Happy Birthday to my Mom

My mom’s birthday is this weekend and even though she hates to make a big deal out of things, I refuse to let the day go by without stressing over the fact that I want her to have a good day.


So I baked her the cupcakes I bake her every year—on Tuesday—just so she could enjoy them all week. I also gave her one of her cards already and she kind of knows what she’s getting for a present, only because once I actually have the gift, I have a hard time holding on to it.

But since she reads this blog, I decided to give her a little birthday poem as one more thing to add to her birthday list. So without further ado:

Many years ago you came out grandma’s lady parts,

With five loud boys already they were thrilled with all their hearts.

Finally! A girl this time! And born on Father’s Day!

Grandpa was so thrilled that it had all worked out that way.

Little did they know that Kathy was a wild one.

Catholic school and church had little impact on your fun.

But you made it through and married and got pregnant one fall night.

Bringing me into the world, a freaking ray of light. 


Now we drive each other crazy but a “crazy” that we get.

With drunken nuns and shopping trips that we can’t soon forget.

You’ve always done so much for me despite your daily pain,

and you rarely throw things back at me when I’m acting insane.

Then there are the emails and the texts you send each day,

To tell me that the ass of your old jeans has ripped away. 

Or sometimes just to update me on ballgame scores and such,

and send me links to baby sloths you know I love so much.

My point is that you’ve played the role of both my mom and dad,

Teaching me to give more than I ever thought I had.

So even though you hate a fuss and frankly, I do too.

Enjoy your cupcakes and your gifts, perhaps a beer or two.

As for cards, I found the one you needed in your hand.


For those of you who read this post, I know you’ll understand.

Happy Birthday (week) Mom!

Like the blog? Buy the book.

Do you request any special food or treats for your birthday?

30 responses to “Happy Birthday to my Mom

  1. The ass of her jeans rips out every day? Maybe that could be a good present – nice, sturdy-ass jeans.

    Seriously though, Happy Birthday to your mom! I also don’t like to make a big to-do about my birthday unless I’m using it as an excuse to not do something (work/errands) or to eat too much.

    • Oh no. Not every day. And buying her new jeans is tantamount to finding a needle in a haystack and then sticking that needle in your eye. She’s on her own for that one.

  2. All right. I’m back. I had to make a detour via the pet cemetery story before I could leave a proper comment here.

    My mom is the baby of my family. We NEED to make a big case of her birthdays and Christmas! We could hook up our mothers, my mom could knit all the pet sweaters and quilt all the blankets your mom would need for her loved ones!

  3. You almost lost me at “grandma’s lady parts” but I soldiered on! Happy birthday abby’s momma!

  4. I’m more convinced than ever that our moms will be roomies at the Home one day. My mom’s bday is coming up in a few days – I might need to borrow this poem. 😉

  5. Happy birthday to your mom! That last photo got me.

  6. What a great poem! and I love the cat card. Happy birthday to your Mom!

  7. Hope your Mom has a Rockin’ birthday. And if that is you on the toilet, what were you smokin’ or drinkin’ ’cause someone looks stoned!!! LOL!!!!!

  8. *sniff* I love when you get all sentimental.
    Happy Birthday Mom! Thanks for Abby!

  9. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

    Happy Birthday, Abby’s Mom!

  10. To all of my baby-girl’s great friends, thank you for the happy wishes. But I need you to know I would be empty without her, so it’s a win-win for me forever. She is amaze-balls which is a word I know she hates , and that is why I used it. Hey! It’s my birthday week, and I feel entitled. In her words, Carry On!

  11. StoriesAndSweetPotatoes

    I love it! 🙂

  12. Happy B-day to your Mom! My mom would probably love for me to write a poem for her for her Birthday…pressure might be too much though to come up with something by November.

  13. I understand Pet Cemetery is one of my favorite Abby posts 🙂 and I understand that you are an incredibly loving daughter. Happy birthday to your momma!

  14. I almost didn’t read this because I thought it would make me too sad. It did. But in a good way. You’ll never have a friend like your Mama.
    Happy Birthday Abby’s Mom!

  15. Happy birthday cousin. We should celebrate. Have a great day.

  16. Dear Abby’s Grandma, thank you for bringing Abby’s Mom into the world.

    Dear Abby’s Mom, thank you for bringing Abby into the world.

    Dear Abby, thank you for bringing your blog into the world.


  17. Happy Birthday Abby’s Mom!!

  18. Happy birthday to yo’ momma! I love her bc she brought us you, but also I’m fairly certain she’s a pretty fantastic lady.

  19. Happy Birthday to your Mom!

  20. Happy Anniversary to the ripping of your Grandma’s ladyparts!

  21. What a brilliant poem. Your mom sounds awesome. Happy birthday to Mama Heugel, who was a wonderful friend and parent(s) to Abby!

  22. Happy Birthday, Abby’s mom! A poem and cupcakes. You raised a good kid there.

  23. Happy birthday to her! She reminds me of my own Mom in that she doesn’t like things for her birthday.

  24. Love it! Happy Belated Birthday to Abby’s mom.

  25. This is awesome. Gave me boo-boo tears!

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