It has been more than a year since I wrote a letter to my new yoga pants welcoming them to the family. In that time we’ve had our share of ups and downs—often from the couch—and upward/downward facing dog positions, which is to be expected.
What I didn’t expect was a letter in reply, and I feel it’s only fair that I share their rebuttal today.
Here’s the deal.
The honeymoon is over.
It’s been a year since you scrounged up the $20 or so at Target to bring me into your life, and while I admit that did have slightly higher hopes for where I would end up — maybe some fashion-forward type with a perky butt that would fill me out better and wear me only once every few weeks while “slumming” and sipping wine on a veranda —I never held that fact against you.
From the beginning you made it clear that I would be put into a small rotation of “good” pants worn out in public before being relegated to “home” pants put on the second you came in the door until you hit the hay at the crazy hour of 10 p.m.
But it’s been a year, and well, I have a couple of issues.
First of all, can we talk about this gym situation a minute? Because I’m still considered your “good” pair, I always have to go out and quite frankly, being in public is exhausting.
With the exception of seeing Hot Gym Guy on the treadmill in front of us—talk about dangling the carrot in front of the horse, am I right?—I can only take so many elliptical sessions and small talk with the woman next to you who apparently marinates in perfume before I’m tempted to use my drawstring for violence.
Second, let’s talk about food.
Sometimes I feel like you should keep me in the fridge because of all the little pieces of hummus or avocado that find their way onto me. I know you try and do that whole, “Wet a towel and wipe it off” thing, but who are we kidding? I hate to break it to you, but no one, that’s who.
Finally, I’m tired and it’s starting to show.
There’s wear and tear on my cuffs, and the aforementioned weaponized drawstring has even broken off in one spot. Sometimes I even feel like even the Walmart cashier is judging how we look.
So let’s just get it all out there, my friend—it’s time to buy a new pair.
Yes, I want you to move on and wear other pants in public so I can enjoy being your “home” pair, which as you said is pretty much like retirement in the Florida Keys for me. I want to swap the gym for power yoga—and by “power yoga” I mean corpse pose on the couch for hours—and only for long walks to the fridge.
Will I miss Hot Gym Guy? Sprinting to put out the recycle as the truck comes down the street? At times, I’m sure that I will. But all in all, I’m content providing you nothing but comfort from “real” pants that just don’t get you.
I get you.
Now with my blessing, go and get some new pants.
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Lol, i hear ya. I wear my stretchy pants hard. I believe in stretchiness in everything I wear.
“Sometimes I even feel like even the Walmart cashier is judging how we look.”
Haha! I love this! I live in my yoga pants and mine probably want to say the same thing to me! 😉
My yoga pants never leave the house…I wonder if they are eager to stand in a Walmart line?? (not gonna happen. LOL)
as always, you make me giggle.
My yoga pants agree with your yoga pants…except for that whole “going to the gym” thing.
I have recently joined a gym, and therefore cannot see any post which refers to exercise or clothing worn during same without wincing.
Haha..this was great! My poor yoga pants have seen better days. They don’t often leave the house, but their public outings are becoming more and more frequent. Maybe that’s not a good sign. 🙂
Great post thanks for sharing this
Oh goodness, I suppose I am supposed to actually use my yoga pants for exercising in, aren’t I?
LOL! here in LA, women LIVE in their LuLu Lemon yoga gear. Ladies, leggings are NOT pants!
hahahahahaha! This is hilarious!!! I own a pair of jeans that would love to change names and read this letter to me!
Congrats! Clever concept, Abby. Thanks for the reminder. I need new yoga pants. The old ones work double-time for sleeping, working, walking the dog, shopping for groceries, gardening, and watching TV.
LOL this is really funny!
I’ve decided to get ‘real’ grownup workout gear and splurged on three drawers full of kit! The comfy old sweatpants are still so comfy though!
Abby, why would you share this? Now MY yoga pants (who are on me right now and totally seeing this post) are going to be all “Hey.. ABBY’S yoga pants make a really good point…”
You’ve started a revolution. And I am not a fan.
It sounds to me like those pants are getting a little too big for their britches….;-)
I think Gym guy should read your blog. That would be better than those Bachelorette shows, imo.
Makes me wonder what my yoga pants are saying to me.