Grocery Girl Gone Wild

There are some things that you can’t “unsee,” and the naked body of a local grocery store cashier on display in the gym locker room is one of those things. But let me explain the context of this situation, as I think I need to talk myself through this difficult time.

Unless you’re new here, you know that my usual swinging single gal hangouts include the gym, the grocery storeand the retirement home of my grandma. Most of the cashiers at the store are familiar with my presence and I know which lanes go quickly/allow me to sneak expired coupons and which to avoid.

This particular cashier is probably somewhere between the ages of 23-27 and what I would describe as…comfortably awkward? She seems really nice but slightly misguided as evidenced by questionable fashion accessories from the ‘90s and clumsy lane conversation.

Anyway, I go through her lane if it’s open because she’s been there forever and knows to hand me my change with all the dollar bills facing the same exact way, so she’s a winner in my book, regardless of whether or not she’s wearing a snap bracelet and hair scrunchie.

A couple weeks ago I walked into the gym and saw her on a treadmill. Now this was a surprising turn of events and I felt my worlds collide—grocery girl at the gym?—and had to do a double take. She did the same thing and gave an awkward half-wave thing that I reciprocated while pondering the fact that I never took her to be a runner, but apparently she is.

I’ve seen her at the gym a couple times in passing since that point and once or twice at the store, but recently things got a bit tricky.

After ogling Hot Gym Guy for an appropriate amount of time—somewhere between “gets the heart rate up to cardio level” and “remember about the restraining order”—I walked to the locker room and opened the door. The first thing I saw was boobs, which caused me to avert my eyes down only to be greeted with cooter.

Momentarily glancing up, I saw a look on her face akin to a buck naked deer in the headlights as she stopped wiping down with a towel. For a minute I thought she was the weirdo girl who does kung fu moves by herself in the bathroom that told me she suspects the spider on the floor is a peeping pervert, but then I noticed this girl’s legs weren’t hairy, which is a glaring characteristic of Kung Fu Spider-Girl.

Anyway, she quickly tried to cover up with a towel and finish her drying procedures while I made my way to the locker, which of course was positioned directly next to the only other person in the locker room — naked grocery girl.

We both just went about our business and then thankfully someone else walked in, so my efforts to avoid conversation were quickly passed like a baton back to her.

But as I walked out to my car, I wondered how this would change our relationship. Would she still make awkward small talk if I went through her lane? Could I use this as blackmail those times she didn’t allow an old coupon?

I think I’ll just play it safe and choose a new lane. I just know too much at this point.

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