Ahh…summer.
The sound of birds chirping, lawnmowers buzzing and music like “The Entertainer” coming from a janky 1980s model white van driven by a creepy older male trying to lure children to his vehicle in order to sell them sugar-laden treats.
Oh yes, the ice cream truck.
As a kid I can remember the siren song of summer and how we would run outside and try to chase after a moving vehicle in order to procure many of the same frozen treats found in our freezers.
But when you think about it, ice cream trucks were “trendy” ahead of their time. It’s like some marketing genius thought, “Hey! Just thinking out loud here, but how about a food truck marketed only towards kids! Instead of food, it sells nothing but ice cream!”
Running with the idea, they decided to play kid-friendly music on repeat—including completely nonsensical songs like “La Cucaracha”—and drive by the houses right about the time harried parents are trying to convince their kids that eating the spinach on their plate will make them strong like Popeye.
(Popeye. Another theme song they used. Well-played, Ice Cream Man. Well-played.)
Because kids love anything related to sugar and instant gratification, the ice cream men decided to see just how much they could charge before the BBB got wind of their sleek operation.
A menu of carefully arranged the choices was painted on the side of the truck so that there are the plain popsicles or ice cream sandwiches that cost $2—known as “boring and stupid” by most children—and then, right next to them there are the ones shaped like Hello Kitty or Mickey Mouse with candy eyes and sprinkles for $5.
In other words, the price parents would pay for a whole box of the things. Frozen food truck or wizard on wheels? You be the judge.
But I think they’re really missing another gold opportunity with this one. Apparently when you reach a certain age, it’s “inappropriate” to go running out of the house with a five-spot, pushing small children out of your way in an attempt to flag down the ice cream man for a Bomb Pop.
Who makes up these rules?
Anyway, what they need to do is have a second truck creep about 100 yards behind the ice cream truck. Only this time instead of serving ice cream and blasting “The Entertainer,” this truck serves iced adult beverages and streams Bon Jovi through speakers.
Think about it. Parents will LOVE to hear the ice cream man come down the street and happily let their kids spend $4 for a sherbet push-up if they are secure in the knowledge that a drive-by wine tasting is only a few minutes away.
These Wino Wheels could easily expand their reach by parking down the street from ice cream trucks at youth sporting events, making those outdoor soccer tournaments and softball games a little more tolerable after a swig of chardonnay or a beer.
Everyone can enjoy a cold one of choice.
Happy kids. Happy parents.
Cheers to that!
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Abby Has Issues 
What a great idea. They could do themes like Mexican with frozen margaritas
This is a brilliant idea. I’d certainly be rushing out of the house for that one
Martini’s in minivans? Where do I sign up? I have a five spot for everyone.
When I was a kid, I thought ice cream trucks were some kind of 1950’s, days-of-yore kind of thing. I had no idea that people still had them in other cities. It wasn’t until I moved to Los Angeles, that I realized the ice cream truck lives on. Of course, by then I was past the age of running to a truck for a treat – unless your idea comes into fruition. Here’s hoping, Abby! 😉
Brilliant. Need one.
Drive by wine tasting…. you should take that one to the Shark Tank! I love this idea very much 🙂
http://www.lisalisted.com
That’s hilarious that you mention Shark Tank because a) I love that show entirely too much and b) that was going to be the premise of this post initially, but then I just defaulted to rambling 😉
I’m now thinking of moving to Denver, buying a Cheech and Chong “Nice Dreams” truck and selling weed. Yeah, “Weed on Wheels”
Great post Abby!
LOVE it!! And will think of your piece and WONDERFUL idea for a Wino Truck every time that damn ice cream truck drives past my house!!!
The best part is that it would put parents in more relaxed mood so they could better deal with their children’s inevitable ice cream sugar rush.
Please let me live in your neighborhood!
Sounds like a plan 🙂
Brilliant! I’d once again love to hear the ice cream truck coming. Instead, right now it strikes fear in my heart when it trundles down the block right at my daughter’s bedtime. Arrgh!