Spoon Me

There’s something I need to get off my chest—and that would mostly likely be a hunk of food that failed to make it into my mouth.

While I’m generally a pretty neat person, sometimes that gets lost in translation somewhere between my mind and my mouth. Actually, a lot gets lost in translation between my mind and my mouth, but let’s move on.

I do my best to avoid any spillage and eat a majority of my meals out of bowls for that very reason. Putting most things on a plate without edges acting as little barriers increases the likelihood that I will be wearing a piece of the meal.

But I do sometimes use this awesomeness my mom got me a couple of years ago.

And while most people thrive on variety—it’s the spice of life!—I’m one who is perfectly content eating the same things over and over again. In fact a majority of my meals are the same few things with an easy variation on the staples. It’s not that there’s no variety available with a vegan lifestyle—the complete opposite is true—but I know what I like.

Part of what I like is to eat certain things in a certain way.

I admit it’s a bit OCD, but it’s also something I’ve been doing since I was little and picked certain things out to eat first—I’m told I called them “beaks”— and I still do that today.

 I eat some variation on this combination every day.

When it comes to my daily hippie bowls, I always eat the veggies first, then the protein (chickpeas, for example) and then the grains. And even if I’m at home, I still use a plastic spoon for some reason that is decidedly unclear to me.

Much like the Ziploc bags I rinse and reuse, I’m pretty sure I’m common law married with a few of these spoons.

With a sandwich, I cut it diagonally and then eat the crusts before eating the smaller half first—something about saving the best part for last. The thought of picking up an uncut sandwich and eating it as is is foreign to me.

However, my avocado sandwiches are usually cut in half and then eaten open-faced with a knife and a fork in part because I’m not entirely confident I won’t end up wearing a piece of the thing if I didn’t.

Apples are always cut up for the same reason, and if I’m eating anything that has some sort of layers—like a mini-Twix or a peanut butter cup—the outside edges are eaten first, then the top, then the rest.

I have at least three cups of my tea a day in one of two cups, and it has to be drunk with a small straw. This is also to ward off spillage, but also to ward off staining my teeth with the tea (you know, in case Hollywood calls.)

But I draw the line at drinking it with my pinkie finger up. After all, a girl must have standards. 

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So spill it (pun completely intended.) Do you have any weird food things?

And if food’s not your thing a) I will never understand the kind of person that you are but b) stay tuned later this week for my annual holiday poem. ‘Tis the season!