Uncle June Does Dallas

Thursday night Uncle June is grabbing his bags and heading out for another work trip to Texas, but instead of Houston, it’s “June Does Dallas.”


I’m going, too.

You know I hate travel, but this time I’m going by myself, I’ll be home Sunday afternoon and it’s a convention that will require comparatively minimal effort in comparison to the other trips.

I went to this convention two years ago, and although I’ve tried to block out the traumatic memory, I feel the need to tell you exactly how not wonderful it went in hope talking about it will eliminate the chance of it happening again.

It started out okay in that my plane landed safely (always a good thing) and I arrived at my hotel room to find a nice gift basket welcoming me to the event.

However, I soon found out that the promised Internet connection didn’t work and they had no plans on finding out why that was. At all. I had to walk through the rain to a coffee shop and buy tea so I could use their connection for a couple hours each day/night to get work done.

But that was the least of my worries that trip.

The first day I was there I lost my favorite zip-up hooded sweatshirt walking back from said coffee shop. Not only was it my favorite sweatshirt, but it was my only coat for the trip.

The mall that my hotel was connected to—one that included a food court with veggie options—closed at 3pm during the week and didn’t even open on the weekends (this is still the case, but I’m including it anyway.)

At a costume party the second night I only lasted until 8pm, not because it was nearing my bed time—although it kind of was—but because I became extremely queasy.

I ran back to my room and began dry heaving into the hotel toilet.

So there I was—dressed like a hippie and dry heaving into a foreign crapper, wondering if it was food poisoning or the flu—when I started to lose my vision as a migraine set in.

Five minutes later I was half in my pajamas but with my hippie hair piece still in, still dry heaving with a migraine and my OCD raging, wondering how things could get worse.

After a sleepless night of nausea and several pleas with the devil to take my soul in exchange for relief, I soon found out how things could get worse.

I went to e-register and get my boarding pass for Sunday’s flight and found out I had made my reservations for MAY 18 and not APRIL 18. I could detail the long story and frantic conversation with the airline, but it boils down to me being a distracted idiot and that my travel troubles aren’t limited to simply being directionally challenged.

At any rate, that trip was a disaster but not because of the convention itself, so I’m hoping this time will be exponentially more pleasant. At the very least, I hope to not find myself dry heaving into any toilet anywhere and have access to the Internet if I do so I can blog about it.

And since I know you’re wondering, I have triple and quadruple checked my itinerary.

I will be coming home Sunday.

Of this week.

With the gnome…and hopefully a better story. 

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36 responses to “Uncle June Does Dallas

  1. Be safe and careful

    What’s up with you and Texas? Does this mean Uncle June will be seeing the Alamo in San Antonio later this year or running with dangerous senoritas in Brownsville?

    • I know, right? I don’t get to choose the location, but it’s simply coincidence that it’s Texas twice is one year. Lucky me! Why can’t it be Michigan?

  2. Running from Hell with El

    I’m smirking sympathetically. I hope you got your dates right and the migraine doesn’t come visiting. This reminds me of a trip I took to Marietta Georgia to a client’s manufacturing plant. To make a long story short, the entire legal team came down with the flu and the men were cryin’ for their mamas.

  3. Hopefully this trip to Dallas will go better than the one you descrbed. I always say that my city is better lived in than visited, but hopefully you will find something entertaining to see and write about.


  4. Good grief! I hope this trip is less harrowing for you! Good luck!

  5. …And add to the misery of the memory by recalling the fact that you could not even check in because the agent wanted to see your credit card to verify and it was at your house. Ahhh the sweetness of it all.

  6. Are you dressing up this year? And yes, migraines suck.

    • No, I’m missing the costume party tonight as my flight gets in late. It’s “Circus” theme this year though which sounds creepy to me–clowns. Ugh. I’m not sad that I’m missing it.

  7. Aw I definitely hope this time is better! Not having internet ruins EVERYTHING for me.

  8. I really hope it goes well this time. And I’ve never in my life heard of a mall that is closed on the weekends. How very bizarre.

  9. I can only wish you luck on your next trip…that sounded pretty much awful. If there was a silver lining, I sounds like you puked on it.

    • Well, it’s been two years since the “incident” and I’ve had a few trips in between with no heaving, so I’m hoping that streak will continue. If all else fails, I’ll CREATE a damn silver lining.

  10. Good luck on your trip dear! What kind of mall closes at 3 pm? I can not wrap my mind around this.

  11. Traveling can be such a bitch. When things go wrong and you’re away from home it’s always bajillion times worse!

  12. Hopefully you aren’t stuck in the commercial/Market hotels – it’s pretty grim there. Sad ’cause Dallas is nice….unless you are sick in the hotel…similar travel experience created such delightful thoughts as “wonder how long I’ll lay here on the floor before they find me”. You are due a totally wonderful travel experience – hope this is it. Good luck.

  13. what??? my comment disappeared.


    Wanted to say: I love the way you tell a story.

    and, also: a new tagline for you: Healing through Story Telling.


    • I’m honored you stopped by, but kind of ticked this is the post you stopped by for. I’m whining, but that tagline most certainly applies to so many other posts…so many. 😉

  14. StoriesAndSweetPotatoes

    God speed. Keep June in line.

  15. The mall was closed on the weekend? As if!

    Safe travels!

  16. Heaving in a foreign toilet. That was a good line.

  17. Well, I obviously missed the opportunity to wish you luck on your trip, as you’ll be getting back today, but I do hope it went well with absolutely no dry-heaving.

  18. Looking forward to an update on the travel. Being away from home and sick is the absolute worse. I sat on a flight from London to Tokyo with the stomach flu. Then, I was sick for the ten days we were gone as we traveled to Singapore and then Indonesia. Every time I get on a plane I always say a little prayer that I won’t get sick.

  19. I am pretty much guaranteed to get a migraine every time I travel, so I feel your pain. I hope this trip was an uneventful one for you. Welcome home.

  20. Eek, hope this trip goes much better. I am not a good traveler either. My husband likes to remind me, often, that I was covered in hives for half of our honeymoon. Romantic.

  21. ahh! Oh my gosh. What a trauma!! I had to laugh at the ‘foreign crapper’ comment. But hotel with no internet access is totally uncool. Hope you are not at that hotel again!! And I have had those visual migraines so I totallly know how much it sucks. I hope you have a much better time this year! And welcome to Texas!!

    • I’m home and all is well, as there was no bonding with the foreign crapper. I have to go to Houston every year for work, but for some reason, Dallas never agrees with me! 🙂

  22. I wish you the best of luck, my friend. Had any 2 of those things happened to me during a business trip in an unknown place, I would have ended up in the corner somewhere in the fetal position and talking to myself.

    Well… anywhere but the mall. Because it closes at 3. Obviously.

  23. The lack of internet would have sent me packing and headed back home ASAP.

    I’m so sorry you lost your favorite hoody aka the only coat you had for the trip. That blows.

    WTF kinda place closes at 3pm and never opens on the weekends? How strange.

    Dry heaving = AWFUL. Just awful.

    I feel so badly for you! Although you’ve made it sound funny, this is definitely what I would consider to be a total fucking nightmare.

  24. kelleysbreakroom

    If you ever need me to watch Uncle June on one of these crazy work trips, you just let me know, ya hear??

  25. If I didn’t live in Dallas, I would probably hate visiting here just as much. But a mall that closes at 3pm? I’ve never heard of any such thing! That’s just downright wrong. I hope this trip went much better.

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