Here’s what you need to know about today’s blogger spilling her issues—she has two kids, drinks, swears (those things might be related), and writes about suburban life in a way that is anything but crass for all you pearl-clutchers out there. Instead it’s funny and relatable and makes you want to hang out if it meant you didn’t have to put on real pants or makeup.
Oh, and also that she’s giving away something at the end of this post!
So without further ado, I present to you Ms. Foxy Wine Pocket, herself.
Name: Kathryn Leehane, but I love it when people call me “Foxy”
Blog: Foxy Wine Pocket
Where, what and why do you write?
Where: I write in my breakfast room. (“Breakfast room” sounds way more fancy than it really is; it’s a tiny nook off of my kitchen. I also call my teeny-tiny backyard a “courtyard” for the very same reason—fancy.) Anyhow, I like hanging out in that room because I can see all of the comings and goings in front of my house and in the neighborhood. I’m nosey like that.
What: I write (sometimes irreverent and inappropriate) humor on my blog and anywhere else people let me spew my nonsense. I also write non-humor essays, and I’m currently writing my first book.
Why: Because people got tired of listening to me in-person. Even my dog is done with me.
First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning.
“Do I really need to shower this morning or can I sleep a little longer?”
Three websites you visit every day.
Other than my standard social media trifecta (Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest), I like to visit The Oatmeal, The Onion, Cracked. I really love to laugh.
What’s an unusual talent and/or accomplishment you could never put on a resume?
I can do this with my lips:
If you could rule the land for one day, what laws would you create and enforce?
Free coffee in the morning. Mandatory mid-day naps. Free wine at night
You can only eat three foods for a week. What are they?
Cured meats, olive bread, and cheese
The last thing you Googled?
“Can you drink alcohol after a colonoscopy” (The answer is you really shouldn’t.)
It’s the holidays–best and worst gift you’ve been given?
Best: A collection of John Hughes movies from my husband.
Worst: A gift card to a men’s clothing store from my mother-in-law. In her defense, she got her stores mixed up (but she did walk into the actual store to buy it).
What question do you wish I had asked you and what would be your reply?
Question: What’s the most ridiculous fight you and your spouse have ever had?
Answer: About eighteen years ago, my husband ate my sandwich.
*pauses for effect*
HE ATE MY F-ING SANDWICH, and an epic argument ensued. We’ve had our fair share of spats and arguments, but The Great Sandwich Tragedy of 1997 is one that has really stuck with me throughout the years. So, naturally, I wrote all about it in a book, “Clash of the Couples.”
Editor’s note: There’s no need to pause for effect. I am as protective of my food as a rabid mother badger, so I feel you 100 percent on that one.
And I have to say that I have read that story in “Clash of the Couples” and was cringing throughout the whole thing because FOOD and also because it was hilarious and relatable. That’s why I’m so happy to say WE’RE GIVING AWAY A COPY OF THE BOOK!!!
*Jumps around like Oprah, waving her arms all around most likely knocking a lamp off the table*
It’s described as a “hits-close-to-home anthology featuring a collection of completely absurd lovers’ squabbles and relationship spats. Think couples fight over kids, sex, and money? Think again! Furniture and the last beer are what genuinely ignite our feuds. And no argument is off limits. This book has it all!”
This giveaway will be open to anyone in the United States who has a sense of humor and leaves a comment on the question below. For extra good karma, go check out her blog and Facebook page. I will randomly choose a winner Monday night. Good luck, and thank you Foxy!
What’s the most ridiculous thing you and your spouse/partner (former or current) have ever fought about?
Need a holiday gift? Buy the books and cool things!
P.S. Facebook has changed it’s reach AGAIN and only 5-10 percent of people are seeing my updates. To ensure you’re not missing a thing, add my Facebook page to your “Interests” lists, subscribe to my blog or follow me on Twitter.
Abby Has Issues 
Well, it’s food related. We fought over iced tea and the fact that I hadn’t made any. It was Atlanta, and it was hot outside. I made it, put it in a glass pitcher, and slammed it down on the table, and said, “Here’s your damned iced tea!!” The pitcher promptly broke with the impact, and tea went everywhere. I didn’t clean it up. Oh, and there was the fight over tuna salad and the fact that I didn’t use cold mayo to make it, so the salad was kinda room temperature. I don’t like tuna salad, so it made no never mind to me. It bothered him. LOL
Is it weird that I’m sitting at my desk trying to do that weird thing with my lips?
“First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning.
“Do I really need to shower this morning or can I sleep a little longer?” DITTO
Three websites you visit every day.
… (Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest).”… DITTO DITTO DITTO!!
I knew there was a reason I liked you so much!
The most ridiculous thing we’ve ever fought about: The mailbox he gave me as a Christmas present one year. Ironically, it was the same year I quit doing everything for everyone on his side. I thought about, shopped for, purchased, wrapped and gave everyone on his side their Christmas gifts. In return, he bought me a mailbox for Christmas, and didn’t put a single thing in my stocking. THEN he loaded up my stocking from a box of goodies that my friend from Australia sent me. My girls noticed that my stocking was empty when everyone else’s was overflowing with goodies and gifts, so he opened the box she sent me, and put all the gift she sent me into my stocking. I swear that man never, ever wants to see me naked again.
Is it wrong to want a glass of wine at 7:30 in the morning while getting the kids ready for school? Ok, maybe I’ll just spike the coffee.
Well, it wasn’t a huge fight but my husband argued with me one day that he isn’t argumentative. Even when I agreed with him that he isn’t (although I know better) he still wanted to argue about it. I considered strangling him but the thought of prison terrifies me.
My boyfriend and I recently had the most intense argument over…. Who named our dog. Because clearly I did. But he was trying to take the credit when someone asked and I nearly punched him in the leg, um no! We had to verify with texts that were going back an forth the day we got our puppy and he seemed to think that by agreeing to my suggested name that he could take credit for it. It went on for nearly 45 minutes, but doesn’t the initial suggester make them the winner? I suggested (winner of argument) a name and he agreed (looser if argument) to the name? Lol
When we moved into our first house it had a pellet stove in the living room and ceiling fans in almost every room. My husband was trying to figure out how to use as little regular heat as possible by turning on the stove and fan in the living room at the same time, to distribute the warmed air throughout the house. It wasn’t really working (duh!)–our bedrooms, which were down the hall, weren’t getting any warmer. So, he kept switching the direction of the fan blades to see which way worked better. There was no difference that I could tell and told him such, but he kept at it, constantly asking “Do you think this way is better?” Eventually I just started saying “yes” to every fan related question. He caught on and asked if I were just agreeing with him to shut him up, and when I admitted that I was he got really angry and thought that I’d been agreeing with him about *everything* to keep him quiet. I said, “No! Only the things you get really OCD about,” which (obviously )made matters worse. He calmed down after much yelling about why I’d married him in the first place if I “didn’t respect any of his opinions.” Eventually we had a good laugh about it, and now when he gets really OCD about something, I only have to say “Remember the ceiling fan?”
Foxy is awesome. 🙂
My husband and I continuously argue over song lyrics. I’m always right and he’s always wrong of course.
We just argued last night whether or not I was awake. I said hi, smiled and told the dog to stop barking but I was asleep?!?! All while sitting on the sofa and watching tv…
More like, what ridiculous thing HAVEN’T hubby and I fought about?!? I love Foxy and I love that she’s on your blog! And I love that you would totally jump around and knock a lamp off a table because so would I!!!
I don’t think this comment counts as a contest entry since I didn’t really answer the question, but please don’t enter me anyway because I already have Clash of the Couples and want someone else to be able to win it and enjoy its awesomeness!!
Soda. We fought over soda. I normally buy cans, but he *has* to have 24 oz. bottles, so I get them. But he opens them drinks half or less, recaps it and leaves them all over the living room and kitchen. I have half a Mt. Dew on an end table, three quarters of a Pepsi on the kitchen counter, etc. I never drank them assuming he would drink the rest after work. I was blissfully unaware if you leave a soda untouched for two hours it goes bad, which justifies opening a new soda. After we were fined for not filing taxes on our new recycling facility, I said, “F*** it.” I started drinking them. In true man style, that was the very day he came home and wanted to drink the half full bottle of Cherry Pepsi I had sucked down in place of coffee that morning. His temper tantrum rivaled our two year old’s. “Why do you and the kids always have to touch MY stuff?!?” “Can’t I have anything to myself?!?” When the kids go all tantrum-tastic I can take their ages into consideration (9 & 2) and mostly keep myself in check. But my husband was 35. I’m not ashamed. I lost it. We’re talking bat-sh** crazy.
“Yes. Just as soon as I can. Because as of now, I don’t remember the last time I’ve eaten a HOT, COMPLETE meal that wasn’t interrupted by serving seconds, cutting up someone else’s food, or having to dig a condiment out of the fridge that’s staring you IN THE FACE. Were you under the impression that I hid chocolates in the utility closet because it’s more convenient than the pantry?!? Let me clue you in! It has a lock and a light so I can hide and try to remember what the he** personal space is! So I can have JUST ONE MINUTE by myself! I can’t even shower or wipe my a** without an audience or a lecture. And you’re pissing and moaning about half a soda? GIVE ME A BREAK!”
I’m pretty sure he thought he was going to be featured on a new episode of “Snapped.” He still leaves half-filled sodas around the house, but he no longer complains if I drink them. I think he now considers them as “offerings to appease the Goddess.” LoL
“sometimes irreverent and inappropriate humor”
Never enough of that. (and where do we vote for her as Ruler of the Land?
One year I convinced my ex to let me open my birthday presents a day early. And then we had a fight about it on my birthday when I had no presents to open. Oops.
My husband and I argue over whether or not he told me things – he thinks I just don’t listen, and I think OH I THINK I’D REMEMBER IF YOU’D TOLD ME YOU INVITED YOUR ENTIRE FREAKING FAMILY OVER. But of course the fights never last long, because it’s a silly thing to fight over and (mostly) because I can’t yell at him in front of his mom.
My husband and I fought over moving on a day that was snowing.
Geeze! Who thinks it’s a good idea to switch cars (I had a hatchback, he had a bitty itty Mercury Capri) so that one’s other half can go surfing comfortably using the hatchback, ON THE SAME DAY YOU NEED TO DRIVE YOUR HAWAIIAN (=larger than can fit in a stupid Mercury Capri) MOM DAD AND BROTHER to the airport WITH LUGGAGE????!!!!!
Not me, nope, I didn’t think it was a good idea. Suffice to say I ended up hiding the keys from him and leaving two hours earlier than he planned just to get out the door safely.
All kinds of names followed, on both sides, followed by stupidity make-up-sex. He’s such a durf-wad
My ex was mad at me for taking a moment to invite my mom’s friend into the house to tell her that she was in the hospital. Mom doesn’t always remember to let people know what’s up, and this friend had dropped by for a visit. My gf at the time assumed that I was always flirting/cheating with EVERYONE, and the fact that the friend wanted to stop by to share the news of her pregnancy made her no exception. After she left, the fight ensued, and culminated with her snatching a balogna sandwich out of my hands and chucking it across the room. Screw that crazy, balogna-throwing bitch.
My husband and I had our first major fight over a spider. It was October and we had one of those beautiful writing spiders that weaves the huge incredible web and is big and has long legs and a cool design. Anyway, I loved it and her and she laid a sack full of eggs and my husband wanted to ask them to move via a weed wacker because he does not appreciate the spider variety of house guests. We fought about it for days until one day she and her egg sack and web were gone. He swears he didn’t do it but I’m no fool – and then there was a fight about that, too!
OMG, Foxy, will you be my spirit guide? Mostly for the cured meats and cheese. Have you ever had lard bread? Yum. I already have Clash of the Couples so you don’t need to enter me in the drawing. In fact I just read the sandwich story and loved it. I’ve had the same fight w/ my husband. He eats so fast that many times by the time I’ve sat down he’s already eaten the wrong sandwich–mine. When we get takeout I have to monitor closely! Drives me crazy. Even worse is when he says, Just eat mine. If I’d wanted what you ordered….yada yada thermonuclear war yada.
Where to put the Cristina’s tree! He looked like he wanted to punch me when I kept telling him to move it more. He would NEVER hit me, but this was one of those times where I could tell that he really wanted to. LOL
*Christmas tree…FU AUTO CORRECT!
We’ve fought about food a lot. However, our biggest fight was over cable tv. I wanted it and he didn’t. We were on a walk down our street screaming at each other about damn TV. And all of his family (mom/dad, aunts/uncles, etc.) live all around us so they got to hear our fighting all over the place. I ended up winning the fight and we got cable 🙂
love me some foxy! she cracks me up. and your offerings in PIWTPITH’s books crack me up too. biggest fight was shortly after we got married and I made the mistake of saying my opinion did not matter (leftover issue from ex-wife) about something. never made that mistake again.
The worst argument/fight I’ve ever had with a partner, who is my ex, was over what he fed my oldest daughter for dinner one night.
I had just given birth to my youngest daughter, (she is not his, nor is my oldest), and I was back to work already. When I got home from work that evening, I asked what he fed my oldest, (nickname Bear), for dinner, because she was saying she was hungry. He replied with “I gave her a hot dog”. I asked if it was on a bun with condiments, and chips on the side, he told me “No, I just handed her a cold wiener”. ARE YOU F-ING KIDDING ME!? He literally and physically just handed my 3 year old a cold f-ing wiener for dinner. Nothing else! I was irate to say the least. She was so hungry, my little Bear. I felt so bad for her. And wanted to knock him upside the head!
So after taking care of other people’s children for 10 hours, feeding, changing their diapers, etc., (I worked at a daycare center), I now had to cook something for my Bear to eat before she went to bed. Thank goodness my youngest, (nickname Monkey), only needed formula for dinner, or GOD knows what he would have given her to eat! I thought I was going to explode I was so angry.
And that was the worst argument/fight I have ever had with a partner.
A fly body. As in who was responsible for killing it and therefore had to pick it up and put it in the trash. As I recall, I caved [as usual]. Nothing worse than a rotting fly body in the house, amiright?
Hello miss Pocket… oh I can call you Foxy Cool. Hello Foxy. I would love your book because it is just the right size to hit my unruly children with. Wait I mean because I want to read it and am too poor to be able to buy all the books I want to read. I don’t really hit my children, at least not after they lose consciousness. Actually I don ‘t have to hit them I just threaten to fart and they lose consciousness that way…. where was I…. Oh yeah, the book… GIMME PLEASE!!
We fought about whether to get my dog a puppy and the pros and cons……Ummmm I won. 🙂
You had an epic battle over a sandwich? You are my kind of chick.
Fuck, I hit enter too soon. Anyways. I got so mad at my (future) husband at a party that I took off my shoe and hucked it at his head. He was in another room talking to his best friend and I heard him say, “I’m in love with Lisa Park.” I lost my shit and ran in there, threw the shoe and started hollering, “Who the fuck is Lisa Park, you cheating bag of shit?!” He looked at me like I was nuts. Apparently, he and his bestie were talking about Prince albums, and he had said, “I love Paisley Park.” Oh. Whoops.
The worst fight we ever had? One afternoon Super Husband called from work to say he would be late, he was going to sell one of his guns and buy another one. We had a six week old baby at the time, and I was furious with him. I told him he was a bad father, he didn’t love me. I was totally off the rails. Then, when he came home, he had sold his gun, but his real reason for selling it was he wanted to use the money to buy me a cordless telephone so that I could talk on the phone while I was nursing the baby. I enjoyed the crow I ate for dinner that night.
We don’t fight much, but when I’m unhappy with him, he always says this: “I’m sorry…. you’re mad at me.” That’s NOT an apology.
Ha! Every fight my husband and I have ends up looking ridiculous later on. Today we fought about how I should pack my carryon bag for a trip he’s not going on. I love me some Foxy, by the way!!!
Honestly, I can’t remember which is a clear indication of how utterly stupid it was!!
We often argue over who farts more (him) and who Dutch ovened the bed (also him- girls don’t fart, right?).
Which one of us were going to chuck into the pond the frozen (winter) )dead mouse collection the cat had accumulated by the back slider.
I have a picture to prove it. There were seven little fellas of all sizes., and our cat is named Foxy.
My ex husband and I had a fight over washing dishes…I was washing them and did not think I should rise them in cold water…did I mention he is my ex husband?
He said that I threw a plastic cup directly at him. I said that I tossed it vaguely in his direction. I only wish that my aim was that great! Oh and the time that he went out in a thunder storm to tie up the boat. And I didn’t come help him. Seriously, my kids need one parent still around!
Ours are usually about who is right…me or him. Most recently it was over how I cut the pizza…I ALWAYS cut into 6 pieces, he tells me I have NEVER cut into 6 pieces. ugh. I usually just say, “whatever” and drop it, knowing that if I don’t, we could go on forever. Oh, and directions. my sense of direction is usually TERRIBLE and I have no problem admitting that! The few times I KNOW WHERE I AM GOING he will tell me I have no idea where I am going. Even when it turns out that I DO know where I am going, he will never acknowledge that I am right!
PS Thank you Foxy for introducing me to Abby!
The most ridiculous thing that my husband and I have argued over in the last 15 years is the spelling and pronunciation of the word SHERBET…
**pauses for effect**
Yes. A word. A simple frozen fruity yummy caused a 3 week argument that made me want to bury the love of my life in the backyard and not feel bad about it.
hubs: I would like some SHER…BERT
me: Yes. I think I would like some SHER…BET also!! there is no effing “BERT” in this word!
My google proof didn’t even stand a chance at helping me make him see that I was obviously right and he was of course effing wrong!
3 weeks this went on…
I
Sorry I am so late in dropping in on this blog post! Great interview, Foxy! My husband and I fight about weird things, like Christmas cards, mother-in-laws, and whether a mysterious “poo smell” was actually one of us farting or “leaking” without being aware of it. (It was neither.) Grats Abby on catching this big fish!
Best argument between my fella and I was about dog food. He swears that dogs should only eat dog food and I explained, logically, that dog food is only called that because of….
Anyway, I hung up on him and really wanted to cuss at him, but the hanging up was dramatic enough.
Note: Neither of us owns a dog. Or wants to own a dog.
You’re not on the end here just made my day. Gold star for you!
No need to pause for effect for me either. Ain’t nobody better touch my sandwich. Evuh. I vote for mandatory coffee, naps and free wine. Vote Foxy in 2016.
SOooooo, the wife and I are about six months from our thirty year wedding anniversary, don’t ask, it feels like thirty years. Having made it this far and because of our age, good health, and lineage longevity history we’re likely to reach our 75th anniversary unless disease or a bus takes us out first.
In her mildly psychotic wedlock state of mind she mentioned several months ago that she would like to turn our 75th anniversary celebration into a Guiness World Record event by being the oldest married couple to divorce and wed on the same day, stupid right?
She went on to tell me she wants us to have a ceremony to divorce and then remarry on our 75th anniversary. I think it asinine and let her know it. She doesn’t quite understand why I would think its a little strange to be thinking and planning 45 years down the line when she’s never been good at planning anything beyond say three weeks out.
When I say this of course she starts to come unglued, remember we’re talking about an event that’s so far in the distance the attendees may be present, but realistically only in body without full faculties. I guess it really only got ugly after I snickered, but I couldn’t control myself because of the ridiculousness of the very topic.
She was pissed, and I didn’t get any for two!
Although it might be too late for the drawing, I just discovered your Blog (Yay me!) and want to put my two cents in…
The worst fight my Husband and I ever had was on a trip to Las Vegas. We had been married for just over a year and were still getting “the hang” of one another. He wanted to go see a magic act he had gotten free tickets for one afternoon when we had already planned to go shopping and get a massage. I was pissed because it was the only activity I had specifically asked for on the whole trip and now he was welshing on his promise. We got into a knockdown drag-out scream-fest right there on the Strip and I snatched the tickets out of his hand and tore them up.
He went completely silent and, after looking sadly at the ticket bits, pivoted on his heel and walked back to the car park, got in the car and drove away leaving me on my own! (In retrospect, I deserved it for my bit of brattiness in destroying the tickets.)
Eventually, I got him to answer his phone and apologized. I bought tickets to the show for the next day and all turned out peachy-keen in the end!
ALL of our fights are absurd. But most recently, we fought over how dark my makeup was, when I wasn’t wearing any.
I won.
I adore you both!