Liquor Before Beer, Never Fear

There are a lot of people who like beer.


A sign from a bar near my house.  Apparently they didn’t have a liquor license for a bit and were really excited to tell people they got it back.

In fact, a majority of people I know love beer and I’m pretty sure I could have paid for my college tuition with bottle returns from family functions if my crazy uncle didn’t hoard them every time so he could buy batteries for his metal detector.

But I, for one, couldn’t care less about beer. In fact, I’ve never had more than a sip of the stuff and despite the fact that it would be a cheaper option than my Vodka for the couple times a year I have a drink, I have no desire to try and acquire a taste for it.

Is it because I worked as a cocktail waitress the summer of my 21st birthday and the exposure to dollar drafts and douchebags debauchery turned me off?

Possibly, but that didn’t stop me from “sowing my oats” and celebrating that whole summer. I have stories, but I also have memories of having to serve Mexican food while nursing the worst hangover of my life due to an ill-advised Four Horseman shot and half a bottle of Vanilla Stoli after work the night/early morning before at a frat house.

It’s been nine years and I still can’t smell vanilla without getting nauseous.

At any rate, I never took to beer. I also tried to like wine, but it gave me a headache and reminded me of church, which just made me feel guilty on top of feeling hungover.

But that brings me to the stereotypical beer vs. wine person debate.

There used to be this image of beer drinkers being “everyday” blue collar workers asking for Busch in a can at a restaurant and crushing the can on their foreheads, while wine drinkers were women who “did lunch” and requested pinot with their pedicures.

When I was serving I had a woman who always sat on the patio and ordered draft beer in a wine glass because she wanted to drink beer but look classy to the people walking by.

Yes, because fine wine always has a tan hue and a head of foam.

Anyway, at least around my city, microbreweries and beer festivals have been popping up just as much as wine bars and vineyard tours. It’s not just Miller Lite now, but beer with ingredients like fruit, chocolate and coffee, meaning there are more options and more people taking to the hops.

This also means the stereotypical “lines” are blurred and there are now beer snobs and wine pounders, wine snobs and beer pounders, men who drink wine, women who drink beer and that weirdo who will ask for her beer in a wine glass.

I still get confused with all the options and considering the fact that I’ve only tried the crap from the tap and not some hoity-toity mix of hops, I admit I can’t really say I don’t like beer.

However, I don’t think I’m willing to try.

If I’m feeling the need to imbibe, I’ll just spend my money on a Vodka gimlet, fully aware that one is all it takes to turn this lightweight into an (even more) unfiltered karaoke queen ready to perform “Baby Got Back” with the enthusiasm of a used car salesman doing his own commercials.

But if you need to grab a beer—holy s*#t—I can tell you where to find it.

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Side note: If you’re still having a problem leaving comments, here’s a pseduo-explanation from the “Happiness Engineers” at WordPress. My self-esteem is based entirely on external validation (and sarcasm), so let’s get this issue resolved, now shall we?

41 responses to “Liquor Before Beer, Never Fear

  1. I WISH I could drink beer – it’s so gross, I can’t handle it. I’ll take a sip, but I’ve yet to find one where I feel like I can drink the whole thing. Wine and gin are where its at for me.

  2. Your blog is doing to me, what mine used to do to you. So I changed my email contact so maybe it’ll let me comment this way.

    Beer snobbery is getting right up there with wine snobbery. We have beer pairing dinners here in town, which is strange to me. We just had “beer week.”

    I used to love beer. I still drink n/a beer, but maybe one a month.

  3. We have many micro-breweries in Maine, as well. I’d still rather have a Vodka gimlet!!

  4. Okay, the beer in a wine glass thing is just weird. Wouldn’t it get warm faster? Ick.

    I learned more about alcohol waitressing than I did in college. It has also led me to stereotype people based on their drinking choices. It’s not very fair and I don’t put a lot of stock in it, but I do have certain thoughts about people who prefer rose.

    I’ve never been a big drinker, but I do enjoy a good craft beer or some vino if the mood strikes me. Liquor, not so much.

    • Ha. I did/do the same thing with what people drink. I don’t judge, but it’s always funny to find out what direction people go (if they go at all.) I’ve never been a big drinker either, but you learn a lot when you work at a bar–for better or for worse 😉

  5. I grew up on beer and love it. I don’t drink much these days, but when I do, it is usually beer.

  6. I go through phases with beer. I loved it when I was younger, but only the light girly stuff. These days I’m really enjoying exploring new kinds, and am shocked at my love of IPA’s. But you know me, I’ll always be a wine girl at heart.

  7. I don’t drink beer out of anything but bottle unless I’m at someone’s house and they serve it differently or my wife insists i get draft because it’s so cheap.

    You and The Bobina drink the same. she doesn’t like beer either.

  8. vodka and lemon lift. Thats better! well since beer is gluten, i can’t have it. Although I do crave a good corona with lime when in mexico. it’s gotta be the salsa.

  9. Ahh Abby you make me laugh, and since you judge people by their drink, you’ll like me because I drink baby duck and strawberry margaritas. Hehehe. ok, kidding. I actually agree with you. I go for a fuzzy navel or screwdriver anytime over beer. Although, if there’s ice wine going around I’m game!
    Jenn of

  10. Well, don’t I feel like an asshole? I dislike beer, wine AND vodka. Just revoke my Polish passport right now! 😀 I don’t drink much anymore thanks to the head injury, but when I do, I’m all about rum, tequila and anything a man would be embarrassed to drink. Because I’m adorable.

    • Ugh. I don’t drink much either and considering I don’t eat meat, I’m basically the anti-Polack. But if I do, it has to be vodka. Rum, tequila, etc…devil juice.

  11. I can drink some of the fancy beers but wine is my preference. And if I have a beer, you can bet your ass I’m drinking it out of a glass. I’m not an animal.

  12. I developed a taste for beer because I’m cheap and in college it was cheap. Now? I mean I can take it or leave it. But I stlil can’t drink Cranberry juice without smelling the vodka that’s not in it. True story.

  13. personally, my favorite (and clearly classy) drink is red wine and sprite. i only drink it at home, for obvious reasons.

  14. Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd

    Ok, one failed comment. Let’s see if this one works:

    I don’t like beer and wine, either.

  15. Yeah, they are REALLY excited about serving beer.

    Such a good point about the sudden mix of beer snobs and wine pounders and beer can crushers and vineyard visitors. I’m screwed – I like it all.

  16. I’m a stereotypical vodka gal, myself. 😉 I like wine. I can deal with certain beers, but I’m not really a fan. I just don’t fancy non-vodka drinks that much. Well, except for rum. And then only white rum, not spiced rum.

    I guess I just like clear alcohol.

    The Mister is a BIG beer guy. He has a decent palate, but can still kick back with the cheap stuff. He’s even making some of his own beer now.

  17. It seems everyone has a hang up with some version of flavored stoli. You’re not alone with that, my friend.

    I used to be simply a vodka and wine girl. But now it seems I’ve been slowly more experimental with beer and have to say I enjoy the lighter microbrews and cannot imagine anything better to go with pizza or BBQ. This is a big step for a girl who used to practically have to hold her nose to pound keystone in college. Gag.

  18. I already wrote a comment, eluding to beer making me queer. There was a lesbian joke in there, I was quite proud.


  19. That sign’s pretty funny. I do like beer quite a bit, but prefer it straight from the bottle. I’ll keep my wine glass reserved for wine, thank you very much. I never have cared much for liquor. I fear that means I’m terribly unclassy.

  20. I think that, fortunately, society has moved past its association of one’s alcoholic beverage choice with ones social status… mostly. Though I could never understand my ex-boyfriends love for beer!

  21. kelleysbreakroom

    I needed the laughs today and you are bringing them! Thank you. 🙂 Loved this because it did remind me of my uncle. He was all about the Crown Royal. My mom would buy him Crown Royal for a Christmas present sometimes. Depressing, right? As always, thanks for linking up with us over at #findingthefunny!

  22. I would like to be cool and drink beer, but it makes me violently ill. So I drink wine. Because you have to drink something.

    Stopped by from the Not Mommy hop 🙂

  23. There definitely are beer snobs!! You know, those who hunt for some fine beer brewed there and then with all those extra fancy flavour details…. I couldn’t care less about beer either. It’s gross, and since I’m coeliac I can’t drink it anyway.

  24. I was one of those classy (bloated) microbrew drinkers. I took my passion (alcoholism) to the next level by actually working in a brewery. Nothing’s more embarrassing than almost being sent home by your boss at the brewery for bad hangover breath. Yes, I’m sober now.

  25. It’s part of that whole “artisanal” wave. Remember, I wrote that post about the artisan snack chips? It makes everything sound more posh and then companies can get away with charging more. I’m not a beer fan myself. Too many college parties with kegs and awful smells.

  26. I just stumbled across your book and your blog. Thanks for saying what we would like to but don’t have the abilities to string the right words together. I will be reading your blogs regularly now and will be trying to get your book. Thanks so much.

  27. Vodka’s been on my shit list since college. I still can’t get near the stuff. And me and wine don’t get along well these days (I get the whole facial flush thing which is mightly attractive). I guess I must confess to possibly being a beer snob. I only like one style of beer: Imperial stout aged in bourbon barrels. Good lord. Well, that confirms the snobbery I suppose 🙂

  28. Beer was a taste I forced myself to acquire after high school. I’ll drink it every now and then, but it’s not my favourite. And wine makes me barfy.

  29. I’m that way with Tequila… can’t even smell it. Just the thought turns my stomach, yuck!

  30. I just found the “Not Mommies” blog hop today. What a great group! I love your eclectic posts. Although I’m a mommy of a grown man, I don’t blog about that.
    Anyhow. About beer. Here in the Pacific Northwest we have some really good wine, but beer bars seem to be popular too. Hey, whatever it takes to get us through those long dark winters. Right? I’m open-minded.
    I enjoyed your post and I’m looking forward to reading more.

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