Be Mine

I would be remiss if I didn’t at least mention Valentine’s Day—that holiday in between Christmas and Mother’s Day that card and flower companies use to guilt people into spending more money in an effort to show that they care.

I know. I’m a hopeless romantic.

But to be honest, even though I’m single and not willing to mingle, I really don’t mind Valentine’s Day. I like the decorations, the fact that I have a reason to bake and the image of a meddlesome cherub flying around armed with a weapon.

So to celebrate the holiday this year, I’ve decided to forgo sending myself a heartfelt card and instead explore a few viable Valentine options. (Food and drink suitors were excluded, as those are obviously tops on my list.)

My Shovel

We have been spending a great deal of intimate time together these past couple of months. It hasn’t been easy, but I have to admit that the shovel’s icy demeanor is oddly compatible to my own. Together we have made the neighbors jealous with our quick and thorough removal of things in our way—mostly large amounts of snow—which left me feeling slightly superior and a little bit cold.


Okay. Mostly cold.

And while I get the feeling that as soon as things heat up it’ll be gone, I’m okay with the seasonal nature of our relationship. I like my space…and being warm.

My Couch

If by “afternoon delight” you mean coming home after work, watching “Ellen,” plodding away on the computer and then eating, we have a serious thing going and have for some time.

Our love is nothing new — my couch gets me, it really gets me. While it took me a long to let myself literally settle down and relax, I now find comfort—and often a stray piece of broccoli — in the confines of the cushions.


We were introduced this past Christmas by my mom, and given my love for smelly things and not being left in the dark, this combination nightlight/air freshener is basically all that is proper and good in this world. Never fussy, never needy, a simple flip of the switch radiates both light and light scents. I have to admit that I’m smitten.

Uncle June

This cranky bastard is still hanging around, and while he’s a good backup plan and travel companion, the drunk dials at 2am have seriously got to stop.


However, I just can’t deny that creepy little face and the fact that he speaks not a word.

This Blog

We fall in and out of love, usually on a day-to-day basis. At times I feel like I don’t know what I would do without it, while other times I feel like it’s that pain-in-the-ass friend you have to constantly reassure isn’t a huge loser who nobody loves (and that no, their ass doesn’t look big in those pants.)

Our relationship has spanned years of good times and bad and evolved into something I never thought it would—a book, priceless connections, a reason to overshare and broadcast insecure rambles to strangers on the Internet.

But I suppose that’s just how love is—a wonderfully messy mix of delight, frustration and Internet stalking.

I know. I’m a hopeless romantic.

*This post was not sponsored by Scentsy. However, Uncle June slipped me $20 to mention him.

Like the blog? Buy the book.

Who is your Valentine this year?

30 responses to “Be Mine

  1. I personally love your blog! Keep on trucking!

  2. I’m excited for you regarding a possible romance with your shovel. Ok, he may lack polish and score low on barside smoothie skills, but I think he will more than make up for it with it good old fashioned reliability and fitness.

  3. I got one of those scentsy warmer/light things for xmas and I freaking love it. It even puts little heart shaped shadows on the wall! Swoon.

  4. I love the Scentsy too..although I went back to wallflowers from Bath & Body works, mostly because I have 2 5 yr olds in the house. Enough said? I also have a whole wall in my bedroom that I cannot get the wax off because they bumped said Scentsy and made a HOT MESS 😉

    I have a love affair with my bed, my TV…and if they leave me I’ll be heartbroken. I get that kind of pain.

    Be My valentine??? 🙂 Just offerin.


    • I have to be very careful where I plug it in because of the cat, but I have one fool-proof place (not Abby-proof, but I’m trying to be careful.) I can see quite the dilemma with your boys! And I accept your offer. Done!

      • I’ll be the best Valentine EVAH!
        xo 🙂

        thanks for always writing from your heart, for always reminding me that I’m not alone on the grey truly helps!

  5. Ah, such a joy, the couch. No need to talk – comfortable with silence. Always willing and able to provide support. Perfection. Sigh.

  6. I must confess, that I’m utterly in love with you! I don’t remember how I found your blog, in fact, I generally don’t like other people’s blogs. But, you and I could be so good together. Shhhhhhh… I do have a husband and 4
    kids. Would you be offended if we kept this our dirty little secret? xoxo~Marie

  7. oh, that Uncle June. and the snow, my God the snow!!

    if I had to choose some inanimate suitors I spend a good deal of time with?

    my juicer. because, well, it’s the second thing I have a conversation with each and every morning (the first? the pups).

    my treadmill and “The Jack and Karen Show” reruns. because.

    my bathtub. our last house had a tub, but it was a shower/tub with the “wall” of doors, you know? you cannot sit in those things without feeling like you are in a tall skinny box. our new house has an incredible tub, and I am in it often. just lovely.

  8. I think we were separated at birth.

  9. I love this post – Uncle June seems like he might be trying to hard … tell him you’re considering an upgrade 🙂

  10. I’m not a fan of Valentine’s day. Never have been. I mean really – you aren’t supposed to put pink and red together – it’s just wrong.

  11. My affair would be with my recliner and chocolate. There; I admitted it!

  12. tomuseornottomuse

    Ah, the couch. While on the surface it appeared we were meant to be, all the shifting, readjusting and lack of fluff in our relationship forced me too look elsewhere. The bed and I are much better together, and once we get the TV all turned on, it’s the perfect 3-way =)

  13. Happy Valentine’s Day, Abby! : )

  14. Wonderful non-Valentine post! Love it. Now that your secret love (for the shovel) is no secret any more, I see you’re shouting it from the highest hill. Are you even telling the golden daffodils? 🙂

    (Yep, I’m back from the deep pit; battered, bruised and now able to construct sentences. Yea! Will send you an email soon.)

  15. If I could make out with my coffee machine, I would. When I go to bed, I often can’t sleep because I’m so excited about making a coffee with it the next morning.

    There, I admitted it.

    Can we still be friends?

  16. Uncle June is such a publicity whore.

  17. First, what a charming, cozy home you have. I think all your relationships are absolutely perfect. Very much like my own preferences. I’m grabbing your button, my friend, so I don’t miss out on anything over here where I can always count on a great read.

  18. Did you, by chance, receive the press release that’s been going around about the new social networking site that lets you inform your past lovers of your past and current STD status? That’s all I want for VDay. LO and I don’t celebrate. I’d choose paczek day over valentine’s day…any day.

  19. “I feel like it’s that pain-in-the-ass friend you have to constantly reassure isn’t a huge loser who nobody loves (and that no, their ass doesn’t look big in those pants.)”
    It was completely unnecessary to refer to me at the end of your post like this but I do appreciate it. Ha, ha! You know how we love to go back and forth on this at least once a month. Which reminds me, we haven’t had a good vent session in a while.

  20. “Even though I’m single and not willing to mingle, I really don’t mind Valentine’s Day.”

    I’m in the same boat. I think the only reason I love Valentines Day is because it’s my parents wedding anniversary.

    Also, this post really made me laugh. Thank you for that!

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