This is the page where I tell you wonderful things about myself so you continue to read this blog.
Sometimes I dress like a hippie and pose with produce.
- I’m a freelance writer and editor who started blogging as a way to write for enjoyment and not just employment.
- I also have a rabid interest in sports, food, yoga, things that make me laugh, and my own bed.
- And asparagus. And avocado. And lots of other green things.
This picture is hanging in my kitchen, along with my OveGlove — also known as the best kitchen thing ever.
It’s okay if you don’t like these things. We can still be friends —except for the OveGlove thing. That’s a deal-breaker.
If we’re going to brag — I think I heard someone ask me to brag, so thanks mom! — here are a couple more bullet points:
- 2015 Huffington Post Top 50 Funniest Tweet
- 2016 Huffington Post Top 50 Funniest Tweet
- 2017 Huffington Post Top 50 Funniest Tweet
- 2018 Huffington Post Top 50 Funniest Tweet
- BuzzFeed’s 2018 Top Funniest Tweets By Women
- 2015 BlogHer Voice of the Year Honoree
- My personal work/tweets has been featured multiple times on The Huffington Post, BuzzFeed, Reader’s Digest, The Today Show, Vend, Shopify, Payoneer, Scary Mommy, Apartment Therapy, Casual Living, Gift Shop Magazine,The Erma Bombeck Writer’s Workshop, Recycled Paper Greetings, and more.
- This is my most popular post ever and was shared more than 450K times between various sites. It sums me up pretty well.
- Awarded “2012 Blogger of the Year” and “Top Female Blogger” by Studio30 Plus.
- SkinnyScoop Top 25 Humor Blogger
- Humorpress.com Winner multiple times
- Self-published two books and was part of three best-selling anthologies that can be found and purchased by clicking the tabs up above or visiting Amazon.com.
- If you want to see my professional cred, that can be found on my professional page.
- Have managed to keep my fake tree alive for almost ten years and can still do the splits all three ways.
Love the funny details you included, especially about the garden gnome appearance. Have you heard of the book How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack? It’s a fun, clever read. I look forward to reading more of your witty words.
Yes! I actually had a friend send me that book a couple of years ago. I wish I had thought to write it first 🙂
Yeah, isn’t that always the case? Sometimes great minds thinking alike can be a bummer. 😛
Ok, I don’t have an OveGlove and I know it’s a deal breaker. But the ironing, camping and frequent bathroom trips (just in case) should count for something, don’t you think?
That totally counts. You’re in. Plus, OveGloves are only like $15.99. Splurge!
Haha! I used to say “I have the attention span of a fly” but “Gnat on Crack” is much better!
First, it’s so great to find other people that relate attention spans to gnats. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been looked at like I’m speaking a foreign language for using that one!
Second, I envy your writing for employment. I wish I’d found that path years ago! I’ve only just recently started blogging, and would happily do so for employment, if I had anything of any real value to say.
Third, garden gnomes with vodka? ‘Nuff said.
So excited to have found your blog. I think i’m gonna like it! 🙂
You had me at “I’m 30 years old with no husband or kids.” Me, too. And Blunty said you’re cool.
I hope this doesn’t offend you, but I think we have a lot in common based on reading your About page 😉 Had no idea you also hated camping…I’m off to check out your issues with that, but I think I have a fair idea!
I don’t know why it took me so long to read this page and comment, but the one thing I want to say is that I have an Ove-Glove. And I adore you.
Garden nomes and vodka?!? I’m in! (that’s what he said)
Great blog! I find it hilarious that you say the “gnat on crack” thing, too. I’ve always used it to describe myself, but it’s probably being unfair to all of those gnats suffering from addiction.
Garden gnomes and vodka. Sold.
Hello friend! Why not end the year with a few kudos? I’ve nominated you for the Kreativ Blogger Award! (see http://thursdaymorningmeditations.wordpress.com/2011/12/27/kreativbloggeraward/ for more info). Thanks for your wildly entertaining musings! And Happy New Year! ~M
You had me at garden gnomes and vodka. And I too am a strong believer in the power of the OveGlove. It should have it’s own fan club of which I would be president and chief executive officer. You could be my speech writer as I feel your use of the English language is much stronger and more coherent than mine. Tell me you are also a huge admirer of Shakira (or at least her assets) and I think we could be a match made in heaven.
I need to read more of your blog 🙂
I don’t know what an oveglove is but I’m going to immediately find out. And then get on. Plus I’d never thought of pairing a garden gnome with my vodka before. Briliant!
My name is Kerry and an oveglove changed my life.
I am clearly going to have to ignore my family this morning to catch up with this blog…
Kerry at HouseTalkN
A cat and no children. Okay, we are friends! I don’t know what an Oveglove is either but I will look it up. I think it’s awesome you write for magazines. If I worked again that or freelance would be a dream job. Although, technically you could say I do freelance..if that is another word for self-publishing.
well I never heard of OveGlove til now but I just ordered one, that’s the most awesome thing ever…Kevlar AND Nomex, hell you could wear this thing into battle! nice blog, I love yoga and not camping too (altho I do like hiking!)
This is very amusing and clever. My wife will love it too. Sending a link right away!
Okay, I just bought your book. (Finally!) will you please explain how I am saving a kitten by doing so?
Check the “Buy the Book” tab at the top of my blog and it explains why I’m donating all the profits from the book to the Humane Society. 🙂
i like you Abby..that is all 🙂
I absolutely love your blog – I have a pair of ove gloves – doesn’t that make me a charter member? I also have vodka but alas, no gnome. I am going to find something to use in his place! Keep up the good work!
Thanks for stopping by. OveGlove Lovers unite!
At the risk of sounding like a totally crazy person, you and I are quite similar in our sense of humor, which means we are both ridiculously awesome. The only significant difference is you eat healthier food than I do and are probably far more regular. (Don’t brag.)
I stumbled across this blog from Barb Best’s blog and I wanted to comment and say how much I enjoy your stuff, but say it in the non-creepiest way possible. (Obviously, I’m failing miserably.)
And by “stuff” I really do mean your writing and not your boobs. OMG. what? I’m a married woman. Married to a dude. Why did I just mention boobs?! MUST. STOP. THE. BLEEDING!
Either way, your outlook on life, humor, and love of shelter animals is just like mine. It’s nice to know there are others out there who are funny but compassionate too. (And who look really good in hats. I totally do.)
I’ll stop blabbing now and making things worse. You know what? I’ll go ahead and do you the favor of deleting this comment myself. I suspect you’re creeped out and will need to bathe immediately upon reading this.
I already adore you, just from this comment and the fact you don’t yet know that my boobs are exactly the size of that of a 12 year old boy, and not an obese one who needs a bra himself. Going to check out your blog. Welcome to my craziness!
Ha! Well I have…ahem…larger boobs, and since I’m so charitable, I’m willing to give you some of them, flat out. (Pun intended. Duh.)
I’m so charitable. Do you think a pound of each boob is enough donation?
I’m about to utter something entirely blasphemous. I just want you to be prepared. I don’t know what an OveGlove is……forgive me for I know now what I do.
I suggest you Google it and then get thee out to the store or Amazon, woman! It’s a game-changer, for sure.
I’m afraid I’ve never heard of OveGlove (don’t think you get them in South Africa), but gnomes and vodka…how can I resist that?
You can’t. I think it’s impossible, right?
Awesome 🙂 if I hadn’t been hooked already, the vodka and garden gnome would’ve done it.
Yay for being able to do the splits all three ways! I do hope I can keep my body doing the same for the rest of ever! Grandma doing the splits is my future.
Vodka saved you for me! Well played, ma’am! Well played!
Loving it, from a garden gnome, vodka loving geek 🙂
Hi Abby! I just discovered your blog and am seriously loving it. You are a great writer, and I really appreciate your love of farmer’s markets in the summer and vodka – green vegetables and liquor make the world go round. I look forward to reading more!
Thank you for stopping by and reading! It’s totally BYOB (my “B” is broccoli though, not Bourbon.) 😉
Just one word: ‘WOW’ (:
Love the Ove Glove. Sometimes I squirrel it away in my room until my mom demands to have it back. Love your blog too.
Hi Abby! Just joined WP and found you by chance but now feel like I know you. BTW, I love avocado too!
+1 for the gnomes
Hi, Abby! I just stumbled across this fabulous little (or not little, actually) blog, and can I just say that even though I’ve searched and read for a full six and a half minutes, I think you’re one of my favorite people ever! (please ignore my awkward and slightly obsessed self.)
I really enjoy your writing, and I think you’re a great person, and you remind me a bit of myself, actually! Also, avocados are the fruit of the gods.
Avocado lovers unite!
I nominated you for the Sunshine Award. Thank you for an inspirational blog. http://betternotbroken.com/2014/03/17/the-sunshine-award-for-betternotbroken/
Just so you know, I don’t often respond to blogs but I just wanted to let you know…I think you are hilarious, you make me laugh and I can really relate too most of your issues. Thank you for making my day bright! 🙂
Abby you have issues and I love it! I have been one to need wit, humor and writing as an outlet all my life as well so that I do not spontaneously combust. I am finally going to give this blogging thing a shot because I am constantly harassing people with my conversation anyways why not write it down! I always feel like it is harder to put in to actual words than just ramble on verbally. Please impart some wisdom on me about how to just blog it down so that it is quality, how do you just keep that going? Do tell!
The god of blogging suggested I might like you so I checked you out. Yes, I do. So, with our similar loves for Erma Bombeck, avocados, and keeping fake plants alive, I hereby plan to follow your blog. Feel free to follow my lead. (note the sarcasm) You can say, “I knew her when.” I’m about to kick it into high gear.
Hello and welcome! Avocado lovers unite! You might appreciate this:
What a comical introduction and avocado is like the best thing ever, oh that and apples (honey crisp and Pink Lady)
“Come, sit with me. Let’s have coffee (or not) and talk.”
Got wind of your site on Facebook and now I’m stalking, I mean following you. Thanks for making me smile with green things and stuff.
I’m new to blogging and have been cruising around this site just reading today. Yours is so refreshing, real, with true humor. Meaning you point out the funny things in your life that are also so relatable because they are pretty much universal! Love it!! A light ,bright spot in a heavy reading morning.
You are already so popular I feel like a gnat in a crowd, but joining the masses anyway! I can’t wait to read more.
Umm…I’m not all that popular, but thank you for joining the dozens who do read this blog! The more, the merrier! 😉
You got me at gnomes bearing vodka. 🙂 So happy to have found your blog!
Hi Abby! I’ve been reading your blog for a little while now and I dig it.
Of course you have issues… you’re smoking asparagus.
You seem funny and cute. So now I’m following you. I’m like that weird guy in the supermarket.
Hi, just read an article you wrote on HuffPost dated yesterday. You describe me to a T.
I’m glad that you can relate. I hope it helped in some small way.
I will have to have words with my garden gnome, he never brings me anything. Vodka would be a start 😉
You are hilarious! The gnome convinced me to come back 😉 Actually I already bought in to your blog with your funny 1st paragraph rhyme. So glad I found you on the Reader!
I had to re-follow you. For some reason I wasn’t getting your posts in my reader and only had you on Facebook. 🙂
I have been a follower of yours for awhile and so I nominated you (and your blog) for the Sunshine Blogging Award. Check out my blog for details at http://www.acountrygirlsurviving.wordpress.com
Great blog and I’ve nominated you for a blogger recognition award, check out the link for details, best wishes, Steve. http://wp.me/p4F0Np-BG
Yes! I have issues! Not as much as some, but enough to be included in many psycho – analysis studies I’m sure.
Hi Abby. I am enjoying reading your blog and your latest post made me laugh. Love your sense of humour. I nominated you for a Leibster award (in case you’re interested).
I am a late arrival here even though I have read many of your offerings on 22 Words.
As opposed to most others following you, you have won my admiration and attention for the articles that you have written about clinical depression (I still don’t know why it is labelled ‘depression’ because it is such an inadequate descriptor of what I am living with). You have presented the experience so simply and yet so accurately that it made me wonder why I have not been able to explain it to my family. My parents do not use computers so with your permission I would like to make copies of those articles to give to them as a way of helping them to understand what life is like for me.
I do also enjoy your humour and will be making time to read all your articles (probably as an alternative option in one of those “getting lost in a book” moments) confident in the expectation of being rewarded with a smile or a giggle.
Thank you for what you do.
Of course. And feel free to email me if you ever have any questions.