Dear People of the Interwebs,
You never fail to amaze me. Between some of the brilliant blog posts that urge me to think in new ways, the comics that make me laugh and the sports scores that keep me updated, I don’t know what I would do without you in my life.
However, I have to point out that most of you are weirdos. Well, at least those of you who found my blog through a variety of confounding search terms, with only a small set of examples below.
I’ve shared some of those gems a couple of times in the past, but they just keep coming and the few I included below (unedited) are too good to keep to myself.
So People of the Interwebs, thank you for providing me with not only a chuckle at the fact someone landed here by searching “elderly squirrels with no verbal filter,” but also for making me feel like my issues pale in comparison to whoever searched for “busier than a cucumber in a women’s prison.”
Sincerely,
Abby
Word Search, Vol. 3
- Got bored, searched boobs (*editor’s note: sorry for the disappointment
- I’m a girl and willing to do anything for Detroit Tiger tickets
- Mariah Carey in yellow latex
- I don’t need to kick your ass life will do that for me
- I would exercise but it makes me spill my drink
- Squirrels in Polish babushkas
- Has anyone ever written a letter from the kitten tooth fairy?
- Naked yoga for elderly people
- Squirrel with tits after my nuts
- I don’t usually fart in public but when I do I lean to the left
- The internet stops me from being productive
- Squirrel getting a speeding ticket
- Hold your head high and your middle finger higher
- I’m starting group meetings at my house for OCD cats
- The count’s sesame street toga party
- A gopher mixed with Steven Tyler
- Victoria’s Secret panty bunch on a fat dog
- Julia Child/Martha Stewart fight club (*editor’s note: Yes, please)
- Trippy squirrels do Crossfit nude
And lest you think they’re all a bit off, there was this one:
“Don’t let your mind bully your body into believing it must carry the burden of its worries.”
Now that’s one I need to remember.
Well, that along with “how to be a bossy bitch.” The first one, I’m still working on. The second one, I’ve got covered.
Like the blog? Buy the book.
Abby Has Issues 
You have some issues with squirrels. Luckily, they’re all funny ;~)
Huh. I wonder if that leaning to the left thing is universal. Or maybe south of the equator, they lean to the right? 😛
Abby, what are OCD cats, exactly? And, I’m curious about the Victoria’s secret panties on the fat dog… People only search my blog for dirty wives liking porn (due to my 50 shades of grey post, I guess and not because I don’t wash my floors often enough.)
I never said I WAS running an OCD meeting for cats, but if one exists, I should probably start attending. And you write one post about underwear and you get all the weirdos…and squirrel lovers, apparently.
Squirrels, babushkas, naked yoga, fight club. Now there’s some improv potential in this list. (Bet this post really gets even more search hits!)
Total tie between naked yoga for the elderly and the count’s toga party. I almost pictured the first one. I had to stop my mind from going there. Because of these posts every time I get a new weird one I feel the need to email it to you. 🙂
Feel free! You know I love them 🙂
There are some strange characters out there doing some really strange searches. It boggles my mind!
Now that is an interesting way to find your blog! And some really random google searches, too…geez!
Ha! I think a lot of your readers live in my neighborhood (this is why I don’t leave the house).
The wide variety of readers you have is astounding. From those obsessed with squirrels to those looking for a little elderly naked yoga love…it’s truly a delightful mix.
I would exercise but it makes me spill my drink …
I just died. These are so funny! Thanks for sharing!
This is hilarious! So much talk about squirrels! I will remember that one guy sharing how he leans to the left when he farts in public. That is important stuff to share and know about someone.
The editor’s note re: the boobs is the icing on the cake. Hilarious!
Love it! I’ve done a search term post before too–people are just so entertaining! Perusing my search terms is quickly becoming a favorite past time. Today’s gem: “chinchilla moonwalking.”
I NEED to see a chinchilla moonwalking.
wow. that is A LOT of squirrel.
the best one I have had recently is “how to make a penis cake without a mold”. the most disturbing, there were three hits from it. I have never talked about penises, cake or otherwise, so… I dunno. 😀
Yeah, I really don’t understand the squirrel thing. I’ve only mentioned them once or twice, yet they keep coming up in Polish headwear or cursing. I’ve also had a lot more, ahem, “interesting” ones, and I have no idea why. Like you said, I’ve never written about those things, but whatever. Good for a chuckle 😉
Yes! 🙂 I love all these. In a while I need to post mine too because they’ve always been strange but it’s just ridiculous now. It’s my own fault I suppose for writing with strange words but I’m constantly surprised about what people type into google. It’s like the most secret thing anyone can do nowadays, except it’s not really a secret at all…
Mariah Carey in yellow latex? WHY would you want to see that?
Squirrels in Polish babushkas? Yes, ok.
A gopher mixed with Steven Tyler? Fine.
I don’t need to kick your ass life will do that for me? Agreed.
MARIAH CAREY IN YELLOW LATEX? NO.
Hahaha! Hilarious – AND scary!! Thank you so much for the disturbing mental images – I hope they don’t trickle into my dreams tonight in the form of a yellow-latexed OCD squirrel with a penchant for eighties music …
I think I’ve actually seen a picture of a squirrel in a Polish babushka somewhere online!
And I’ll let my cat know about the OCD meetings!
Someone should tell that girl that Detroit Tigers tickets aren’t that hard to get. No need to put everything on the line lady!
Hi Abby! Don’t you just love to look at your searches? I continue to be fascinated that the #1 hit each day — consistently — from the archives is “On the Fear of Lice.” I should probably run it again. I wonder what wacky terms are there today.
Oh my Gawd! I do not know what is the funniest one up above. In general, squirrels offer confounding comic effect. Naked elderly people doing yoga!? Gah! Hey, the Julia Childs/Martha Stewart fight club–we all know Martha would kick her ass LOL. That woman is as wacky as a . . . pissed off squirrel. Maybe that’s why I like her so much.
Okay the farting and leaning to the left is hilarious. Maybe they were looking for like-minded people and in that case, they would find me right there with them.
I must say reading that my mind gets into some serious boggling
My, I haven’t gotten anything nearly as weird as that! Now I feel so boring…
“I don’t usually fart in public but when I do I lean to the left ”
That is sofa king funny!
Your a bit of a weirdo yourself to keep me interested.
But isn’t it amazing the things people use to find us? I relly don’t know how that works. It must be just one word in a sentence. Unforunately, I’ve discussed anal problems before so I won’t mention some searches I’ve been found on.