Spring Word Search

This isn’t a “real” post.

Well, technically it is considering that I wrote words and published it here, but the “real” post will come on Tuesday, so be prepared for mild amusement and/or disappointment and the winner of my giveaway.

Yes, the giveaway!

The real reason for this post that isn’t really a post is to remind you to 1) read my last post 2) humor me by possibly buying the book and 3) leave a comment so you can be entered to win the Amazon gift card.

With your “to-do” clearly established, I will also add that I wrote this post that isn’t really a post is to 4) thank everyone who HAS read, shared and commented on my last post and 5) welcome all the new followers as a result of those shares and a magical alignment of the stars.

Because I’m saving a “real” post for Tuesday—good lord, I better make sure I have a post done by Tuesday—I thought today would be a good time to do another “Word Search” post.

For the uninitiated, I get some very random and often humorous search terms that lead to my blog. Sometimes I can tell what post led them here, but sometimes I’m confused and a little bit disturbed.

For example, I’m not sure what it means that “emotional constipation” has shown up on the list more than once, but I don’t feel like that’s very favorable for me. Actually, it’s not very favorable for whoever is Googling “emotional constipation.” They really should start up a blog.

Anyway, I present the latest Word Search installment (with my notes in parenthesis.)

  • I’ve got on my big girl panties, bitch bra and shitkicker boots
  • I wish it were socially acceptable to hibernate (whoever Googled this—we should be friends)
  • Fine, whatever. I’ll just date myself.
  • I love stickers and raccoons hunting with pellet guns (who doesn’t?)
  • Peegret—when you wish you would have gone to the bathroom before you left
  • I have to be naked when I drive
  • Banana clips or Polish babushkas? (Forget the meaning of life. This is the important stuff, people.)
  • Woman cites “He hit ‘reply all’” as reason for insanity. Judge accepts plea.
  • Vanilla Ice in a thong
  • Traveling gnomes using the squatty potty and avocado cutters (at the same time?)
  • I wrote “bitch” in my GPS and it lead me to your driveway (I saw you pull in and dove behind the couch)
  • My grandma is totes cray-cray (probably because you use the words “totes” and “cray-cray,” which technically aren’t even real words)
  • My dog calms down after I put a dress on her (please send pictures)
  • I would exercise but it makes me spill my drink
  • I like putting on a show for the neighbor lady with my tater tots (let’s assume tater tots is NOT a euphemism for anything else, shall we?)
  • Boy squirrel glued in a French maid dress cleaning the house (is this a thing? I would totally sign up for that.)
  • I’ll be your dork

I will be your dork for as long as you guys will put up with me. And if you’ve put up with me all the way to the end of this post that isn’t really a post, I will remind you again to enter the giveaway and then come back next time when one person will be announced the winner and everyone else will be disappointed and probably never visit again.

But for now, enjoy your weekend. Unless you’re the person who Googled “I want to nurture Martha Stewart and help her with her bra wedgie.”

In that case, you’re on your own.

Like the blog? Buy the book.

19 responses to “Spring Word Search

  1. I just noticed someone found me by googling “really young girl hot pic” and I hope as soon as he finished gooling that he spontaneously burst into flames and cooked a long slow death.

  2. Ha! You get such entertaining ones. My best recent one is “beaver fuck i’m high”

  3. smh and giggling!

  4. I haven’t taken a look at my “searches” in a while, that should be good for a laugh (or two)

    you kill me Abs, I love every single thing you write (plus as I’m reading your book(s) I am learning that we are very much alike…I love your witty snark. 🙂


  5. Today my peegret is not going before I read this list. 😀

  6. The google search that comes back again and again for my blog is: why i love my mom. It always makes me wonder if its an ongoing question in the back of my head…

  7. I thought I should tell you I just bought your first book today, figure I should start at the beginning. Can’t wait for it to get here!

  8. Glad you kicked stars into alignment. New searches bound to be poised for your amusement.

  9. Ok, I’m worried now. Have I read the last post. I must have done as I pop over all the time. OK, no more fretting and wondering. I’m off to check now

  10. I love that the ad under this is a little girl running cray-cray naked through a park. Totes apropos.

  11. Those word searches that brought people to your blog are CRAZY hilarious!

  12. My favorite one is about the dog calming down after putting a dress on. (1) why would someone google that and (2) I love that it took them to your site! 🙂

  13. Still laughing. Seriously woman, you are hilarious, or else how would these folks end up on your site.

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