Ladies and gentlemen, “Veginem” will be back with an Ode to Asparagus in a couple of posts. But today we are going to honor the amazing avocado with a song I ask be sung to the “Eagles” tune “Desperado”).
Avocado, why don’t you come to your ripeness?
You’ve been out on my counter for so long now.
Oh, you’re a hard one,
I know that you got your reasons
But this isn’t pleasin’ me,
So get ripe right now.
Don’t you want to be enjoyed by me?
I’ll eat you if I’m able,
I know the sandwich route is always my best bet.
Now it seems to me, some other things
Have been laid upon my table
But I only want the ones that I can’t get.
Avocado, oh, I ain’t gettin’ no younger.
My pain and my hunger, they’re drivin’ me mad.
And freedom, oh freedom well, that’s just some people talkin’
Your purpose is being part of the food that I had.
Don’t you want to be used at my dinner time?
I’ll smash you up and make your flavors shine.
It’s hard to do when you aren’t ripe today.
I’m feeling all the hunger pangs.
And this feeling, it won’t ever go away.
Avocado, why don’t you come to your senses?
Come down from my counter, get on my plate.
It may be scary, when there’s a knife poised above you,
But you better let somebody eat you, before it’s too late.
Side note: If you do want to hurry along the “ripening” process, you can stick an avocado in a brown paper bag. I can vouch for that one.
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Abby Has Issues 
Love your rendition. I prefer my avocado smashed into guacamole with full fat nachos and a pitcher of beer.
I can’t make that fit the Eagles…
*sigh* such a sad state of avocados as of late. like, the last month or so. all of them awful. and yet I keep trying, several times a week. I miss my avocado.
The brown paper bag works even better if you have some apples or bananas (or other avocados!) around to stick in there with it. Also avoid opening the bag as much as you can. Fruits emit ethylene gas as they ripen and it triggers ripening in other nearby fruits. The buildup of ethylene gas in the bag is what gets your avocado ripe, so the more you can get to build up, the faster your ripening will go. I can get a rock-hard avocado ripe within a day (sometimes within hours!) if I put enough fruit in the bag. I usually buy mine as hard and unripe as I can find them because they always come out good when ripened at home. If you buy the ripe ones from the store, half the time they’re overripe, mushy, and full of brown spots. Yuck.
… I have way too many thoughts on avocado ripening.
Yup! I just couldn’t fit all that into a song 😉
I love when you go all musical on me.
I want that sandwich.
Three easy ingredients! Avocado, toasted Ezekiel sprouted grain bread and hummus and/or spinach.
When I was a teen, we lived in a house that had a huge avocado tree in the backyard… along with two mango trees, a plum tree, a star fruit tree (we call them “five fingers” here) and some banana trees.
It was a really big yard.
There was also an avocado tree where my wife & I live now. It grew in the neighbor’s yard & half of it hung over on our side. Until some guy they hired to clear that part of their land accidentally burned it down one day. Oh well. At least we still have bananas growing in the back.
The tropics rock!
I had to rake the snow off my roof today and haven’t seen grass since November. The tropics do rock!
Wow, that is talent! How do you come up with these jingles?I love avocado sandwiches with cheddar cheese and mayonnaise,
Armadillo hide
Delicious silky green fat
My avocado
Beautiful.
Yum!!! I’ll have to buy an avo right now. Hope it’s a ripe one…
Absolutely LOVE this!!
Mmmm, now I’m craving some guac.
Wow, you just made me hate that song a little less! Great job!
It’s about damn time the fabulous avocado got a song!
It has a good beat and it’s easy to dance to, I give it an 89.
You and the Bobina and your avocados….you should start a club or a Food Network show together
I love avocado and could hardly take my eye off that sandwich. As luck would have it, I had an avocado in the kitchen so you know what happened next don’t you !
Eating avocado for breakfast as I read this. But oh, that sad moment in the market when all of the avocados are hard and you know you’ll be stuck waiting all week. Le sigh!
I can also vouch for the avocado in a bag trick. I know it well as Trader Joe’s sells bricks for avocados… it never changes…
you. are. hilarious.
that is all. carry on.
I want your sandwich. I’ve been smashing avocado on toast and topping with a fried egg. My new comfort food.
Also, for some reason I can’t remember the tune to Desperado so my brain is trying to fit this into “Mandy” by Barry Manilow. It’s not working exactly, but it’s not bad.
Holy guacamole – how good are avocadoes. I cannot eat less than half of one at any one sitting. IF you cut me open my innards would be green mash. true.
How good also are apples. https://cremeboulet.wordpress.com/2014/02/14/an-ode-to-apples/
I’ve never not eaten the whole thing in one sitting. That’s just how I roll.
Holy guacamole, I loved that!
Avocado appreciation comment. That is all.
Being a parody writer myself, an ode to the avocado is time well spent.
Good job. And now, off to the kitchen…