The other day I was philosophizing and asked, “If a writer posts something that nobody reads, does her head make a sound when it bangs on the desk?”

The resounding consensus was that yes, it does make a sound, and it’s often loud enough to scare a cat or small children who are within earshot of said desk. Profanity—or “flowery, colorful language,” as I prefer to call it—might also accompany that sound.


But I have to think that anyone who has ever written something more than a grocery list has experienced that “head desk” moment of self-doubt and frustration after sharing their work.

You can have the best idea EVER—better even than the OveGlove—and proudly hit publish before sitting back to bask in the glow of praise from the masses. Links will be shared! Comments will be left! You vow to stay humble and remember your roots!

But it stays dark for a disturbingly long time, even upwards of 10 minutes or so (we’re talking writer time here.) There’s no immediate glow to bask in. In fact, there’s not even a spark.

So you go back and read it over again. Still convinced that you hit a home run, you tweet out the link one more time and decide to go start jotting down notes for the next post.

The next post?

Crap. What the heck are you going to write about now? Considering no one liked the last post you put up 15 minutes ago, the pressure’s on to come back with something better, something that will really knock them all dead.

Maybe a post about how you don’t care what people think or if they ever read the stuff that you write? Or maybe a funny take on the writer’s block that everyone gets — everyone does get writer’s block, right?— except it wouldn’t be that funny considering you’re convinced you’ll NEVER BE FUNNY AGAIN!

Taking a deep breath, you resist the urge to just start posting things to stay relevant — you don’t want to be “that” girl — and instead get the cat high with catnip. The tolerance she seems to have built up only slightly disturbs you, but her requests for rolling papers do set you on edge.

To distract yourself, you check for external validation from strangers on the Internet…still nothing.

Emotionally drained at this point, you stare forlornly into your sparsely populated liquor cabinet and think, “I’m an artist, dammit. I can’t work under these conditions.”

Then you remember that you don’t really drink and that your flair for drama has clouded the fact that your sparsely populated liquor cabinet is actually the shelf with your toaster and steamer.

You take that as a sign from the universe to feed your feelings, after which you send yourself an email just to make sure it still works.

It still works. So you sigh. Dramatically. And bang your head on the desk.

The cat rolls her eyes before leaving the room.

So goes the life of a writer.

Like the blog? Buy the book.

46 responses to “Philosophizing

  1. Read it. Liked it. Commented (first?) on it. So, you can stop in mid-head-bang!

  2. you never cease to entertain me.. with words. write on my philosophical friend, write on.
    Love the sending the email to yourself trick. LOL

  3. My wife’s latest post on her blog is about big balls. To be more precise, a recipe she invented to resemble large genitalia. AC/DC is heavily referenced. So she might be a little worried and positioning her head for major desk bangage…… but I’m pretty amused.

    I’m glad you guys endure the suffering for your craft! Gives all of us something to chuckle about and makes the day a little brighter!

  4. This is hilarious because it is so true! I went through this just last week…probably because that was the last time I posted something worthwhile. Thank you for putting my feelings and actions into words so eloquently and with humor.

  5. *pant* *pant* I’m here! I’m commenting! I ran the whole way!!

  6. Ugh, so right. When I get like four comments on what I think is a good post, I’m always left going to Boyfriend “WHYYYYY WASN’T I FUNNY TODAY!??!” And if he can’t muster up some fake enthusiasm, I know it’s really bad.

  7. Yep. A big part of why I don’t blog much any more is this. I hate that feeling like I’m writing for other people, and like I’m mostly talking to myself. What happened to writing for US? Psft.

    • As you know, I have all but given up blogging over at iampisspot. Like Basia said, I hate the feeling that I am writing for other people and I often feel uncomfortable with my need for external validation. It’s a vicious circle, and one, for now, I am glad to have ducked out of.

      As for you though, my dear talented friend. Keep on blogging, because a) I fucking love your blog, and b) I fucking love your blog.

      • Nah. I don’t really write for other people anymore, but I think everyone who writes wants someone to read. Otherwise we all would just journal, or, you know…tweet 😉

        • You’re totally right.

          I have experienced this with my new blog, kind of. I just write, I’m not really bothered who reads it, as yes, it is nice when people comment, but it seems less important.

  8. As much as I tell myself that I write just for the sake of writing, it still kinda stings when the comment section is barren.

  9. A to the Lake

    External internet peep validation does feel good, no denying it. On the opposite end, sharp criticism from unknown internet denizens can still cut sharply & brutally.

  10. Yup, that’s exactly how it goes. I’m at the “post something based on poorly formulated fleeting thought out of desperation” stage. Hello? Anyone out there?

  11. I’m like this every time I hit ‘Publish’. I don’t always think they’re home runs, but every time a post goes too long unanswered, the sound of the crickets is sure to be quickly drowned out by the sound of my head hitting the desk.

  12. This was hilarious. I sometimes wonder if I should just go back to writing in a paper journal, as that is just what my blog is. But I do enjoy the feedback from the folks I’ve grown to know and love.

  13. Oh, how we suffer. As you know, I’ve basically stopped writing for the moment out of frustration. It comes down to writing for ourselves even though we want others to read it.
    Hilarious take on this whole subject, my friend. I’d say keep banging away at the computer keys and not your head.

  14. Nah. I had the Husband install one of those plugins that shamelessly suggests three other blog posts. I’m going to make you read my post dangit, no matter how many times I have to shove it in your face. Banging head on desk repeatedly.

  15. Post award: Chuckle of the Day (no requirements included)
    Don’t let me interrupt the head banging.
    All you can do is write.
    Write what you want.
    The head banging is optional.

  16. I totally hate when I have thought of something HILARIOUS then it looks stupid in Type/print. My Farmer In The Dell post was like that. You suck keps blaring in my head…or that Loser song form the 90’s. Anyway, your writing it actually worth reading. So much so that I put down my Wawa shortie and wiped the avocado of my hands so I could type a comment. 🙂

  17. I’m needy and sometimes I really need comments so if I don’t get any in like two hours, I change something like the title or I add a tag. Usually, someone will say something then. Great Post!

  18. I feel like this sometimes. And other times, I write a post and go “wow… that was kind of crap” and end up with double the comments. I don’t get it. Sometimes I weep for humanity. :p

  19. I just assume everyone is as busy as me. They’d LOVE it if they COULD see it. 😉

    no, but really, I have been so absent and feel like I lost some readers while I wasn’t able to read them? I’ve never been one to comment for recognition, so…

    and there are times I feel like a recipe is good, but… “people won’t think this is original or cool” – I like it and post anyway, and it gets all kinds of love and picked up by a magazine.

    you’d drive yourself crazy trying to figure it all out! 😀

    • Well at least it gets picked up by a magazine 😉 But in all seriousness, I don’t comment for recognition either. When I think of the blogs that I stop by and never comment at, it shuts me up when I start to wonder why people don’t comment. I prefer quality, not quantity. It’s just I wish I had a quantity of creative thoughts…or recipes 🙂

  20. How did you get in my head and read my thoughts? And I have far less readers than you and no book. Ooops….I think I just blacked out…

  21. This is SO embarrassingly true. My favorite part though, is when I write something out of desperation that’s about as intriguing as gerbil poop, and people totally respond to it, proving that I don’t know anything about anything. Writing; it’s fun for all the emotions.

  22. Cute post! I’ve pretty much stopped commenting on all blogs I read. Not really sure why other than I’d rather just read and move on with my day I guess. I feel like most of the comments say what I was going to say anyway and it would just come off as commenting for the sake of commenting without adding any value. I’m always reading though 🙂

    • I do the same thing. I like to read but don’t always have something to say, so I don’t. *shrug* This was just a general satire 😉

  23. The worst is when you write something honest and raw and heart-wrenching and there’s just that long silence. Ouch. Oh, and never save your brilliance for a weekend unless you want to spend the entire two days refreshing your stats (not that I’ve ever done that).

    • I hate that there’s a “time” when you’re supposed to post. WTH? If I have something I want to say, I’ll say it. If people want to read, they’ll read. I hate playing those games, which is probably why I might occassionally “refresh” my stats and sob into my pillow (kidding…kind of.)

  24. <Most of us have been there, done that! Hilarious is what you are! Stop with the head-banging, lest you cause brain damage which prevents your writing such gems as this!

  25. Yup. You nailed this one! And just to prove it, Imma gonna share it all over the damn place!…sigh…Can someone just hand me the fame already? The leg work is killing me!

  26. “You vow to stay humble and remember your roots!” haha, while in Mexico I made a short vid and posted it on YouTube of our direct interaction with a cute Sea Lion we lovingly called Squeaky. Leo was convinced the little montage would go viral. VIRAL! I laughed in his face and answered “Oh brother, do you ever not know the realities of internet and attention grabbing!”

    But this my little sweet OCD friend Abby – for whom is it written for? Miss I-get-20-comments-within-the-hour-blog-queen-ok-so-you’re-not-the-Bloggess-or-so-you-kindly-reminded-me-while-asking-me-what-kind-of-crack-I-was-taking whoa – where am I going with this super-duper long nickname I’m trying to give you???

    I need a break from my leaving you a comment.


  27. it doesnt help in my case to have the memory ability similar to a goldfish… by the time l open my mac, 60% of it is gone…
    or even 80% 😦

  28. Well, after all those comments you shouldn’t have a problem?
    I often get so frustrated with the blogger world, and vent it out on my blog. Then I feel bad about it and delete the whole thing. But seriously, it really sucks when you think you posted the greatest post ever and noone cares. I’m glad I’m not writing for the money.

  29. I don’t know what you’re talking about.*

    *That was a complete lie.

  30. Oh so that’s what all the head-banging-on-desk was a symptom of! I guess, I guess it means I’m a writer then. (:

  31. Love this post! It made me chuckle 🙂

  32. Love your post!
    I know about the banging the head on the desk thing.
    I’ve been thinking about writing a post and calling it: “Because nobody reads my blog anyway…” and then maybe another: “I am afraid I may be too boring to blog…”

  33. Oh, I’m with you. Except for the liquor cabinet. Mine is heavily populated. I like to be prepared for these things.

  34. I would definitely commit to keeping that vow to be humble and remember your roots–you’re going to need it b/c you’e so going huge! Though in case there would ever be a slight stumble on the way, stock up on that catnip if you’re forgoing the liquor. You’ve gotta keep something on hand to provided distractions 😉

Talk to me

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s