Nicole from “Moms Who Drink and Swear” Has Issues & a Giveaway

Today you’re in for a real treat, as this week’s blogger has more than 1 million Facebook fans—yes, I said 1 million in a Dr. Evil voice—but is still completely down to earth despite the picture she sent me below.

In her own words, she is “gently and consistently offensive, but tenderhearted! I mean no harm, but that doesn’t mean you won’t be harmed by something I write. However, since I’m only responsible for what I write, not what you understand or how you interpret what I write, harm is a subjective term, so you could feel harmed, even though I told you that I mean no harm.”

Amen, sister. Amen.

But more than a blogger, best-selling author and Facebook freak, she’s also a mental health professional with two advanced degrees – one in psychology, the other in gerontology—and is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor working part-time in private practice.

Given my own issues with mental health, this make me love her even more in a “non-creepy-but-I-will-stalk-from-a-distance” kind of way. I’m certain that once you read below, enter a giveaway for a FREE copy of her book that I’m jealous someone will win and then go check her out, you will become a stalker as well.

Restraining orders, be damned.


Name: Nicole Knepper, but I like to be called Sugar Tits

(Editor’s note: Who doesn’t?)

Blog: Moms Who Drink And Swear

Where, what and why do you write?

I write profanity-laced brain seepage all over the plan, but specifically on my blog and on Chicago Now. I like to write at McD’s and at home snuggled up with my wieners.

First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?

I want coffee and I wonder if one of the dogs took a shit under the piano bench, and if so, what is the consistency of the shit?

What’s the one “issue” or frustration annoying you the most right now?

Myself. Always myself. I am chasing the fantasy that someday I’ll be able to manage my time.

Three websites you visit every day.

Chicago Tribune, Wall Street Journal, Vice

(Editor’s note again: By “Wall Street Journal,” I assume she means my blog. The two are easily confused.)

What’s an unusual talent and/or accomplishment you could never put on a resume?

I see auras. I’m not even f#cking kidding. It’s like energy coming off a person. I can just see and feel it and then I can work my own energy to make the interaction work.

Favorite place to be?

By the water. Not the bathtub or shower water or doing dishes or laundry water, but a body of water like the ocean or a lake.

If you could rule the land for one day, what laws would you create and enforce?

Oooohh. I think I would have a silent day. If people wanted to communicate, they would have to write down stuff. It would make people think a bit more about what comes out of their brains and why.

(Another editor’s note: sign me up)

What TV show would you want to appear on?

I want to be a corpse on a crime show and I want the backstory to be grisly and puzzling.

(Fun fact: I once went to a Halloween party in Chicago and Gary Sinise (from CSI: NY and Forrest Gump) and his band, the Lt. Dan Band, were the entertainment. I miss CSI: NY. OK. Back to Nicole.)

Best and worst things I could find in your refrigerator right now?

Best – Meyer lemon raspberry jam. Worst – Celery in the beginning stages of rot.

What question do you wish I had asked you and what would be your reply?

I wish you had asked me if my mother was a hamster or if my father smelled of elderberries. I would have answered in the affirmative, because of flesh wounds.

(Last note: I had no idea what she was talking about, but apparently it’s a Monty Python reference everyone knows but me. Let’s move on.)

Because she is so tenderhearted, she has offered to give away a copy of her book, “Moms Who Drink and Swear” to a random person who comments on this post answering the question below. The giveaway is open to U.S. residents with a sense of humor and a random winner will be drawn on Tuesday morning and notified via email.

Since there are a few movie references in this post, what’s a movie quote that you use all the time?

Like the blog? Buy the books and click below!


107 responses to “Nicole from “Moms Who Drink and Swear” Has Issues & a Giveaway

  1. I can’t enter the competition, but the movie quote I use all the time is, “To infinity and beyond,” said Buzz Light Year says this in the first Toy Story movie (my all time favourite movie). I say it to my grandchildren when they say cheerio after a visit. I whisper in their ears to tell them, “Don’t forget I love you and I will love you forever, to infinity and beyond.” They, and I, adore this ritual.

    • Aww. That’s sweet. It’s not from a movie, but we have a thing with my grandma when we say, “I love you” and then the other says, “I love you more!” and then we say, “No, more, more, more!” while walking out the door. It sounds lame, but considering she can’t remember that much, it’s a very meaningful ritual now 😉

  2. I love when my husband responds to me with the phrase “As you wish”!

  3. I have loads of sense of humor but damn this third world kitchen location. Can’t even remember where I left my bra so I don’t have a favorite movie quote.

  4. A few years ago, I wrote some random blog post about how I’m sick of people bagging on Nicole, Jill (Scary Mommy), and the like. Nikki had no idea who I was, but sought me out just to thank me. I was/am a NOBODY compared to her (I think, like, four people actually read my post) and she didn’t have to say a damn thing, but she’s good people and everyone should know. Thank you and good day.

    • Thank you for being kind to me in the first place. It means a lot. I try to read comments and acknowledge when others are supportive. The inter webs are a big universe and I miss a lot, but when I don’t, I make sure to reach out. A little kindness goes a long way. You are good people.

  5. “I AM somebody!” ~The Jerk. I use this whenever I see my name printed on an agenda or meeting. Recently announced it when my business cards were delivered. It’s also a useful phrase to embarrass my kids when they hand me the mail.

  6. Ugh. My issues are ridiculous, right? Thanks for interviewing me.

    • Ummm…they pale in comparison to mine, my friend. “I’m pretty sure there’s a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is.” Sorry. I had to add a quote of my own.

  7. My favorite quote is “Screws fall out all the time Sir, the world’s an imperfect place”… 🙂

  8. “Whatever you like.” Coming To America. Husbando started it and now we both use it.

  9. “So I have that going for me… which is nice.”

  10. A quote used often. hmnnn… That’s a tough one. The majority of the things I say repeatedly are profanity laden half statements. I’d like to say it’s something sweet like, “to the moon and back”, as that was my favorite book to read to my daughter when she was a baby, and somehow translated into a loving sentiment between her father and I. Currently, as it is that time of year, I have caught myself saying this famous line from the movie “Hocus Pocus”, “Another glorious morning. Makes me SICK!”

  11. “You’re killin me smalls!” From the Sandlot, because it just fits every single thing my boys do.

  12. “I fart in your general direction!” from the same scene of the Holy Grail that Nicole used.

  13. I use a butt ton(as opposed to a regular ton) of movie quotes. Hamster/Elderberries is a favorite. ‘1, 2, 5″…. “3 sir”… “3” is another with my kids providing the 3 sir part is another favorite. My all time favorite movie quote(It is almost impossible to use in general conversation) from The Outlaw Josey Wales, when the bounty hunter says a mans got to make a living and Clint Eastwood says, “Dying ain’t much of a living boy.” There are plenty of good usable quotes n The Princess Bride, such as: “As you wish”, “Inconceivable”, “Have fun storming the castle” and others.

  14. I use lines from Napolean Dynamite, Dazed and Confused, and random children’s movies. My all time favorite is ‘he called the shit, poop’ from Billy Madison!

  15. Your cat took one look at your sh*tty life and said no f*cking thanks man! – The Heat (I sub cat for just about anything 😂)

  16. My fav movie quote I use whenever I can is “we’ll throw him in the wash, he’ll be grand” from Leap Year! I have been know to say this about my son and his friends because god knows I don’t have a Louie!!!!

  17. Taniesha Wendlandt

    Now I need to watch Monty Python.

  18. “Choc-o-late?”
    Doesn’t look funny or even a good quote unless you’re a Goonies fan. Then you automatically say in in Sloth’s halting, half smashed head, kept chained on the basement voice! I can’t give someone chocolate without saying it:)

  19. Taniesha Wendlandt

    Shit, I didn’t see the question. My family & I often quote from the Austin Powers movies,or from Game of Thrones, “Winter is Coming”. I know Game of Thrones is a show, not a movie.

  20. The problem is not the problem, the problem is how we look at the problem. Makes the spawn stop freaking the hell out and giggle, and life is so much easier when they are happy.

  21. But it’s just a flesh wound!

  22. “Let’s go get sushi & not pay.” ~Repo Man

  23. Quote: “The schnozzberries taste like schnozzberries!” It’s originally from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory but I fell in love with it when they said it on Super Troopers. Also, I already have Nikki’s book so don’t count me in on the giveaway. I just wanted to comment. Besides, my copy is autographed with a sweet, personal little message….neener neener neener.

  24. I say “I’ll alert the media” from Arthur (the 1981 Dudley Moore original, as I haven’t seen the other) far too often. I’ve seen the movie as much as Arthur (or me) drinks, I’m afraid.

  25. Movie quote I use all the time would probably be, “no, I love life!!” Or “get off my lawn!!” Both from the kids movie Monster House. We watch it twice a week in this house bc our kids hate us lol

  26. “Are those your skis? Both of them?” Dumb & Dumber

  27. “I do not think that word means what you think it means” Princess Bride and since I am a military member, (Go Army) the phrase “Goddamn Army” from Mash (the movie, not the TV series) comes up a lot……

  28. mediocratescommon

    When someone’s pissed and on a mission I usually bust out with a “She finna shaaave, Mistah.” or a “Molly, you in danger girl.” Nobody ever knows what the hell I’m talking about.

  29. “Mother of God.” Said best with an incredulous look on your face and/or a doubletake.
    Super Troopers! Best dumb movie of all time.

  30. I use “Dear 8 lb, 4 oz baby Jesus, all wrapped up in your manager…we would like to thank you….” and I usually include the end of that quote that says “I like to picture my Jesus in a tuxedo t-shirt because it says, I’m formal, but I like to party” from Talladega Nights – it comes in handy in any situation where something good happens!

  31. “There’s no crying in baseball!” But, of course, in our house, given the number of random tantrums over nothing, baseball may be substituted with Legos, mealtime, choice of cup, choice of clothing, trains, ….. you get the picture.

  32. “Shit, negro…that’s all you had to say!” Samuel L. Jackson line from “Pulp Fiction” that I love to spring on my best friend Pam. We’re both white and I looooooooove SLJ quotes. The irony makes it all the more humorous…

  33. “Never give up! Never surrender!”– Galaxy Quest, usually sarcastically, when someone keeps arguing well beyond the point of reason.

  34. My fiance and I quote Holy Grail daily. Also, I’m not always aware of it, but I often chant “SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM” under my breath while doing chores. I don’t notice til I jerk my head up and screech “I don’t like SPAM!!!”

  35. “That is one bad hat, Harry” from Jaws. or “You She Bitches from Hell” from Thelma & Louise….Yeah I posted two , but my cat litter needs changed and my brain is foggy..

  36. I LOVE Nicole from MWDAS! I use a lot of movie quotes but one of my favorites is “Do you feel lucky, punk?” said in Clint Eastwood’s ‘Dirty Harry’ voice.

  37. Oh shit…those two aren’t my favorite…this one is “You aint nothing but DIPSHIT with a 9 toed woman” The BIG Lebowski…

  38. “Thank you” no “thank youuuu” me and my dad do that to each other when we thank each other. From the Marx Brothers movie A Day At The Races.

  39. ” I’ll have what she’s having ” – When Harry Met Sally

  40. Assss youuuuu wishhhhhh- the Princess bride 🙂

  41. I guess I don’t use a specific quote, but I talk like Yoda so much that my teenage son gets embarrassed! “Hide his face, he does!”

  42. Surely, you can’t be serious! I am, and quit calling me Shirley. — Airplane

  43. “Hold on to your butts” from my all time favorite movie, Jurassic Park. It fits with everything, all the time, sort of.

  44. Movie quote I use all the time: “When someone asks you if you’re a god, you say YES!”

  45. I quote Hot Fuzz all the time! It is quite possibly the funniest movie ever. “It was just the one _________, actually” and “What do you want to do tonight? I don’t know. *spray* Pub?” are two phrases often heard at my house.

  46. Movie quotes my family loves are always from a Grizzwold flick. If anyone asks me how I am doing, I just say (even if only in my head) “I’m doing just fine Clark.” And my husband and I quote the Simpsons and Family Guy episodes constantly. We use them while cooking dinner, changing diapers, while driving in the car, we text them to each, we post things on each other’s FB pages and use quotes. Some of our friends get it some don’t, it doesn’t matter. But you’re 100 times cooler if you do get it and then you become a friend for life in our book. A favorite from Family Guy, “I taste blood Lois?!” Lois: “Well, there’s a lot of it.”

  47. “We’re Burning Daylight” – John Wayne, “The Cowboys”. That comes out whenever I’m late or we’re milling around.

  48. Movie quote: “Look at meee, look at meee!” From “Ten things i hate about you.” You have to read it in a snotty, condescending voice, and i use it when pointing out the most recent, annoying, narcissistic activities of one of my six daughters or their friends.

  49. Abby first of all, REALLY?! You had to Google Monty Python? It’s Monty Python, woman! Anyhoo.. my fave movie quote is ..almost every line of Raising Arizona. It’s hard to pick just one.
    p.s If you haven’t seen Raising Arizona consider yourself defriended.

  50. “Oh that’s so sad..that cat took one look at your shitty life and said no thanks man”

  51. “I think you’re the fucking anti-Christ”
    -Donnie Darko

  52. I use “There is no crying in X” all the time. Since it is rarely Baseball at issue, I leave that part out.

  53. To the moon Alice, to the moon. I may say that sometimes when I’m mad at my 2 1/2 yro.

  54. Fuck you back, from Erin Brocovich

  55. Fuck you back, in Erin Brocovich. My husband and I say it to each other when things are getting heated so that we laugh instead of fight

  56. “It’s good to be the king”.. Blazing saddles. everytime my daughter thinks I’m unfair..

  57. i tend to answer questions that deserve a “no” response with “Negative Ghostrider, the pattern is full.” (Top Gun – love it)

  58. “I get this ache… And I, I thought it was for sex, but it’s to tear everything to fucking pieces. ” Ginger in the movie Ginger Snaps

  59. I frequently quote Dory from find Nemo. “Just keep swiming”, “ess cap ee”, “Doooo yooouuu kknnooooww hhoowww….” and “I wish I could speak whale”

  60. “Come with me if you want to live. ” Terminator series.

    For some reason I say this a lot.

  61. Goldie hawn in Overboard… oh, my hair… or I just ate a bug… whenever the occasion calls for it.

  62. Awesome interview! Loved it!
    Signed, Random Person

    No really, that is my legal name: Random Person.
    You said the book will be given to a random person,…not to get all technical…but unless someone else has that EXACT same legal name…I’m pretty much a shoe-in, n’est-ce pas?

  63. Not to sound like an imitator, but it’s a Monty Python quote from the same scene as hers: “Come back! I’ll bite your kneecaps off!”
    and Abby, I am so jealous about Gary Sinise. I would have totally stalked him too.

  64. Most used movie quote? “Run away! Run away!” It’s not just for when castle storming fails. It’s seriously all purpose.

  65. “Release the kraken.” From the movie Clash of the Titans, in our house (4 sets of boobs) it refers to the un slinging of breasts from the tortur devices known as bras. My 5 year old daughter usually screams it the loudest and laughs the hardest.

  66. From pitch perfect
    Fat Amy: I’m vertical running!

  67. “Half of Chicken Pen Parish would give their eye teeth to take a whack at Weeza” I say this randomly for no real reason, other than that I like to talk like Olympia Dukakis pretending to be Southern.

  68. Love your posts!
    “Beginnings are usually scary, endings are usually sad, but it’s what’s in the middle that counts. So when you find yourself at the beginning, just give hope a chance to float up. And it will.”

  69. My sister-in-law has a dog named Clarice and whenever we visit her home the first words out of my husband’s mouth are “It puts the lotion on.”

    My personal favorite is to quote ” I’m your huckleberry” to my husband in my come hither voice. Which is hard to do without laughing, but oddly is a total turn on to hubs.

  70. “Frankly Scarlett, I don’t give a damn” from Gone With.the Wind. I use it a lot.

  71. If peeing your pants is cool, call me Miles Davis.

  72. Dr. Evil: “The details of my life are quite inconsequential… very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we’d make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum… it’s breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it.”

    Ok, I’ve never actually used that quote (who has that kind of memory or the time?) but it’s one of my favorites. One I do like to use is: “here it is, I found it! (Sniff object). It’s no big deal” – Bill Murray’s Carl from Caddyshack

  73. So many to choose from…..
    “Whaaaaaat?” Minion from Disposable Me
    “Let it go!” Frozen
    Can you tell I have a 4 year old?! 😉

  74. I love ya scumbag! 😉

  75. What? You pooped in the refrigerator? And you ate the whole wheel of cheese? How’d you do that? Heck, I’m not even mad; I’m impressed. – Ron Burgundy to Baxter.

  76. You can add one more to her list of fans! As for my regularly used movie quote:

    “You know what? Fuck you! How about that?” -Tony Montana, Scarface

    I use it nearly daily,sometimes multiple times, because it is fitting so often and in so many situations.

  77. I always answer ‘We’re going, we don’t need roads’ from Back to the Future when the kids try to talk me into driving instead of walking.

  78. “The dishes are done, man!” From Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead. I find it freaking hilarious & one day want to throw my dirty dishes off the roof as target practice, how therapeutic, right?!?!

  79. Gary Sinise?!?! How cool is that? Of course that isn’t my movie quote, Abby. There are several i use from time to time: “I see dead people” is perhaps my favorite, but it’s hard to work into a conversation sometimes. So, i also use, “You talkin’ to me” a lot since i often cannot hear folks in my workplace. And finally, i really like “You keep using that word…,” which totally fits in the office for almost everything. And i gotta say, this guest blogging idea is pretty dang cool. You rock.

  80. Thank you for interviewing Mrs.Knepper:-) I have been reading her blig for awhile now and am better off for it. Love ya Sugartits:-) I would love to enter the contest. my woute is “I’m not even supposed to be here today!” from Clerks of course. or “allrigh,alright” from dazed and confused.

  81. My personal favorite, as a retired woman who learned much along the way…and continues to often stick my foot in my mouth by not being able to control my tongue…”To quote Justin Bond from Shortbus: ‘I used to want to change the world. Now I just want to leave the room with a little dignity.”

  82. I have the memory of a fish when it comes to anything pop culture. I forget actors, music artists, movies…almost immediately. I’m really blanking on any quotes! But I do love her website and would love to win this book!

  83. “You can’t leave. The plants will die.” from Stripes.

  84. notsonegativenancy

    I loved reading all of these! 😀 There are two quotes I tend to use quite a little bit: “Wrap a hot towel around your head” and “I’ll alert the media” (the second said in my best Sir John Gielgud imitation).

  85. “I took everything out of that car, except the rocker panels!” maybe that quote won’t mean much to you but it’s from the French Connection and my brother and I say it to each other all the time. (the correct response is. ” C’mon Herb, what the hells that!?”

  86. The Godfather’s, “Swimming with da fishes”. Classic, timeless.

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