Houston, We Have a Problem

I’m still in Houston but thought I would drop in a minute so that when I get home Monday night I can pretend this whole trip never happened and go back to blogging about normal neurosis.


Because the day before I left I thought I was getting a cold, but it turned out to be some version of the flu. This whole trip I’ve been dealing with a migraine, runny nose, cough that rivals an emphysemic geriatric and feeling as if I’ve been body-slammed by an elephant. Add in airline travel, long days and general crap and fun times are abounding!

Although Uncle June tried to claim it, I’ve been curling up in this robe in the moments between work and the chills.

Although Uncle June tried to claim it, I’ve been curling up in this robe in the moments between work and the chills.

Anyway, my whining is over. Probably.

As an apology I will share a few insights and pictures, simply because I don’t have the mental capacity to actually do anything more than that and I’m doped up on DayQuil.

Dr. June to the rescue!

Dr. June to the rescue!

If the fate of the world depended on me figuring out how to collapse the ironing board in my hotel room, we would all be doomed. No matter how I flip it around and hit it with random things—nothing.

However, when life hands you lemons, stick them in your shirt to make it look like you actually have boobs. Or just use the ironing board as a table for some of your junk, which is exactly what I’ve been doing.

Even though I bring my hotel flip-flops, I will still request extra towels to use as “yellow brick road” of sorts from the shower to my socks in the other room.

One of the fashion shows.

One of the fashion shows.

After stuffing 350 sponsor goody bags with products at the House of Blues for the event we put on for 800 people, one might just become delirious and try on leftover fishnets, Smurf hats and blinking glow-in-the-dark glasses.


Or glow-in-the-dark shoes, perhaps?

There is nothing scarier than dragging your sick ass into the bathroom in the middle of the night and coming face to face with yourself in the magnifying mirror.

I’m pretty sure a majority of travel days are spent waiting for the automated sink/soap/paper towel dispensers to work.

I pretty much look like this, except I don't wear a dress.

I pretty much look like this, except I don’t wear a dress.

Despite looking like death, a lot of people walking around the show recognize me from my picture each month in the magazine. Hearing them tell me they enjoy the publication I put together each month is always satisfying.

At least I think that’s what they said. Again, maybe it was a hallucination.

On a positive note, I took a few minutes to sit on a park bench outside the convention center and no one threw money at me under the assumption that I was a homeless person. I consider that a win!


An outdoor skating rink in Texas? Sure, why not?

Anyway, this post is lame and I’m sure you’re thinking, “But that looks like fun!” At this point I will remind you that I missed the fun because I was sick and just want my own bed, shower and food.

Crap. I guess I wasn’t done whining quite yet.

At any rate, the next time I post I’ll be home and I promise something better than this. Probably. For now, another picture of the world’s happiest animal, as promised.

How can you not smile?

My furry little peace offering.

Like the blog? Buy the book.

Humor me. What’s been your worst traveling experience?

28 responses to “Houston, We Have a Problem

  1. We’ve had the flu here. Longest nine days of my life with my 8 year old three days ahead of me. I now think that I am relapsing, symptom-wise. Looking like death, well you image sums it up, and even a swell Victoria’s Secret night gown and robe cannot fix that! Get well soon!

  2. There really seems to be some bad stuff going around this year; I haven’t had the flu (been shotted) but I picked up a stomach virus over Thanksgiving that was just delightful. I hope you feel better quickly,

  3. see, I wish I was on this trip – from the fashion show and the Lamborghini to the glow in the dark uh, HEELS, it all sounds fun to me. sorry you are sick, that just makes a trip even worse 😦

    we had a fun one once – Jason and I flying out on vacation… he leaves his macbook on the first plane. doesn’t realize it until we are in security for the second flight. he runs across the airport to try to get it back… without success. the flight was so late we SPRINTED through the jetcenter to get to the next flight, which had waited for us… but since they waited the flight attendants were so bitchy, giving us attitude and YELLING at me to “just find a seat and sit” and by that time I was so done with travel I started crying. Jason was pissed and when one FA came back to apologize, he asked for the other FA’s last name – they tried to make it up to me by giving me all kinds of goodies and free alcohol. I accepted it, but have never flown United since. Jason bought a new macbook when we got to our destination (we were on vacation but he needed it), and a few days later the airline called and said they found his computer.

    I hope that story helps a little? 🙂 feel better, it’s almost over! XO

  4. More whining, I say. More! The flu is the worst. I’m so sorry it’s getting you. Boo, flu, boo.

    • More? Hmm…I was told I look taller in person than in my picture, which is only a headshot (did they think I didn’t have any limbs?) Plus, with the exception of oatmeal in my room in the morning, I haven’t had a hot meal this whole trip. Bring on Monday!

  5. This is long–but TRUE! From one of my old posts:

    At another time, our “prizewinning” niece was living in Bordeaux, France. She asked us to visit her, which we did, on our way back to the US. She booked us into some Godforsaken rattrap a very nice hotel. The room clerk spoke English & was quite pleasant. I took a bath in preparation to meeting our niece for dinner. I tried to drain the tub when I was through, but it wouldn’t drain. I pushed—or pulled—something & created our own private Vesuvius. Water was everywhere & we couldn’t stop it. I called the desk downstairs for help. Mr. English Speaker had left & no one else there spoke English. My French is passable under quiet, normal, non-emergency conditions–which these were NOT! I identified myself & gave him our room number, we were talking—that is to say he was talking, I was panicking–& he asked me to hold for a moment. He came back on & informed me that he was sorry, but WE WERE NOT THERE! I finally managed to get him to come to our room, where he saw the bathroom floor covered by an inch of water. I had built a dam out of towels & managed to keep the lake in the bathroom. He turned off the water, brought in more towels & blotted it up as best he could. He informed us that since it was Sunday he wouldn’t be able to get a plumber until the next day, so would we be so kind as to not bathe again that evening? Because of the inconvenience he kindly offered to take $10.00 off the cost of our room. But the story doesn’t end there—oh, no! After we got back from dinner I was exhausted. We had flown from Italy to France, gone through all this at the hotel, then got cleaned up (or at least tried to), dressed & went out to a fancy restaurant for dinner! It was very hot & humid (Bordeaux is on the coast) & I felt sticky, but obviously I couldn’t bathe. I climbed into bed & immediately rolled into the middle, where I felt velcroed to my equally sticky husband. The thin-to-start-with mattress had, over the years, morphed into the shape of a “V”. We could not stay separated. I ended up taking the bedspread, putting it on the floor & sleeping on it. I guess it wasn’t too bad of a deal—we DID get $10.00 off! Good thing fishduckies can swim!

  6. Being sick while traveling is the worst- I’m sorry, dude. However, can we order some of those platforms for me? Size 8.5… thanks…

    My worst traveling experience… I can’t think of something specific, that really stuck out for the entire trip, however, I’m wasn’t impressed that my flight out of Vegas to come back home got cancelled and they weren’t able to accomodate me until 36 hours later. I also had a layover and was in the air an extra 2 hours longer than if I had flown my original direct flight. I was pissed. And everyone I worked with thought I was just drunk and missed my flight. Sigh.

  7. Oooh, CJ and I live in Houston and would have loved to see you – or, rather, a healthier you. So sorry you were sick. I hope the weather was warmer than where you live (not sure where!), so at least you could shed some layers.

    I am not sure what they do to those ironing boards in hotel rooms. Are they not made in the same way as the ones we buy at Target? Glad you found a use for it.

    • Now I’m nervous my flight will be delayed tomorrow, as there is HORRIBLE weather in Michigan right now (where I live.) The weather here in Houston today is gorgeous though, so I can’t complain about that 😉

  8. Hang in there. This too shall pass even though it doesn’t feel like it at the moment. We are all whiny and miserable when we’re really sick. So, don’t worry about it. Take care of yourself and get better soon.

  9. Sorry you’ve been feeling so crappy, Abby. You’ll be home and in bed before you know it.

  10. omfg abby i am so sorry. what a mess of shit to get sick too, on top of it all. and i do mean, “it all.” ‘cuz it is.

    you still manage to amuse my talented friend. hugs (but only virtual, i’m not catching that shit.)

    love u

  11. Ahhh I’m sorry you’re sick! BOOOO

  12. Get well soon, abs.

    I worked in Houston for 3 months – sept 2010 to dec 2010 and got to know the city well. Lots of Tex Mex restaurants and traffic. The sculptures downtown are even weirder than atlanta’s and that’s saying something.

  13. Ugh, I just got over Bronchitis. I’d much rather be sick in my own bed then on vacation and I definitely don’t like it on a plane. Good luck. I feel for you.

  14. Poor old you. Travel for work can be quite challenging, so add in a decent cold with wheezing and coughing and I agree, the fun factor is hard to find. still , once again, you exhibit the aboility to find humour in most situations, so your sense of proportion must be better than you give it credit for. Hope you get better soon.

    • Ha. Thanks. I promise to get back to reading blogs and whatnot later this week. For now, I’m dealing with this illness and flight delays. At least I have something to look forward to 🙂

  15. I was sent to Tampa by my company for training, sprained my knee on the plane, ended up in the Emergency Room in a hospital in Tampa, and spent three weeks of training in a wheel chair or pushing a walker!

  16. No homeless pity change? You must be doing better than you think! Hope you’re on the mend. 🙂

  17. “However, when life hands you lemons, stick them in your shirt to make it look like you actually have boobs. Or just use the ironing board as a table for some of your junk, which is exactly what I’ve been doing.”

    Oh, Abby!

    Only you could be this sick and STILL sound funny.

    Seriously, I hope you feel better soon. Being sick is awful. But being sick on a business trip is even worse!!!

  18. So sorry you are sick! Maybe you are sick of traveling? I’ve never had the flu while traveling but there was one motorcycle trip where I was really light headed and dizzy (looking back on it I think it may have been dehydration). Anyway, trying to remain upright while dizzy on a bike that battered the passenger around more than any other bike we’ve ever owned while going 75 on the highway kinda sucked. Feel better soon!

  19. I’m so sorry you contracted the death plague. I also had that a couple weeks ago. Although I feel so much better, I am STILL hacking on occasion. It’s a rough one. But I’m glad you are home and mending.

    Would it be wrong to say that I kind of want the light up shoes? I mean, for a friend. Yeah, that’s it.

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