Senior Moments: Hail Mary

June 21 is not only the first full day of summer, but also my grandma’s 90th birthday.


This is how we party—batting helmets and bibs.

If you’ve read this blog for any amount of time, you know that she’s quite a gem, to say the least. I’ve written many posts about our “Senior Moments” at the home — everything from Bingo etiquette to dating advice — but I haven’t had many to share lately simply because there aren’t as many funny moments as there were in the past.

Heck, she’s 90.

You can’t expect her to tap dance and sing, although she often requests that my mom and I do a little of both. But she did call an old lady a cocksucker yesterday, so there’s that. Considering she’s 90, I suppose she gets a free pass on that one only because the woman referenced wasn’t a nun.

It could always be worse.

Anyway, the Tigers serendipitously had a day game today, so we spent the afternoon watching the game and treating her like the Polish queen that she is.


There was a hot dog bar—which meant I had to explain once again to her that tube meat is not vegetarian so she could call me a spinster hippie—Cracker Jacks, decorations and cake.

It was also 352 degrees in that room, yet she still insisted on bundling up and telling us that she was cold.


That’s her friend Evy that I named a doll after when I was little. I also had a doll named Gert and obviously no young friends. 

Anyway, as a mini-tribute I’m doing that annoying thing where I link back to some of the funnier old posts that you might have missed the first time around. (I promise my next post will be “new” and probably not improved.)

If you have a few minutes, I invite you to get to know the woman who inspired me to complete my first full phrase as a fat little baby — “goddamn dog.” She claims that she doesn’t know where I picked it up from, as it surely wasn’t from the 203 times a day she would yell at their old poodle Pokie to get off of the couch.

From that point on she only swore in Polish, which meant I only swore in Polish. At least at that point no one knew what the fat little baby was saying.

Again, it could always be worse.

So Happy 90th Birthday Gram.

I’m not sure I could love you much more.


Senior Moments

Senior Moments Bingo

Senior Moments Opening Day

Senior Moments Dating

Senior Moments Fork Fight

It Was a Drive-By Beaching

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28 responses to “Senior Moments: Hail Mary

  1. “because the woman referenced wasn’t a nun” <– HAAAA. love it. your grandma sure is a cool one – I recognize it because I had two.

    happiest of birthdays to her – sounds like a fantastic celebration perfect for her! I'm keeping this post open so I can re-read all the linked posts again, they are too good.

    • There are always nuns wandering around, but I think most are used to that by now. I also should have added that her name’s Mary. Otherwise I guess the post title doesn’t make sense. Anyway, love when you stop by!

  2. Happy 90th grammy! She is so damned cute.

    Good lord. I’m a spinster hippy too.

    I want to be old enough to get a pass for calling someone a cocksucker.

  3. I’ve loved your posts about your grandma; she looks great!

  4. I Love My Girl!! Thank you for being there all the time for the ‘G’. xoxo

  5. Happy 90th to your grammy! She’s fantastic!

  6. I’m a grandma fanboi. She and my late grandmother Gram would have gotten along extremely well. same attitudes.

    Happy birthday, Ma’am

  7. Yea! Happy Birthday! I wouldn’t mind being 90 if I had my brain and a nice granddaughter who — oh, kid-free living.. right. Crap. I keep having to remind myself to start endearing myself to young people.

    • No crap. Right now I have niether of those things, so I best start scouting my options. Has Gordon learned to cook yet? Monie can’t serve me a damn thing without it being covered in hair. Cats…psh.

  8. Happy B-Day to your Grandmother! Since I am new to your blog I am now going to go catch up on your posts about her. My only living grandmother is actually my husband’s and she totally rocks. Would really get on with yours as well.

  9. Thanks for sharing your gram. She looks great. Well, you know what they say, 90 is the new 70.

    They won the game today just for her.

  10. What a milestone! Happy Birthday Gram!

  11. This is my first time commenting (though I stop by often), and I am dying here. I love your grandma! That is all! 🙂

  12. Both of my grandmothers were dead before I was born to older parents (does the term “rhythm baby” mean anything to you?) but my mom lived until she was 93. I know the fun you’ve had, and the love.

  13. happy birthday to you gram. she sounds like a true orginal and an absolute gem. thanks for sharing her w/ us.

  14. Awww… happy 90th to the g’ma!

    And I love you for saying the 21st is the first full day of summer. Too many people say it’s the 20th. They’re just wrong.

  15. Happy birthday to Grandma- she is my type of gal. Cocksucker?! She rocks.

  16. Your grandma is rockin’ that cap. Just sayin’.

  17. Your grandma makes me smile. At 90, she deserves to just say it like it is and not give a crap. She’s earned it. Happy Birthday to her! And..umm, what are cracker jacks? I have always wondered…

  18. That girl looks like she knows how to party. Happy Birthday, Grandma. I hope no goddamn dogs hop on the goddamn couch during your celebrations.

  19. Wow, congratulations to her! That story about the swearing is HILARIOUS.

  20. this sumofabitch just deleted my comment.

    ANYWAY. i’m back on the INTERNETS. i’ve even gave my blog a makeover to prove it. i’m happy to be getting caught up on your stuff, i’ve missed you dear.

    your gram is 90, i’m gonna be 30 in two days. eh, i can only hope for tube meats at my party.

  21. I also have a grandma who is over 90. It amazes me when I think about how much she has been witness to in her lifetime.

  22. Awwwwwwww! Happy 90th Birthday to your wonderful Grandmother! I love that she called someone a cocksucker. And I am off to read the other links/stories about her.

  23. Happy 90th! I love these pics. Especially the Tigers hat and license plate on her chair. That’s just freaking awesome. That’s how I want to be when I’m 90.

  24. Here’s to spunky grandma’s with foul mouths!

  25. Happy birthday a lil late! And here’s to swearing into our 90s! 😀

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