Live and Learn

Not to stereotype, but the Internet is full of people who proclaim to be experts on everything from parenting and cooking to pictures of animals wearing clothes (thank god for that last group though, right?)

I am no expert on anything other than how not to do various activities, but I have still learned a few things in my 31 years. So while I don’t always follow my own advice—or remember everything that I say—I’m sharing a few things below.

And if you make it through my list, I demand—demand, I say!—that you add a couple things you “know” in the comments as well. Why? If I’ve learned anything, it’s that you people are funnier, smarter and saner than me.

That’s one thing I’ll never forget.

Life Lessons—So Far

1. The universe owes you nothing. You owe it to yourself to make things work.
2. You can get through anything if don’t look too far past today.
3. Righty tighty, lefty loosey.
4. You don’t have to win—or participate in—every argument.
5. It’s far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without you having to tell them.
6. There are those who dust and then vacuum and those who vacuum and then dust. The latter group is wrong, by the way.
7. Work is work. Most people don’t love their job, but most people also need money.
8. Time spent doing what you like is never time wasted.
9. Hurt people hurt people. Often those who are the hardest to love are the ones who need it the most.
10. The best way to make yourself feel better about having to wait in a long line is to look at the people behind you.
11. Teeth are jewels, not tools.
12. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.
13. You learn by doing, even—or especially—if that means doing something wrong.
14. For every action, there is an equal and opposite overreaction.
15. There is no baseline for normal. Once you realize this, it takes the pressure off.
16. What you do every day is more important than what you do once in a while.
17. Share.
18. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.
19. Non-stick pans and self-cleaning ovens? Lies, nothing but lies.
20. Everyone has a story. Not everyone has plans and not excuses.
21. A writer writes. A painter paints. Action trumps intention.
22. The best sign of a healthy relationship is that there’s no sign of it on Facebook.
23. People think their way out of doing everything that’s worth doing in life.
24. Read. Books.
25. Sometimes life does give you more than you can handle. Never be ashamed to ask for help.
26. Don’t pull the tail of a goat or scratch the top of a buffalo’s head.
27. Envy is a waste of time. Be better, not bitter.
28. If you have more than one junk drawer, you have too much junk.
29. Take your time.
30. Everything can change in the blink of an eye.
31. If a car is held together with masking tape and plastic wrap, always let them merge. They obviously have nothing to lose.
32. Drop the ego. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. No. 32 is really hard.
34. Busyness does not equate with productivity.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
36. People rarely RSVP to pity parties.
37. Thinking, “Could I make a bigger mess?” is basically just issuing a challenge to yourself.
38. No matter how lonely you might feel, there is always someone who can relate to you.
39. Never judge a book by its movie.
40. If you mean it, say “I love you.” Say it often.
41. You can—and will—always be humbled by something or someone. This is a good thing.
42. Overprepare and then go with the flow.
43. When in doubt, just take the next small step—even if you’re clumsy.
44. Old people are wise beyond our years.
45. Sundays are for washing floors and clothes, not for washing hair.
46. If you don’t ask, you don’t get.
47. “Believe nothing, no matter where you read it or who has said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.” –Buddha
48. I hate ending things on an odd number, so this is the last one is basically filler.

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P.S. I have been nominated as one of the Top 25 Humor Blogs over at SkinnyScoop. While I’m not sure what that means, I would be most appreciative if you could to click over, scroll down to my blog icon (the second one under When Pigs Fly) and click “like.”

But don’t do that before you add your own Life Lessons here.

Remember No. 17.