Everyone blogs for different reasons, but like anything else there are certain stereotypes that exist. While they most certainly don’t hold true for everyone, there’s a reason the stereotype developed—because it’s true in one way or another.
So without further ado, I present my list of stereotypical bloggers.
Forget Bigfoot. The most elusive creature on the planet is a mommy blogger who never mentions wine—needing wine, drinking wine, cooking with wine so they can drink and eat the wine, etc.
They’ll tell you they’re doing all this drinking in sweatpants and dirty shirts because they haven’t had time to shower in three days. However, they have the time to take a picture of their dirty house/adorable children that make them lose their mind, blog about not having time to shower and then promote their daily blog post—which is usually some sort of infographic— on Twitter/Facebook 212 times a day.
They also run in a pack mentality, so beware. Do not incite the Mommy Blogger or say anything as I just did above. They will attack. Then drink wine.
The Apologetic Blogger
About 75 percent of this blogger’s posts involve him or her apologizing for not posting more often. At one point this blogger probably posted more frequently before life suddenly got in the way and blogging fell by the wayside.
Note: While readers might have been concerned, the world went on without your posts. No apologies for living your life.
Posts from these culinary paparazzi will start out with something like, “THIS just happened” or “Look what I made you!” followed by a picture of something they didn’t eat because it took them 57 tries to perfect the shot before plastering text of the recipe name over the image so people can “pin” it.
You might go there for a recipe, but you will end up with a 500-word backstory about the creation of the “best thing EVER” and 12 pictures of the dish in various stages of spilling before getting to the ingredients and reader comments about how they’re “drooling” and/or “licking the screen” and “trying to stab the picture with a fork.”
This self-proclaimed guru will tell you how to succeed at blogging and social media despite any credible research, credentials or data to support their theories other than spending 10 hours a day online. They often sound like a used car salesman with SEO keywords and links back to other “expert” social media bloggers.
Don’t forget to tweet, Facebook and share all their posts.
A visit to this blog cannot be random/infrequent and still make sense, as they most often post pieces of whatever fiction they’re working on at the time. It’s like opening up a book to a random chapter and expecting things to make sense.
Thoughtful and endlessly tortured, these bloggers are always writing the Next Great American Novel and searching for “concrit,” or constructive criticism. They join various writing groups of people who are also writing the Next Great American Novel and together in gangs they will often solicit your vote for whatever contest they’re entering to help them become the author of the Next Great American Novel.
Health and Fitness Bloggers
Even though health and fitness are the focus of the blog, it often seems like a cult. They have their own language that includes things like “WOD” (Workout of the Day) and “WIAW” (What I Ate Wednesday) and seem to sustain their energy for hours of strenuous exercise through protein pancakes, odd Greek yogurt concoctions (sent to them by sponsors) and “healthy” versions of things that in no way resemble the “thing.”
Note: You did not make “healthy” chicken nuggets out of rice. You made rice in the shape of a nugget.
They’re called “motivational” in the comments and prove it by posting endless inspirational posters and self-portraits and ending every conversation with a hashtag #fitfanatic #paleoprincess
Easily distracted by shiny things, these neurotic bloggers excel in shorter formats like Twitter and Facebook where one-liners are easier to form than whole blog posts. However, they still blog to a) make people laugh and b) mask their disappointment and insecurity over never getting “discovered” or picked to co-write an episode of “30 Rock” with Tina Fey.
They’re frustrated, but they laugh to keep from crying. And a lot of them were probably dropped on their head as a kid. There can be no other good explanation.
*Now remember that there are dozens of funny, rational moms who blog and talented food bloggers, for example. We’re generalizing here, people.
Except with the humor bloggers.
That part is mostly all true.
Like the blog? Buy the book.
You for got one, the therapeutic blogger!
This is hilarious and although it will offend the masses it’s so true.
It’s all tongue-in-cheek. 😉
seriously, I try so hard NOT to be any of those bloggers, but Alas I see that I might be 2 or 3…or JESUS Abby, I need a drink, but I don’t drink WINE..ever. (I can’t because of my migraines and my drug of choice is Diet Coke, but shhhhh don’t tell the food or workout blogs *wink* )
Kir, you are you and that’s more than enough 😉
Well, at least I made a group. Thanks for putting up with me. Hope the wino mommy bloggers don’t pitchfork their way over and rip you to pieces, metaphorically.
I named no names. If bloggers see themselves in a description, that’s not my fault! 😉
oh, in that case…I’m above it all *wink*
I like to think of myself as an eclectic blogger. One never knows what they’re going to get when they visit as I never know what is going the inspire me on any particular day, and I like it that way. But then, I never had any particular goals when I started my blog other than to write. It seems to be working out okay.
Yup. I’m with you.
I love this! I hate being considered a ‘mommy blogger’. Now I can say I’m eclectic, seeing I’m a mom who does not drink, has a clean house, puts on make up, spews random shit onto the Internet and people actually enjoy it.
I left a comment, and your humor blog..ATE IT 😉 XO
Absolutely hilarious and spot-on. I, unfortunately, fall into several of those categories, but you gotta be able to laugh at yourself – or else the world would just suck and I’d be a snobby bitch (well, that last part is kinda true anyway).
1) You are not a snobby bitch and 2) I would say “fortunately” you fall into some categories. There’s nothing wrong with any blogger, right? To each their own, I say! 🙂
I would add my pet peeve, pet blogger. And another one that enrages me, the rage blogger. Who’s always pissed at someone or something and takes it out on the reader.
You mean how LIFE IS SO UNFAIR TO ONLY THEM AND EVERYONE NEEDS TO KNOW THAT!!! I have no idea what you mean.
LOVE THIS. I always say stereotypes exist for a reason. And these are so true.
if my blog becomes a mommy blog, I need you to come get me from the dark side. (Or bring me back from the dark side? From one dark side to another?) I don’t really care about wine, so I should be good.
I promise. If I make it that long…
I DO eat my food, but… “THIS just happened” happens at my house all the time 😉 and when someone says they want to lick the screen of one of my photos… um no. all I can think of is dust and static.
That would be why you need to start a delivery service.
I’m wondering where I fit in now. Perhaps I don’t…… Oh God, that’s what the problem is. I never realised
No! Never change, my ducky friend. Never change.
I’m trying to be in the humor category. I may or may not have been dropped on my head. Did I mention my mother used to plop me in the highchair with a coloring book and crayons so her and dad could slip away for a few minutes? There was no seatbelt on that high chair.
Ha! I don’t really want that mental image, but I think it’s fair to say that you have a reason as to your keen sense of humor…and multiple siblings. 😉
I’m still scared of the Mommybloggers, especially after they raged at you with their pitchforks and empty wine bottles.
I love these, although I’m not sure which stereotype I’d fall under.
Don’t forget, Mommy Bloggers **hate** to be referred to as Mommy Bloggers. It belittles all the carefully constructed belittling we do of ourselves. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I just spilled wine on my dirty yoga pants while I was frantically tweeting to my humorous mommy blogger pack members to get over here. Mommies, mount up!
Obviously kidding. I love you, and I’m totally guilty of everything you mentioned. Being a stereotype is just one of the many, many reasons I suck, which is what causes me to drink. And blog.
Please. You are hilarious and I’m not just saying that because I fear the wrath of your legion of ladies. Moms can blog without being “Mommy Bloggers”…I think. And if I only had kids, a love for wine, blog sponsors and the tech skills to create posters and infographics, I would totally be a Mommy Blogger myself. See? We’re not all that different.
this was so good I almost licked my screen.
I started blogging for one reason. Switched to another, then switched again. Right now I’m mostly a writer blogger who throws in some “reality” posts but also have a separate cooking blog so I guess I’m a schizophrenic blogger. You blog is by far the best humor blog I read. Thanks for always making me smile, laugh or choke on my coffee. 😉
I love the thought of being a schizophrenic blogger (and I mean that in the most respectful way possible.) I am the same way. Sometimes I try and be funny and sometimes I try to be insightful. Lately my insight sucks and I’ve been in a funk, so instead I’m just making fun of other people.
Works for me since you have me snickering. Nothing like a little mockery to get the blog traffic up.
The wife calls herself a “Food Satire Blogger”. I try to use my vast linguistic prowess to parse that strange phrase to understand it, fail… and never know if she’s serious when she says it. Maybe she just misspells Smartass.
The phrase “vast linguistic prowess to parse that strange phrase” should qualify you as an intellectual powerhouse, as that sounds really super fancy.
Wow. You join the list of women in my life who misspell Smartass. 😉
You’ve got this humor blogger pegged. Stop telling the world our secrets. By the way, ” You did not make “healthy” chicken nuggets out of rice. You made rice in the shape of a nugget.” became my favorite sentence I’ve read to today. I heart you and this post.
And I heart you. Also, you get a special award of awesomeness because you love beer. I don’t like beer either, but my mom does, and I like my mom.
If I fit into more than one category do I get to be offended twice?
ok, do me! which one am i? is there a wino blogger?
If I fit into more than one category do I get to be offended twice… that would give me something to write about…
Sure! The more, the merrier!
I love this, and it’ll probably piss off every blogger I know, but I’m sharing anyway 🙂
Ha! I’m scared of mommy bloggers. I treat them much like I treat my friends when they go from fun bitches to moms. I back away slowly, and hope they don’t notice my absence.
I’m such a bitch.
I have in the past or still do fit into several of these stereotypes. I’d say I’m the narcissistic blogger who tries to deflect from her inflated sense of self with the overuse of badly applied self deprecating humor while drinking and eating way too much and then bragging about it while simultaneously whining that I should eat and drink less.
Actually, that’s why I love you. Don’t change!
My goal is now to combine all of these genres and start a blog of fictional, self-deprecatingly hilarious posts about how to increase your Klout and SEO filled with 500 pictures of me in various stages of spilling wine on my children while apologizing for working out too much and cooking paleo. I really think it could be The Next Great American Novel. Or at least will incite people to comment, “OMG I’m totally trying to stab the screen with a fork.” Or a butterfly knife.
I love this comment so much. Not enough to “squee” or anything, but big huge gold star to you!
Not even one little tiny “squee”? I’d settle for a “squ” and an offer to lick the screen…
I never fit in. I’m going to start taking pictures of the dinners I make, though, so people can feel better about themselves. I want to do my part for humanity.
Nah. You do your part by NOT posting pictures of dinner.
According to this, I need to rethink my niche. All this time I thought I was a humor blogger, but I don’t recall ever wanting to write for a sitcom, I suck at Facebooking & am “Meh” at Twitter. Also, unless my parents have been holding out on me, I’m pretty sure I wasn’t dropped at any point during my infancy.
Actually… I don’t fall into any of these categories. WHAT AM IIIII???
I’ve never wanted to write for a sitcom either. SportsCenter? Possibly. I just want to be Tina Fey’s friend. I NEED A FRIEND!
Now that I think about it, the last real live “friend” I had was about 15 years ago. No wonder I tell jokes all the time.
Thought I was going to make it safely through this and then BAM! THE LAST ONE! Well, at least I think so, there was a mylar baloon outside of my window and…. SQUIRREL!
I love you, in a non-creepy…SNOWFLAKE!
Can you tell me what a “Lifestyle” blogger is. I’ve heard this used at blogging conferences and I wondered what it meant. I like to assume it means nudism or partner swapping.
Good question. I have no idea, but I imagine it includes IKEA and pillow shams, two things I know nothing about (well, two more things added to that list.)
Oh, crap! I’m an apologetic blogger. I’m sorry! 😉
Ahh, you missed my entire genre, ART bloggers. We post crappy pictures of crappier art and apologize profusely for both while secretly praying to the gods that someone likes us. We also join multiple challenges for every day of the week hoping someone sees our crappy artwork and acknowledges us for the Piccasso we think we are. Oh, and don’t forget, we spend every extra cent on art supplies to make said crappy art. ;o)
I AM disappointed that Tina Fey never sought me out for co-writing. Unless I’m not technically a humor blogger. Then I don’t know what I’m disappointed about. Something, though. And how.
We should start a Tina support group.
I am DYING laughing. DYING.
You totally nailed these blogger stereotypes.
Absolutely brilliant. And hilarious.
This was awesome! You nailed it on the head. I try my hardest not to be ANY of these, although I’m sure I do slip in some of the unpleasant traits here and there!
We all do. That’s why we blog. 🙂
I read this entire post on pins & needles, waiting until you got to the “20-something Blogger” who writes about transitional crap, not having a “grasp” on important things like careers and pant suits and being a “grown up”, and who talks about “turning 30” like it’s actually going to change something! …But since that didn’t happen, I’ll assume I’m the “humor” kind. Now I’m all insecure about not being funny enough. Does that happen when I turn 30?
No, because I still have no idea how to be an adult, get a job I adore, make a difference in the world, buy big girl clothes or anything to do with relationships or friends. I guess I’m a hermit blogger?
I blog for ME! And I never know what I’m going to write–& sometimes I’m not sure even after I post!!
Now that you mention it, I was actually dropped on my head as a child. Hmmm.
Yikes! I could fall into more than one of those categories!
That bit about the healthy chicken nuggets made me cackle. Sooo true.
I wonder which one I am.
You totally defy explanation.
Ha. That’s nice of you.
You nailed it. Hilarious
I’m pretty sure I was dropped on my head and I don’t drink wine, so I’m gonna go with that last one — just add vibrators for mine, mmk?
So… you’re the humor blogger right? And yet again I do not know where I should go. I’m not a mommy thank god because that would make me a very frightening creature, I do write fiction, I never apologize for my lack of frequency because let’s not shit ourselves – I know nobody would care just like the unheard tree falling in the forest, not a foodie or a fitness or any guru of any kind (unless being a guru of not knowing anything in particular counts then count me in) and well… where was I oh yeah, the humor bloggers. My tweets are rare since I really don’t bother to come up with witty stuff in so few characters and my Facebook status’ are not usually funny… I’m a nothing blogger, no category, no title, no niche *sigh* Nobody knows the trouble I’ve blah blah blah
You are ridiculous and NOT a nothing blogger. I have no clue what the heck I am either, which just means you can be anything, right? You’re an adventure/fiction blogger in my book. Your life is better than fiction, for that matter! 🙂
I love you honey bunny 😉
I feel lost and don’t know where I fit.
I think that’s a good thing.
gaah.. i just spit out my coffee.. i am so the food blogger :DD ..
But you’re a GREAT food blogger 😉
Awesome! I’m so glad you posted this. Very funny and all true. You rock.
I’m going to stick my flag in Humor Blogger and claim it.
So funny, so true and felt like you were leaning into me whispering, like the delicious days of being 15 years old, when all good whispers started out with “So, there’s this girl…”
I love you.
Yes! I am a REAL fiction blogger. I have totally gone vote whoring, and there are absolutely times when nonserial readers are lost on my blog. What? I’m not SUPPOSED to brag about that shit? Fine fine fine… Fun post 🙂 (Also, I do TOTALLY fall into the stereotype)
Nothing wrong with that! Brag about your shit, woman! 😉
I don’t think I fall into ANY of these categories. Or maybe I fall into several of them? I feel an identity crisis coming on.
I’m a fiction blogger! I adore it!
I serve up a seasonal recipe of Travel Blogger spiced with Humor Blogger, and occasional Do It Yourself Project Blogger a la carte. It’s zesty.
You crack me up Abby – really enjoyed reading this!
Thanks for stopping by!
OMG the Mommy Bloggers part killed me. You know me and my child-free beliefs, so I just loved that.