Are you like me and worry that someday the Internet will explode as a result of cute sloth videos, destroying all of the (questionably) hilarious things that I’ve written here on this blog?
If so, we should be friends and you should be in therapy.
But I have a solution to your problem! I’ve written two books full of my most popular posts and am part of anthologies full of stories from people much funnier than I am. Below are descriptions with links so you can buy them and quickly catch up:
“In this second installment of award-winning humor writer Abby’s compiled blogging neurosis, she shares everything from the drama of a cab ride with Aunt Mable to an exclusive interview with Vanilla Ice and her quest to become a naked sushi model. Presented in short bursts for readers with the attention span of a manic gnat with ADD — much like the author herself — it will leave you thinking and laughing with each turn of the page. Abby has issues. We all do. Hers will make you feel normal.”
Here’s the post where I talk about that book. It can be found on Amazon or BN.com.
Here’s a stellar endorsement, in case you don’t believe me or the Amazon reviews.
___________________________________________________________________
The first book. Published in 2011.
“This book of essays taken from AbbyHasIssues.com allows the (obviously brilliant) reader to relive the author’s goal of becoming a Consolation Prize Wife, or having her eyebrows waxed without the inherent paranoia that accompanies hot liquids being plastered on her face. From the birthday she was blindfolded and forced to hunt for her presents in the backyard, to her grandma’s dating advice and rules on nursing home Bingo etiquette, Abby also shows how humor can be hereditary–whether you like it or not.”
Here’s the page where I talk about why I wrote this book and donated the money to charity.
___________________________________________________________________
You Have Lipstick on Your Teeth
“Inside you’ll find 39 (mostly) true tales by women, for women, about being women—bodily changes, relationships, careers, motherhood, aging, illness, and more—written with the humor and grit that proudly sets In The Powder Room apart. But be forewarned: we’re holding nothing back. We’re revealing our deep dark secrets—because it’s through our most vulnerable and honest moments that we forge the strongest connections and discover we aren’t so alone after all.”
Here’s the post with the book announcement. And for the record, it was an Amazon best-seller in only the first week.
___________________________________________________________________
“Don’t get us wrong, we love the men in our lives – we do (most of the time). It’s just that sometimes we would like them to go away. Not forever or anything like that. Just for an hour … or a day … or a weekend. We want some time to ourselves to read a good book or take a walk or do anything other than try to make a dent in the never ending mound of dirty clothes that keeps piling up on the floor on his side of the bed. We just want to be alone. All alone. Is that too much to ask?”
I Just Want to Be Alone is a collection of humorous essays from 37 of the most Super Cool Lady Writers you’ll find on the Web--including me!
___________________________________________________________________
I also have some journals from middle school full of notes about my dream of being a back-up singer for Mariah Carey or finding out Sly Stallone is really my biological father, but those haven’t been published quite yet. So I suggest you get started with the reading above and check back for possible updates.
Abby Has Issues 
You have books and stuff? You’re like successful or something…
“Presented in short bursts for readers with the attention span of a manic gnat with ADD” — possibly the most wonderful (and accurate) description of my reading style. Yes please.
How can I get a print of the lady carrying in all of the grocery bags? It says “she died doing what she loved.”