Dear Tooth Fairy: Get It Together

A text I got from my mom the other day that might give you a bit of insight into my early command of authority:

“I was cleaning out some drawers of mine and found a note you wrote the Tooth Fairy. OMG. You were so direct and authoritative. Made me laugh. Then cry. Thank you for being a wonderful weirdo.”

I had to investigate.

On a little 3-by-3-inch piece of paper was the following, word for word, scratched out in pencil:

Dear Tooth Fairy,

Hello again.

You need to know that this tooth was really a pin in the butt! I could twist it all the way around!! It was a lot of work!!!

Please leave the money under my pillow and sign your name on the line below:

The pencil is on my desk. Please don’t use my purple pen. It’s my favorite.

Have a good night!

Let’s “workshop” this, shall we?

I like how I conveyed a sense of familiarity with the addition of “again” to my  hello. Then I get right to the point, telling her the necessary information surrounding the situation and the effort I had put forth to extract said tooth.

I also think it was a nice touch the way I built up the emotion with progressively more exclamation points each time.

Then I rounded things out with the call to action and verification of her status —money under pillow, sign on the line, avoid purple pen—to clear up any confusion, before politely wishing her well on the remainder of her rounds.

Yes, I am a wonderful weirdo.

However, so are the kids in this post I wrote for 22 Words  based off my own Tooth Fairy note. She has some high expectations to meet.


And while you’re there, here are a couple more of the gazillions of things I wrote over there I thought you might enjoy.

This Animal Shelter Has a Brilliant Strategy to Find Homes for Their Pups

30 Ridiculous Kitchen Gadgets You Want In Your Life (I want the Sushi Bazooka or Tex the Armadillo)

25 Fun “Frozen” Facts, Including Silly Mistakes and a Hilarious Note in the Credits

Bacon Lovers Unite! 35 Fun and Ridiculous Bacon Products (yes, I’m a vegan who wrote about bacon)

28 Brilliant Food Hacks that Will Make You a Kitchen Genius (Sorry this is multi-page. It’s annoying, but they’re looking into fixing some issues.)

32 Insane Baseball Foods That Put Peanuts and Cracker Jacks to Shame

Before you go, I have to bring it back to me—it’s all about ME—and warn you that putting a bra under your pillow like you do teeth for the Tooth Fairy will NOT result in waking up with big boobs. Highly disappointing, but I guess that’s adulthood.

Happy Reading!

Like the blog? Buy the books and cool things!


P.S. Facebook has changed it’s reach AGAIN and only 5-10 percent of people are seeing my updates. To ensure you’re not missing a thing, add my Facebook page to your “Interests” lists, subscribe to my blog or follow me on Twitter.


12 responses to “Dear Tooth Fairy: Get It Together

  1. Of course the purple pen is reserved.

  2. Cha-ching! That was awesome.

  3. Haha that’s adorable. I recently found one of my old tooth fairy letters and I basically begged her to be my best friend. It was really sad.

  4. You are indeed a wonderful weirdo! One of my favorites. My kids would definitely have a few things to add to these Tooth Fairy missives. Our tooth fairy needs to get her shit together pronto. 😉

  5. It appears that you are really enjoying your new job. I loved your tooth fairy directive!

  6. This shows you always had the talent to write and humor for every situation.

  7. Bwahaha. I love this! Now you have me wondering what kind of crazy shit I said or did for the Tooth Fairy, if anything. I need to call my mom now.

  8. So do you speak from experience on the bra thing? Oh how I wish that would work!!! (and that’s three exclamation points there!)

  9. I like how you made her sign for the tooth. That was pretty commendable, displaying signs of genius at such a young age. I am not surprised.

  10. Your note was hilarious haha, straight to the point!

  11. F*ck, I swallowed my tooth, can I still get the money?

  12. I read your Frozen one earlier in the week and I thought to myself “Huh, I wonder if Abby wrote this.” And you did! Funny.

Talk to me

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s