A Letter to My New Yoga Pants

I understand you had higher hopes for where you’d end up, maybe some fashion-forward type with a perky butt that would fill you out better than I can and wear you only once every few weeks while “slumming” and sipping wine on a veranda.

However, the simple fact is that I chose you to come into my life and join a rotation of about three other pair of these pants. You play the hand you’re dealt.

I need to make clear up front that even though I will wear you when occasionally doing yoga, I’m aware you’re not technically yoga pants—you’re workout pants. I don’t pretend that you’re a $100 purchase from Lululemon that I’ll never buy when you’re actually a $12 purchase from Target, but seeing as I don’t sip wine and eat sushi on a veranda, please allow me to sound fancy when referencing you.

I also need to make it clear that for me, you aren’t just weekend wear or something to lounge in. You will become a highly valued member of my family. Because you’re new, you will be considered my “good yoga pants” and will be worn to the gym, the store, etc.—in other words, you will be a public figure of sorts. 

That means I’m going to need to rely on you day in and day out until I feel others get suspicious and I throw you in the wash.

This cycle will continue until you literally wear out your welcome, like the others who have journeyed before you. When that time comes, be secure in the knowledge I will keep you around as my “home” yoga pants, which is a pretty much like retirement in the Florida Keys for you.

Public appearances will be replaced with home workouts and actual yoga sessions, but your primary function is comfort. Every day when I get home from work, you are expected to be standing guard at the ready, next to the sports bra and T-shirt that complete my fashionista trifecta.

There will be challenges—cat hair, spilled food, quick sprints outside to try and move the recycle bin out to the curb on the days I remember—but when all is said and done, you will know that it’s you and you alone who provide me with a sense of relief and relaxation from “real” pants that just don’t get me.

So welcome to the rotation, my friend.

I look forward to breaking you in.

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40 responses to “A Letter to My New Yoga Pants

  1. I love getting a new/”good” pair of yoga pants – always to be kept separate from the older ones, lest they be accidentally worn for a lazy day (or three) at home, leaving only the retirees clean and available when I need to run to the store.

  2. Thank you. Thank you for saying what had to be said.

    I’d like to give out a shout-out to the “home yoga pants” I tried to run in the other day because I forgot the “work out yoga pants” at home. They tried so hard, but have lost most of their elasticity. It’s not their fault they couldn’t stand up to the pressure. They are old and tired and meant for napping.

    • Exactly. Sometimes I’m on my way to the gym and have a little moment of panic thinking I forget to change into the gym pants from the home pants. They all have their roles, you know.

  3. Read today about the woman who invented Spanx. It all started because she couldn’t believe no one had invented FEETLESS NYLONS. I guess she had to make them so tight to keep from rolling up she accidentally made people skinnier. NOW SHE IS A BILLIONAIRE. So think carefull about your yoga pants. How could you improve them? How could they make you RICH?

    • I’ve already decided they need to be like one giant lint roller that can peel of in layers. Care to join me with marketing and go in halfsies?

  4. This is exactly how I feel about my PJ’s. Except for the public appearance part.

  5. Oh, the heavy responsibility facing new yoga pants.

  6. I just posted on facebook yesterday about my son saying (in public of course) “Mommy you wore those clothes yesterday” and the fact that I replied “no honey, these are different yoga pants.” I’m very classy like that.

  7. ah, yoga pants. I have several, and they have their own roles – outside the house (running errands, grocery shopping), gym (the second level), home only (getting older…), pajama (I have to constantly pull them up). Level 3 and 4 are sometimes interchangeable, but only when Jason is out of town.

    the thing is? I have two favorite brands of yoga pants, all in blacks and greys. so it looks like I’m wearing the same pair each day.

    oh, and as Amy said up there? about Sara Blakeley, the SPANX founder? yes, that is indeed how the idea for SPANX was born, and the most maddening thing??!!? YEARS AGO when I was working at Saks Fifth Avenue and had to wear suits every day, I USED TO DO THAT. … waaaaaay before Sara Blakeley did. *sigh*

    • All of mine are black, which might add to public confusion. And I’ve read that about the SPANX lady as well, although I’ve never worn a SPANX in my life. Sigh…

  8. I am impressed that you do Yoga at all, never mind the pants. Having said that, I know what you mean about new items of clothing which survive the first burst of publicity after purchase. The morph into old friends and trusted members of the wardrobe club. Some of my older clothes now rank among my most trusted companions

  9. When I had my accident, I ripped a hole in my favourite pair of Lululemon pants. This is embarrassing to admit, but I cried like a baby! I didn’t know whether I was crying at the loss of my favourite pair of pants (which they don’t make anymore!) or because that was £100 (yep, they’re even more expensive here!) down the drain. I live in my yoga pants all day long, so I obviously have an unhealthy attachment to them.

  10. I will admit that I have Lululemon pants. I do love them, especially for Pilates. I wear them running and just working out. I try to refrain from wearing them other times since they’re tights and I don’t want to inflict me in tights on the general masses if possible.

  11. Brill! Talking to inanimate objects is my favorite.

  12. Yoga pants for the win!

    If I am not in the office, I pretty much live in workout pants.

    In fact, one of my main motivations for ditching the 9-5 game is that I can wear workout pants all day, everyday.

  13. yoga pants are all my teenaged daughter wears. seriously. Np jeans,. no shorts, just yoga pants. I call them “yogurt pants” to torment her.

    hilarious stuff, Tiger Abby

  14. Sitting here (in yoga pants) and laughing my ass off.

  15. In a perfect world, yoga pants would have been invented first and mankind wouldn’t have bothered trying any other kind of pant afterward.

  16. How I decide when it’s time to do laundry: “Wait, I don’t have any clean yoga pants to wear?” God forbid I wear “real clothes” anymore.

  17. I feel this way about my capri workout pants. I welcome each new pair by conferring upon them most favored nation status. Yoga pants have 2 problems for me. The first is they don’t hit me in the right spot at the waist, creating a bagel top vice a muffin top. The second, which is perhaps the most important point, is that floor length black pants help create a Pig Pen-like cloud of dust that trails me throughout the house. Except in my case, with 3 cats, it’s a cloud of cat hair. It starts out looking like I have fur cuffs on my pants and then it creeps higher to create the overall Yeti look. I rate “good pants” by which pair will take the least amount of time to de-fur prior to my sauntering forth to greet the public.

  18. I recently discovered bootcut “yoga” pants and bought a few pair. First I was just happy that the S/M fit and don’t make me look ridiculous, and then I realized how I could lounge and SLEEP in them, making them more High Class than PJ pants. I could be FANCY while sleeping (SCORE!).
    the thing is that normally I wouldn’t be caught dead out the house in pants like that, but I’ve found that with the right shoes and a slight air or superiority I can get away with it. (plus they are black and navy making them better than having JUICY on my ass…LOL)

    as an aside, dealing with depression has been much better in my black yoga pants. 😉 xo

  19. “Because you’re new, you will be considered my “good yoga pants” and will be worn to the gym, the store, etc.—in other words, you will be a public figure of sorts.”

    BAhahHAhHAhHAhHAhaHH! Oh, Abby! You crack me up!!

  20. You are too funny. I’m going to pass this message along to my yoga pants. The only thing different is when I get home, I throw off the bra and skip the sports bra entirely. Yep, free balling it is how I roll.

  21. Hilarious! Best story about yoga pants ever!!!

    I love yoga pants. I am trying to figure out how to work them into a suit for work.

  22. Best line: “you will be considered my “good yoga pants.” Ah, the relationship a woman has w/ her yoga pants.

  23. So true, so true, so true! I got a new pair for Christmas and then promptly misplaced them. I just had throw out what I thought was the brand new pair due to a nasty hole, and I was highly unimpressed with their quality. No one throws out yoga pants in less than 6 months. Then I found the new pair mixed with my riding clothes. I can’t tell you the joy that filled me when I took out those not yet faded, no holes in sight pants!!!

    My favorite part is that when they are retired to home pants, it’s like the Florida Keys!

  24. I accidentally threw on my “good” leggings to sleep in last night. Devastation.

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