We’ve all had those days when nothing monumentally bad happens, but yet there are a bunch of little things that simply make you want to absolutely lose your shit, so to speak.
Big picture? They’re not a big deal.
Small picture in that moment? The straw that broke the camel’s back. The last thing you need. THE BIGGEST DEAL EVER!
Let’s begin, perhaps with someone overusing CAPITAL LETTERS and exclamation points!!!
Anyway, I love my hooded sweatshirts. When it’s freezing outside and I want to pretend I’m a turtle with the option to retract myself back into my shell, the hood serves as my delusional means of escape. Plus, it’s warm.
But there are times when the string of my hoodie will mysteriously disappear into the depths of the hood itself. Sound the alarm! Call in the rescue squad! This is a traumatic turn of events, as it will then require me to somehow try and manipulate the string back to the opening through the use of tweezers and profanity.
By the time I prove myself as a hoodie hero and restore balance to my universe through the miraculous string rescue, I’m exhausted and ready to retreat back into the comfort of my cotton cocoon. I think I should start a support group.
Let’s journey down to the other end of the clothing spectrum and the socks I’ve already shamed.
If you’ve ever worn snow boots outside, you know the scenario. You come in, try and slip your boots off and move on with your life and find that your sock has been swallowed up into the depths of the boot. Of course you discover this when you pull out your foot and step down into the pile of snow that your boot has just left on the floor.
The only thing that makes this situation worse is when you go to put your sock back on and discover you have a jagged little piece of toenail that gets stuck on a string inside of the sock, creating a painful, snag-filled scenario or a new hole in the sock and your sanity.
Sigh…let’s move on.
Like most people, I enjoy a hot shower. What I don’t enjoy is turning off the water of said shower, discovering that although I’ve just spent 10 minutes in the direct stream of water I’ve neglected to rinse out my shampoo and that I also forgot to put a new towel on the rack.
The cat is no help, as you know.
Then there’s this food situation, and for me, anything that involves food is usually a highly-serious “situation” not to be messed with. There’s nothing more disappointing than cutting into an avocado and discovering that it’s a) 50 percent pit or b) bruised beyond belief. This can apply to other fruits and vegetables as well, but it will usually only happen to the one item you were REALLY looking forward to eating at that exact moment.
Put down the sharp kitchen objects and slowly back away from the counter. It’s not worth it.
And while I could add a million and 12 different technology-related items to this short list, I will narrow it down to leaving a very long and insightful/witty comment on a blog only to be confronted with a captcha. Not just any captcha, but one that completely resets the page—erasing your comment in the process—every time you fail the captcha (one that looks like an impossible Rorschach test, I might add.)
Adding insult to injury? Having to look up how to spell “captcha” in order to complain about it. At that point, it’s the straw that broke the camel’s back. The last thing you need. THE BIGGEST DEAL EVER!
Just take a deep breath and retreat into your hoodie. Everything will probably work out—except that flipping captcha.
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HA. I can totally relate to this. The sock/boot thing is my nemesis. You know what else is awful? Running out of toilet paper in the bathroom. When this happens to me, the whole day goes down the shitter. So to speak.
It sounds as if you and I had identical days. The little things add up to be bigger than any big thing could possibly be. I hope tomorrow is better for you.
Oh good lord! If this had happened all in one day, I would probably freak out. No…it’s spaced out 😉
I’m completely sympathetic. I hate strings on sweatshirts. I hate when my sock falls down into my boot – only usually I manage to pick up a sharp piece of rock salt when I put my foot down. There is nothing worse than not having a towel and not realizing you don’t have a towel until you are naked dripping wet.
But the worst for me right now? I have a sneaking suspicion I’ve been spelling Captcha minus the T. Excuse me, I have to go check this out.
You would think the 4 women I live with would NEVER run out of toilet paper….but they do, and it sucks.
I laugehd so hard throughout this.
Hoodies good, captcha bad. Very good post to get my day going.
Sadly, among others, the sock tale rang a mournfull bell with me. I’ve done that and got the damp T shirt to prove
I hate those days. They usually start with the pointer dog tormenting the Bernese dog with lots of barking and me yelling as if they are annoying small children. Then, it’s putting my one pair of boots on that suck my socks down to my ankles as I walk. And, the list goes on. It generally ends with me doing a hundred different things but feeling like I’ve gotten nothing done. Oh, and it’s going to be below zero here again on Wed. That’s enough to make me scream.
Remove the strings. You probably never use ’em anyhow. Captchas are evil. We all know. Copy any long and witty replies before hitting the button. Tomorrow shall be better.
I do actually copy my replies, to be honest. However, sometimes I forget 😉
The hoodie/string thing makes me crazy!
AHH I HATE GETTING THE BOTTOM OF MY PANTS WET! When I take off my shoes/boots, i step on the bottom of my pants and get my socks wet. Then I yell at all the inanimate objects in my apartment. Smug fucking boots.
You’re right…all those little things can really get to you. And I hate captcha!!!!
The rotten avacado is the worst. Unless, the captcha is worse, although I would argue the constant viagra adds I get captcha-less are really the worst.
Capchas are what make me cringe commenting on Blogspot blogs. Mexican internet loves to swallow comments and… gha, I just simply could not agree with you more on that one.
My torn nail keeps threatening to ruin my entire trip by the way. Oh yeah. The little things are monsters created by gremlins laughing at us while they eat popcorn leaving the annoying little corn thing tucked in our teeth at night where floss never finds them. You know what I’m talking about…
I do! You can brush 132 times and STILL find a kernel in there.
When I buy a new hoodie I pull out the hood string immediately because it retracting back in to the sweatshirt annoys me so. I learned I rarely cinch up the hood so I don’t need the string.
I just opened some avocadoes last week that were all pit. I wanted to throw them at someone.
I say you take aim and throw. Make the pits worth your while.
Haha, I’m with you on the boot/sock thing. Except it happened to me today WHILE WALKING TO WORK in a foot of fresh, unplowed snow and freezing rain. I had to stop three times to take off the boot and rescue the sock…in the middle of the sidewalk. I will add to your list of “over the edge” moments: When you get to the bathroom, do your business, THEN realize there is no TP. I literally broke down crying once, after a long day of such little moments. It was the final straw.
Yes! I hate when you can feel that your sock has completely slipped off while you’re walking. Not fun.
Re: string, don’t despair; we have YouTube. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXEWvLIBnpI). And yes, captchas are terrible. One day we shall overthrow them.
To make future hoodie string retrieval easier, attach a safety pin to each end. You will always be able to feel the pin and thread it back in its proper place. Captcha? I got nothing. Hate it as well and haven’t found a reasonable solution other than to create one of those Whitehouse petitions to have them banned. Sounds like something the Pres would waste his time on.
* I am totally guilty of abusing CAPS LOCK and exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!
* I HATE when the drawstring of my hood gets all lost inside too. So annoying.
* I laughed out loud because I know exactly how upsetting it is to step in the snow on the floor of your house, barefoot, because your boot swallowed your sock!
* As for the inedible fruit – OF COURSE it’s the one you REALLY wanted!!!
[See, totally guilty abusing CAPS LOCK and exclamation points]
* Oh my god. Captcha drives me NUTS. I learned a long time ago to always copy my comment before hitting publish, just in case it erases everything I typed.
I haaaate the captcha thing. I usually flounce away from the blog in question in a huff.
I especially hate when I set myself up for future rage by noticing that a hoodie or pant string is uneven and thinking “I need to take care of that” before NOT doing anything about it and throwing it in the hamper. Once it comes out of the washing machine it’s all to late and I curse past-me.
I will be giggling about this for days. You and I have so many of the same neuroses! And I totally turtle in my hoodie too. Okay that sounded… wrong.
I think that should be entered in Urban Dictionary 😉