations on the awards!!! You deserve them for sure.

    I already have the book but my last two kitties were named Regan and Carol Anne, based on The Exorcist and Poltergeist. The two pits I adopt will be George and Weezey, in honor of The Jeffersons. 🙂

  8. You inspire me. And I hope you ARE the next The Bloggess because how awesome would a world full of Bloggess progeny be. My dog is G Nugget, because he is gangsta, but just barely. If we get another dog, Shakira. Dog hips don’t lie.

  9. You are one of the first clicks on my laptop every day. Your humor and personality are special.

    Congratulations on your Boomerangs.

  10. Our kitten is called Hiccup, and our other cat is called Spanner. We don’t like traditional names in this house. Hiccup was actually named after the character in ‘How to Train your Dragon’. With Spanner it seemed like a good name to compliment the dog we had at the time who was called Sprocket.

    Love your work and stoked that you are winning awards. Go you!

  11. I don’t have a pet….but my neighbor named his dog Balls. Which I find amusing. He said it’s because he likes to chase them not because he has them….because he doesn’t. He’s ‘fixed’. Nice. If I got a new pet I’d probably name him something artsy fartsy like DuChamp. Or something ironic…like if I got a pig. I’d name him Bacon.

  12. congratufuckinglations, that’s rad.

    • well i just wanted to congratulate you, not enter. i am not big on entering giveaways. BUT, since you emailed, i will tell you. ummm. i didn’t name randy, he was marshall’s before we were together. and penelope just got her name because i love the name.. and her middle name is jane, short for janetha. boring story!

  13. Salutations and Congratulations! That is awesome!

  14. Congratulations! Love the shoes…which grocery store so I can come see!! My Shi Tsu was a black and white I named Mouffette. It is french for skunk. Since he was a boy I called him Mouffy for short because others thought the name was feminine. He lived for a little over 17 years and I miss him every day. Someday soon I will get another best friend…just not yet. And I have to see him to name him/her so we’ll see!

  15. Congratulations. I definitely deserve it. We have two dogs named SPOON and LLAMA. My kids named them. My son loves the Tick and named his dog after his catchphrase, “SPOON.” My daughter loves llamas, so named her dog LLAMA.

    Our next dog will be named DEOGI. Pronounced like the letters D O G.

  16. I am so sorry. In the first line I meant, You definitely deserve it. I am so glad I caught that.

  17. my son (dog) is a six year old 95 lb golden retriever – Buddy

    we also have a little gilr kitten, – almost 8 months old named – Monki

    I’m excited about the awards. But the way this robot is programmed, I come across as meh.

  18. Please take a photo of you at the store! We’ll make that pic the new Studio 30 Plus mascot!

  19. I should have read the directions….
    1. Espe (short for Esperanza which means hope in Spanish.) – Our friend from Argentina suggested it.
    2. Taos – We went to Taos, NM as part of our honeymoon.
    3. Bee – He was already named by our vet who raised him by hand. He slept with their son’sstuffed animal Bee.
    4. Uno – He only has one eye. (Stop it….I didn’t name him!)
    5. Callie – She was a feral cat living under our shed. Hubby worked with her. He named her.
    6. Lily- She is Callie’s baby. She was born under our shed. Hubby named her too. She’s blind.

    We’re like the home of unwanted cats.

  20. Woo hoo, congrats, you rock, well deserved!!!

    Your blog is fast and funny and smart… luuuuv it!

    As you know, I got bupkus. Zilch. Nada. But that’s okay, some brief therapy sessions and I will be just hunky dory…

  21. First of all, if I win, I just want those delicious pretzel things you send me often (because you rock). And for you to sign my already owned book the next time I see you. 🙂

    As you know, my dog is named Zoey. She’s named after Zooey Deschanel (but we clearly didn’t spell it right because that looks like its pronounced like that place where they house lots of animals). Anyway, I have a girl crush on her and my husband thinks she’s cute too.

    If we got another pet, we would probably name it James. Our two cats (Ira & Georgia) are named after 2 band members from a band called Yo La Tengo, and there’s a third member, James.

    Sorry, that was long.

  22. Congratulations! My cat’s name is Marsellus Wallace……taken from Pulp Fiction.

  23. HOLY FREEKING COW, ABBY!!! I always knew you were a winner, I mean we all read and follow you, right? I’m so thrilled for you, I love seeing people I read do so well. Spectacular.
    Now, on to sucking up so I get a book! My former pet’s name is Berkley after the University(she’s an African Grey Parrot, big talker, lol). I had to find a new home for her because I became highly allergic to her feathers, I’m still seriously sad but I got to be her friend and “mom” for 12 of her formative years.
    So, my next pet will be a dog… name either “Woof” or “Abby”( does sucking up work? Hehehe.) I thought it would be hilarious to have to go outside and call “Woof, WOOF, come here WOOF WOOF!”. Ya, I have a strange sense of humor because the joke would be on me!
    So, do I win?
    Again Abby, congratulations on your spectacular win. You deserve it.

  24. Congrats!! Well deserved!

    Let’s see, the name of my first pet was Snowball – it was a big white albino guinea pig. (I don’t have a pet now, so I’m going with my first). I don’t know how I got the name Snowball in my head (I was in preschool), but I do know it was very important that I got an all white one so I could name it that.

    Hmmm…next pet? Well, if I ever get a cat….I’m leaning towards Sasha Fierce.

  25. Congratulations! I’m always excited when I see a new post from you pop up on my Google reader. I love your blog and writing style.

    If I had a cat, I would name her/him RyanGoslingCat.

  26. Congratulations!!! You ARE a winner 😉

    We are sadly down to 2 pets in our home. Emily is our Kitten (named during my daughter’s phase where all animals, toys, dolls, etc were Emily). Our cutest damn hamster in the world is named Rascal (by same daughter) but I call him Peanut since he is tiny and looks just like a little Peanut. He should be named Lucky – we recently saved him after his paw got stuck on the cage and he was dangling upside down for an unknown period of time. No clue how long he was like that but the poor baby had tried to gnaw and free himself. We had NO idea he’d survive it but he’s happily running in his wheel right now!!

  27. Congratulations! Your awards are well-deserved!

    I have a pet, but it’s not your ordinary kind of pet. It’s an electronic cat. (I recently moved into an apartment) I missed my animals, so I got this fake one until I decide whether I’ll go that route again.
    It is named Boo-Boo, because I made a mistake in buying an electronic cat that has a totally fake meow, it’s horrid! But the purr is fabulous…

  28. Oh YAY! Congratulations, Abby! I am sofa king happy for you. Well deserved indeed.

  29. Good for you!!! Enjoy, and post nice pics in your celebratory outfit!

  30. 1. Congrats. You rock.
    2. Those shoes are something else.
    3. My latest cat is named Xena because when I first brought home that “timid” 2 pound ball of fur, she took a swipe at the Labradoodle and chased the 15 pound male cat out of the room.

  31. Well first off, congratulations on being a winner! You already were in my book, but at least now it’s official. So I don’t own your book yet (shameful, I know) but I would love to receive a signed copy of it so how about you just go ahead and announce me as a winner and we’ll just forget about this whole “randomly chosen” crap? Well just in case, I’ll go ahead and play along. My pet’s name is Juan Carlos and he’s an 8-year-old Chihuahua/Culinary Genius/Major Badass. He was named this because Juan Carlos is the King of Spain and well, there ya go 🙂

  32. Congratulations- you already know I think you’re mahvelous, darling!! However, I’m confused- are you going crap kittens or glamour? Both would be weird.

  33. congrats on the well deserved awards.

    scout due is his always “scouting” around to check out his surroundings when new. and bella and scout2 – rescue and foster – because they came w/. well actually scout2 was scout but since there was already one scout in the house …

    i already have your book – which is great and keeps me in chuckles – so if by any chance i would win please donate to your local animal group of choice.

  34. Congrats on your awards! I won two myself, and I was stunned.


    As for the animal names, my cat’s name is Weeble. When she was a kitten, she’d wobble back and forth, but never fall down. She didn’t walk a straight line until she was 6 months old!

  35. Congratulations, to a very original, very authentic voice.

    WHy I love blogging, the interesting, wonderful, REAL people I meet.

    NOTHING like in my real life.

    COngratulations, sweet lady…so happy when good things happen to no bullshit people.

  36. Congrats!! Your blog is awesome and, also, that tiara is very versatile so I don’t see a reason why you can’t wear it to work/the gym/your next TV event. Doooo it!
    I’ve always wanted to get either a really small dog and give it a vicious name like Killer, or a giant mean dog and call it Sparkle or Peanut or something. I went through a phase where I really wanted to get a dog and name it Webster, like the dictionary, because I am too cool for school. Best dog name for a dog I’ve actually met has been Waffles. I can’t even say that word and not grin.

  37. Never had a pet. Don’t want a pet. Although I do name my dust bunnies–Eenie, Meenie, Miney, and Mo.

  38. I have no idea what your book is about, but I do like free things. Not that I ever win them. I am confident this will be my first. Recently I had a hamster named Hampy. We got another hamster and named him Hampy 2. Then came the mouse … wait for it … Mousy! I wanted to name our first born son Hugh the human or Babe the baby but the hubs wouldn’t have it.

  39. No one deserves this better than you. Remember when I told you that you are so genuine? Yes, you do. Anyway, that’s what people have responded to and love. It doesn’t matter if your site looks fancy or you spent a bunch of money on it. It’s all about those connections you’ve made and how what you’ve written has resonated with people. I’m just happy I was part of Studio 30 since it brought me to your blog.
    Keep writing! You rock!

  40. Congrats to YOU! I know you are totally excited, but please don’t crap any kittens. That sounds horribly painful, and the world already has enough, thanks…

    Cheers to you!

  41. Congratulations, our cat is named Montecore after Siegfried and Roy’s Bengal tiger.

  42. So proud of you!! Well-deserved award, madame!
    And I don’t know why we named Mac “Mac”… I just liked it I think and he responded to it so we rolled with it. Anyways, you rock that tiara girl.

  43. Sweet!
    If you’d wear the tiara to work, I’ll sing to you in the cheesiest, lounge lizard voice I can muster. “There she is… Miss Female Blogger 2011…”

    I names my dog Kenai. Kenai is the name of a massive river in Alaska where my Uncle lives. I love going there. Don’t really know why I named the dog that, but it fits. We got her after my sister found her abandoned on the side of the road. Didn’t take long to decide she should be our puppy!

    I guess Kenai fits, however, as her name because when she meets new people, she tends to “flow” like a river. I’d bring her in to meet you, but I’m betting she’d flow all over your shoes. How could I ruin such shoes as those?

    If you pick me as a winner, keep the book – We have one. And donate the $ to the animal shelter in Kenai’s name. How’s that sound?

  44. Congrats on the win!!!!

  45. My cat’s name is Bud because when he was born, his mother rejected him. He went quiet and stopped moving. In an attempt to save him, my mom picked him up, petted him and said, “Come on, little bud. Hang in there.” When he started wiggling again, my mom placed him in front of his mother again. This time, she accepted him and went on to raise him into a fine little boy. The name Bud stuck.

    As for a future pet, the name would really depend on the personality or circumstances (or if they already have a name, like my horse did when I bought her).

  46. I always knew you were a winner!

    Congrats on the awards. I think it’s due to the fact that you’re NOT super tied-up in becoming the next Blogess that your blog is so fresh and relatable and so many people love it. Keep on doing what you’re doing, because it’s obviously working!

    I already own your book, but I’d love a signed copy and will pass my current copy on to a friend if I win. Our big dog’s name is J.J. because she came that way when we adopted her and having lived 5 years with that name, we didn’t want to confuse her. (No relation to J.J. Abrams, to my disappointment.) Our little dog’s name is Scrappy Doo, because she looks like a scruffy little hobo and clearly the shelter’s given name of “Camelia” was horridly wrong for her (as well as misspelled.) 🙂

  47. Congratulations! I love LOVE the shoes and I think they go great with the tiara.

    We have three dogs:

    Daffodil – the pit we rescued. She’s a big bruiser AND a delicate flower.
    Sparko – the greyhound we adopted from the racetrack. My husband was going to name him Gilbarko after the fuel lines at the gas station because he liked the name but I think my husband thought Gilbarko was just too twee so now he’s Sparko Sparko Gilbarko
    Belle – the chihuahua that was abandoned near my husband’s business and who adopted him. My husband named her Belle partly because we had to put a bell on her collar so we wouldn’t step on her. We’d never had a dog that small and were really freaked out about it.

  48. Congrats! Well deserved! I have three pets. I’ll talk about my cat. My cat’s name is Elliott because he was feral at the college I attended, and he lived near The Elliott Building. So, when I finally trapped him, and he was screaming as I hauled him across campus, he needed a name so I could tell him to please be quiet, so Elliott it was.

  49. Congrats! You deserve it. My cat is named Nomar after the former Red Sox shortstop.

  50. Congratulations on the well-deserved awards. Having been a consumer of blogs for years, I think what you do is unique. You have a distinct, authentic, and entertaining voice. Having written a blog for about a year, I now realize how difficult what you do really is: publishing quality content several times a week using that distinct, authentic, and entertaining voice.

    My dog’s name is Chuck. He came with that name. I hated it at first, because his foster called him “Chucky,” which reminded me of the evil doll from “Child’s Play.” We tried to think of a new name, but after about a week it was clear he was Chuck. He knew his name and we couldn’t come up with anything better. I have 8 million nicknames for him though, including Chuck Dog Fluffy Pants, which is a take on Sponge Bob based on how ridiculously fluffy Chuck is. When we wait too long between groomings, his leg fur starts to look like pants.

    My husband wants to name a dog Angus one day.

  51. Congratulations, Abby! 🙂

  52. Congrats on both awards! Very cool.
    You know I will never turn down a chance to talk about my pets 😉 We named Lulu “Lulu” because I wanted something ridiculously feminine that we would never actually consider naming a baby. We got Pippa right after the royal wedding and it seemed to go well with Lulu, so the rest is history 😉
    Oh, and I would love a copy of your book!

  53. Congrats again, very well deserved!

    My dog, Alfred (as you know), aka the world’s cutest canine, was named such cuz even as an tiny 6-pund puppy he had an old man’s wise face, on a ridiculously large head, and reminded me of a bobblehead version of Alfred from the Batman movies. I had chosen ‘Oscar’ before I held the little furball, then changed it on the spot. As I have a serious stutter, I was choosing names that would not trip me up (so Jason and Tallulah were out).

    My step dog Quinn was named by my husband after a character in the science fiction TV show Sliders. He claims cuz he was the most interesting character, I think cuz was the young hot one….

  54. one of my “pet”/companion animals names is Foucault after the philosopher. we just like the name, and there are no mix ups at the vets office, well other than the pronunciation. it’s Fu-koh.

  55. Congrats Abby! Your blog is great, it makes me laugh. If I don’t win the book I probably will buy it 🙂
    I have 2 dogs- Bolo & Max. My bf named max because the pound had named him J.R. And it was just dumb. Bolo is named that because he is a 90 pound pit, and he is just a lot of crazy energy. (get it- Be On the Look Out) he is always underfoot after our food etc but he is th best, they both are 🙂

  56. Hey! I found your blog sort of recently and am now navigating through the archives by means of links from page to page…anyway, I had a cat named Kitty. Kitty was a cat. Therefore, I named her Kitty. ‘Nuff said.

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